Other new Arizona laws

via Reuters:

Arizona law forces cities to resell guns from buy-back programs

By David Schwartz

PHOENIX (Reuters) - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer on Monday signed legislation forcing municipalities to resell firearms from gun buy-back programs rather than destroy them, closing a loophole in the conservative state's laws.

Brewer, a Republican and staunch gun rights advocate, signed the bill preventing local governments from melting down the weapons obtained from these popular civic events. Before the new law, the state had allowed such firearms to be destroyed. 

In light of this forward-thinking and badly needed legislation, I have proposed the additional new laws for Arizona:

- Abortion completely free and legal, but only if you don't want one.

- Stolen property must be destroyed before being returned to rightful owner.

- Limits on campaign contributions removed, but contributions must be made in cash in large cloth bags with "$$$" printed on side; must be presented by man with waxed mustache and monocle.

- You can murder one person a year, but you must use your bare hands and potential victim must be given moped and 10-minute head-start.

-  8th car wash free

- Your Significant Other can veto your restaurant choice with no ill will or resentment from you once a month.  This applies even if he/she (but c'mon, you know it's "she") initially says "I don't care, anywhere's fine."

- Gladiatorial-style combat between foster children approved; winner gets Super Slam breakfast at Denny's and one pair shoes.

- Vote for a Democrat? Automatically entered in the state's Adopt-A-Copperhead program.

- Giving businesses Spanish names now illegal.  "Tortas de Fuego" must change name to "Sandwich of Fire."

- Marrying your gun now legal.  May not marry multiple guns; that makes a mockery of marriage.

Let's all get together and protest this Recology rate increase

I know what you're saying: Oh God, not this again.  He's going to go on about recycling poachers again, like he does over and over and over.  It's true!  It's one of my Personal Obsessions.  No, seriously, it bothers me for a couple of legitimate reasons: (1) Every Monday night, there's constant noise outside my window as these little fucking shits systematically empty every single recycling bin in my neighborhood, and (2) they're not especially careful about it, so a lot of extraneous paper and shit gets taken out of the cans and scattered about, increasing the Net Dirtiness Factor of me neighborhood.  Also, some of it is Purely Irrational Hate at this point.  You can talk to my former shrink about that; he could probably explain it better than I could.

But now we have an opportunity to do something pointless and futile about it!  As you may or may not know, Recology is seeking a 21.51% rate increase, which would mean an increase of around $7 for most people.  If you're a renter, you probably don't pay for garbage and don't give a shit about this.  BUT BUT BUT even if you're a renter, you still get to protest this and at least bitch about recycling poachers in the process.  HERE'S HOW.

You can write a letter!  The Department of Public Works is having a hearing on Friday, June 13, to consider written protests.  Here's your chance to bitch about this. Send your angry-ish, but not crazy-sounding, letter to:

Refuse Collection Rate Hearing Officer
c/o Department of Public Works
1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place
City Hall, Room 348
San Francisco, CA 94102


Here's what you might say: "I hear that Recology is trying to raise their rates.  Presumably they're doing this because they need more money.  I've got a great idea!  They're losing a huge potential revenue stream to recycling thieves every year.  Instead of raising rates on their customers, how about taking some simple steps to combat this problem?  One solution might be locking recycling bins.  The City of Pasadena managed to do this for only $1.34 per month.  If Pasadena can do it, certainly San Francisco can, no?  What, is Pasadena better than us?  If that's what Recology thinks, why don't they just move to Pasadena then?"


No, wait, I got a little carried away.  Delete those last two sentences.  Jazz it up however you want, but remember:  "Each protest must identify the subject premises (by street address or refuse collection account number) and include the signature of the customer submitting the protest."  So put your address on it and sign it.

Now, if we can just get you and everyone you know and everybody else in this godforsaken city to do this, we'll get somewhere.  This is never going to work.  Never mind.

Friday.

It's Friday!  We have a lot to discuss, so let's just get to it.

- I know, I know, I haven't been blogging as much.  I have a 6-week-old infant at home! That's a lame excuse.  But seriously, half of this blog was about going to bars and I don't really do that much anymore.  Oh, anyway, last night we went out with the kid to a restaurant for the first time.  Well, not really a restaurant, Pasta Pomodoro, which is not so much a restaurant as a Carbohydrate Delivery System that tolerates kids.  If you've ever been to a Pasta P, you know that it's popular with the childed, and last night was no exception.  We went to the one in Laurel Village, which pretty much guarantees there'll be some spoiled rich kids, and sure enough, at the table next to us was a kid, maybe 3-4 years old, climbing barefoot up onto the windowsill.  GROSS.  The parents thought this was adorbs.  Bare feet in a restaurant is never cool, not even on a 3 year old.  All the other kids in the joint were much better behaved.  Our child was an angel, natch, and slept through the whole thing.

