Monday, March 22, 2010

I really don't have a good title for this post. It's kind of all over the place.

- You know what the best part about the health care thing passing is? NOT HAVING TO TALK ABOUT IT ANY MORE. I am so fucking sick of hearing about it every day. My fave k-razy right wing radio guys are going to have to find some new topics and I couldn't be happier because now we can talk about Returning to the Gold Standard or Invading Belize or whatever kind of loony shit they can think up instead of health care. THANK FUCKING GOD.

- Tiger likes to text. Here's my fave:

Tiger:Sent: 07:12 PM 09/07/2009: No turkey unless it's a club sandwich

Me too! TIGER AND I ARE BROS. I pretty much only like turkey in club sandwiches myself. Now, I can do a turkey and ham - that's kind of a modified club, since the real club involves bacon - but I mostly avoid turkey in other sandwich settings.

You know what happens when you bring him a turkey sandwich?

Tiger:Sent: 5:00 PM 08/29/2009: I really do want to be rough with you. Slap you around

O M G!! That's totally how I get when someone tries to force some turkey bullshit on me!

- Oh, have I got a deal for you: $35 for a one-hour Singing-Bowl Therapy Session:

You'll be placed with a small group of no more than 20 people (average of around 10 to 12) as you all let yourself relax to the tones of tranquility. Singing-Bowl Therapy delivers the unspoiled melodies of seven pure-crystal singing bowls that resonate at various pitches to fill the mind and flow through the body's inner networks. Each bowl is designed to stimulate one of the seven chakras. Beautiful frequencies restore order to the chakras and the result is a deeply focused center and a clearer state of mind.

I hoope the bowls are full of vodka or this customer's chakras are going to be pissed. Are you some kind of idiot who still relies on wine glass choirs? Dude, get with the fucking program:

Wine-glass choirs require constant attention and finger wetting, while a 60-minute singing-bowl session lets a patient rest at ease as the harmonic realm enters his or her consciousness.

Oh, something's entering my consciousness, alright.

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