Thursday, March 11, 2010

My anthropomorphic mop is in love with my Thomas Kinkade statuette

You know those Swiffer ads with the anthropomorphic brooms? That are, like, in love with the housewife? And are kind of borderline creepy because they're stalking her a little? Like this one?

You see her just standing there when he's at the door? She's all "I can't hear you!" Bitch.

This one might even be a little creepier:

Swiffer's on Chatroulette! At least the mop isn't jacking off. Ew.

[SIDE NOTE: Like everyone else with a pulse and an Internet connection, I checked out ChatRoulette. I didn't see even one naked person. What am I doing wrong?]

These ads had kind of the opposite of the desired effect on The Wife (at least, the opposite of what I assume is the desired effect) because she full on felt totally sorry for the broom or the mop or whatever cleaning implement had gotten dumped. So much so that I think she was nursing kind of a secret grudge against Swiffer.

Well, I bet a lot of people felt the same way and the collective discomfort at the plight of the broom and mop trickled up to Swiffer, because the new ads are sort of conciliatory or something! Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a video of them online, but the basic idea is that the Swiffer has found new love with another household object, thus satisfying the possibly competing needs of the hausfrau for Improved Cleaning Technology and the Anthropomorphic Mop for a nonorganic love interest. And then I grew up and started caring about real things.

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