RELATED: Picking a Pinot Grigio at random, we stumbled across Bollini and liked it so much we stopped at BevMo and bought another bottle on the way home.  Walking around BevMo with a kid in a stroller is a hoot, BTW.

- This old couple is really getting a workout!  Here they are getting some dental implants from Clear Choice:

Then, with their dental future secured, they are moving on to their retirement future in this Heffernan ad which runs on infinite repeat during Giants games.  Same beach!  These olds are really getting shit done on that beach.  

I'm getting sort of a Senior Airline Pilot vibe from him, but maybe also banking.  Quite the jawline he's rocking, though.

- As far as the Giants go, I don't have much to add except I'm as surprised as anyone else that Barry Zito isn't just the best pitcher on the Giants roster; he's the best fucking PLAYER.  He has the highest batting average (.333), the second lowest ERA among the starters (2.75, barely behind Bumgarner's 2.31), the most beauty queen wife, and the best overall sense of calm serenity.  He is an oasis of peace in a roiling sea of chaos.  Well, it's not Angels bad, but shit is not exactly going great right now.  Whatever. It's still early.

- It's cold and foggy and generally shitty today.  Remember 8 days ago?

Have a good weekend, everybody!  Keep listening to the new Mikal Cronin album like I am and soon we will all have listened to it SEVEN BILLION TIMES! 

Today in Name Changing

Tired of being Jason? Or Amanda? Or Jules?  No problem, just change your name.  But first, in California anyway, you have to run a legal notice in the paper with your old, boring beat-up name and your new, spiffy name, I guess so you can't fool anyone who's after you for money or whatever.  I love these notices, because each one is a snapshot of a moment in someone's life when they slough off their busted old identity and look towards a bright new future.

You can find them in the back of the Examiner, probably because it's the cheapest place to run an ad.  Look for the heading ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE FOR CHANGE OF NAME.  Let's see who's changing things up today.

First, we have Aspen Brooke Branch-Moore, who is going to become Aspen Brooke Dominguez.  Both are pretty great, because "Aspen Brooke" is fantastic.  It literally sounds like money rubbing together.  I gotta say, though, I like "Branch-Moore" slightly more for its vaguely old-money British feel.  But I suppose Aspen is getting adopted? Or maybe a commitment ceremony? Or something.  Either way, you're good, Aspen.

Next, we have Marietonie Rosa Alcaraz Yumul, who wants to become Marietonie Rosa Yumul Yambad.  Lose an Alcaraz, gain a Yambad, I always say!

Our clear, absolute winner today is Nancy Ellen Bevers.  She is discarding that admittedly somewhat pedestrian moniker and is going big.  I mean, REALLY BIG.  Ready?  Nancy will now be rocking:

ALAYA.

That's it.  Just ALAYA.  In a word, FABULOUS.  She's joining Cher and Liberace and Siegfried and Roy in the solo name club.  Congratulations, Nancy!  You win Name Changing for today.

(So I guess you can legally go by one name?  Huh.  I did now know that.  But I sort of want to show up at Nancy/Alaya's name change hearing just to congratulate her.)

What's going on with the Top 3 songs in the country right now?

From time to time, we here at 40goingon28 like to take a sample of our national zeitgeist by checking out what the 3 most popular songs in the country are, according to Billboard.  We don't listen to the radio or watch the MTV or download things on BitTorrent or buy ringtones or hang out with teens or however it is that songs get propelled onto the Billboard Top 100.  We also don't refer to ourselves in the first person plural, so we'll stop doing that now.

ANYWAY, it's Friday, and it's nice out, and that means it's the weekend and it's time to put the top down on the convertible and drive around listening to Hot Summer Hits so let's see what we'll be listening to.

Coming in at #3 is a song called "Stay" by Rihanna (and "ft. Mikky Ekko" because you can't really have a hit song with "ft-ing" someone anymore).  It has a very sexy video involving Rihanna and a bathtub.


Mikky Ekko perches on the side of a different bathtub, not the bathtub Rihanna is lounging about in, and sings a verse.  His voice is about as high as Rihanna's.  A little Googling reveals that the oddly-spelled Ekko is an "American singer-songwriter and record producer from Louisiana."  It appears that he co-wrote "Stay," so I guess that earns you a ft.  Anyway, I got to 3:28 out of 4:08 of this song before I got bored and quit so I don't know how it ends up.  Maybe they end up in the same bathtub.  If so, LOOK OUT, MIKKY EKKO! CHRIS BROWN IS COMING FOR YOU!

At #2 we have white rapper Macklemore (who is always "Macklemore & Ryan Lewis," I guess Ryan Lewis is part of the act) feat. Ray Dalton in a song called "Can't Hold Us" with a punishing over-7-minute-long video.  I thought kids had short attention spans?  What's up with these endless fucking videos?


The video involves Macklemore wearing a wolf suit and then flying a plane and there's a team of wolves and then he's rapping on a square-rigger tall ship and then there's some camels and desert and shit.  Ray Dalton must be the guy who sings the chorus, I guess.  I quit at 3:32.  It's fine, I guess.  It's certainly better than a lot of the other songs I've listened to for this project.

THE NUMBER ONE SONG IN AMERICA is P!nk "Just Give Me a Reason" ft. Nate Ruess, that creepy little guy from fun. who has been relentlessly earworming America for a while now.  P!nk has apparently replaced the "i" in her name with an exclamation point.  Way to go, P!nk!


First of all, hats off to P!nk for writing her own stuff, including this song, and for the teddy bear with the glowing eyes in this video.  The song isn't very good, but at least it's not violently objectionable, like a lot of other #1 songs have been.  

IN SUMMARY, meh.  Nothing that I loathed, but nothing I would ever listen to again.  Now go stream the new Mikal Cronin for free on NPR.  Have a great weekend!

Cool new mural at Eddy & Polk

You know, where the combination KFC/Taco Bell is.  I would describe the crowd at that place as "vibrant."

Here's a big shot:

Wait, what is she holding?  Is that a little man?  What's going on here?

It's cool-looking, whatever's going on.  Here's a closeup of the face, looming up behind Brenda's.

Nice, huh?

Oh wow.  There's a Tenderloin blog called "Tenderlife" that I've never heard of before that is also featuring this mural.  Look here.

UPDATE!!!!!: I got a very nice email from Alaina at WallSpaceSF, the organization that, along with Fifty24SF Gallery and Upper Playground, made this whole thing happen.  She wanted you guys to know that artist's name is ARYZ.  I guess it's all-caps; that's how she wrote it.  ARYZ.  Anyway, great job, WallSpaceSF and ARYZ.

In a related story, I have owned several Upper Playground hoodies and can report without bias or influence that they are a superior product.

In which I make a brief foray into baby blogging; also, a tipping question

You didn't think you were going to get off the hook completely, did you?

Baby Beyonce turned one month old yesterday.  If you recall, getting here was something of a challenge.  How have things been since?  Let's take a look!

Babies from zero to one month old are essentially inefficient, milk-powered alarm clocks that you can't set or control in any way.  They have two goals: sleeping and eating, and when the first one is completed you better be GODDAM SURE you're ready and available to assist with the second one.  Since I don't lactate personally, The Wife takes care of most of the feeding beat - and she does it with aplomb and a resolute cheerfulness that is both reassuring and somewhat bizarre, at least to a crank like me - but occasionally I pitch in with a bottle here or there.  Also, this kid can fucking eat.  Born at 5 lbs 11 oz, she climbed through 7 pounds earlier this week, and shows no signs of slowing down. For now, anyway.  I guess it slows down later or something.

The dog likes her, too.

What else?  Before she was born, other people who already have kids would gravely warn me that I better get used to not sleeping.  They love saying shit like "Better get sleep now!  YOU'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN ONCE SHE'S BORN!"  Well, you know what?  It's all bullshit.  People love to try and freak you out, and this is an example of that.  I used to get 6 hours of sleep a night.  I still do.  It's just not CONSECUTIVE.  Here's the actual, real deal, at least with Beyonce: she sleeps about 2-3 hours at a stretch, and then wakes up, demands SOME FUCKING FOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW WHERE'S MY FOOD YOU BASTARDS and then goes back to sleep.  So you're essentially up for an hour, then asleep for 2 or 3.  No bigs.

All things considered, I have to say she's a pretty good kid.  Anyway, we're way past the deadline to return her.

UNRELATED QUESTION: What do you tip the person who cuts your hair?  Like, how much if the haircut is $50?

Sigh.  Yes, my haircut costs $50, but I only get it cut once every 3 months, so it's really only $200 a year, which I bet is less than a lot of you people spend.   I've been giving her $20 but now I'm thinking that seems like too much.  That's, like, almost a 50% tip.  That can't be right.  Obviously, I can't go back down to $10 NOW, but I'm just curious what you guys think.