Friday, April 26, 2013

In which I make a brief foray into baby blogging; also, a tipping question

You didn't think you were going to get off the hook completely, did you?

Baby Beyonce turned one month old yesterday.  If you recall, getting here was something of a challenge.  How have things been since?  Let's take a look!

Babies from zero to one month old are essentially inefficient, milk-powered alarm clocks that you can't set or control in any way.  They have two goals: sleeping and eating, and when the first one is completed you better be GODDAM SURE you're ready and available to assist with the second one.  Since I don't lactate personally, The Wife takes care of most of the feeding beat - and she does it with aplomb and a resolute cheerfulness that is both reassuring and somewhat bizarre, at least to a crank like me - but occasionally I pitch in with a bottle here or there.  Also, this kid can fucking eat.  Born at 5 lbs 11 oz, she climbed through 7 pounds earlier this week, and shows no signs of slowing down. For now, anyway.  I guess it slows down later or something.

The dog likes her, too.

What else?  Before she was born, other people who already have kids would gravely warn me that I better get used to not sleeping.  They love saying shit like "Better get sleep now!  YOU'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN ONCE SHE'S BORN!"  Well, you know what?  It's all bullshit.  People love to try and freak you out, and this is an example of that.  I used to get 6 hours of sleep a night.  I still do.  It's just not CONSECUTIVE.  Here's the actual, real deal, at least with Beyonce: she sleeps about 2-3 hours at a stretch, and then wakes up, demands SOME FUCKING FOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW WHERE'S MY FOOD YOU BASTARDS and then goes back to sleep.  So you're essentially up for an hour, then asleep for 2 or 3.  No bigs.

All things considered, I have to say she's a pretty good kid.  Anyway, we're way past the deadline to return her.

UNRELATED QUESTION: What do you tip the person who cuts your hair?  Like, how much if the haircut is $50?

Sigh.  Yes, my haircut costs $50, but I only get it cut once every 3 months, so it's really only $200 a year, which I bet is less than a lot of you people spend.   I've been giving her $20 but now I'm thinking that seems like too much.  That's, like, almost a 50% tip.  That can't be right.  Obviously, I can't go back down to $10 NOW, but I'm just curious what you guys think.


ap said...

15-20%, according to Emily Post. I think anyone who has to touch people for a living should get a little extra, but 50% sounds kind of high.

Cute baby!

Tamagosan said...

If there is one thing I have learned from Naomi Wolf, it's that all kind of great chemicals get dumped into the breastfeeder's brain, so that's a score.

I also feel like it would be OK to do more baby blogging if the focus was on the relationship between the dog and Beyonce. I think they're kind of the cutest creatures ever and then you get to add a baby to the mix!

Also, I can't wait to discover when you cross the line of NOT OK to talk about your daughter's weight. (But srsly, here's to more healthy weight gain and sleep.)

I say you have a $70 haircut and in a few years, inflation will catch up, it will be cheap and you'll never have to increase your tip. I'm a huge overtipper, but I bet your hairdresser loves you and does a great job.

GG said...

YOUR DOG IS ADORABLE! Is that a Chiweenie (I can't believe I know that word, but my friends have one)?

Anyway, I think 25% for personal/beauty services is a good rule of thumb. However, I am embarrassed to admit that I spend way too much getting my hair dyed/straightened (it's my only Marina-chick-type expenditure, honest), and when your bill is $300, it seems kind of ridiculous to tip $75 (especially when the cost is high in part because of the keratin treatment process cost, not because it's a lot of work). But I do, mostly because I'm afraid to be perceived as cheap.

Anyway, the difference between tipping 10% and 25% on a $50 haircut is only 7 bucks. Err on the side of generosity. Round it up to $15 and it'll be less of a step down from $20, but still a more reasonable but generous tip.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why parents love to scaring expecting parents. We got a lot of "You'll never see a movie again" and "You'll never eat in a restaurant again." They never share anything useful.

So, in that spirit, here's my useful tip: Put Baby Beyonce in her little car seat and take her to restaurants now. Most of the time, she will sleep right through it and you can eat.

One of my favorite things to do was pushing the spawn in the stroller along the Embarcadero until he fell asleep and then stop at either Hi-Dive or Epic, where you can sit outside eat while the little creature sleeps in the stroller.

LOVE the photo of the pooch and the baby. Both of them are adorable!

Stoney said...

I love that photo.

I've taken up going to an old school barber. I think cuts are $30, I give him $40. $20 tip is too much, IMHO.

Stephen said...

I tip $5 to $10 on my $10 haircut.

It is $10 because they do not clean the implements between haircuts. It is unhygienic and frightening and makes me feel like a badass.

TK said...

Thanks to everyone who called the dog and/or baby adorable.

GG -

I don't know what a Chiweenie is, so I can't say for sure. He's some kind of chi-terrier mix. No one's really sure what kind of terrier exactly, although people say they see both rat terrier and Jack Russell in him. He was a rescue so we'll never know for sure.

nickh said...

You are missing a critical aspect to the early stage care of spawn, eating, sleeping, and pooping :). The stage first stage lasts at least 3 month and at most 9 months, then they start getting interactive. Also welcome to the blue plate special! As a new parent go out an eat all you want, but just make sure to go just as the restos open…, trust me, when non-parents start showing up, you will want to get out of there stat…! Welcome to parenthood!! :)

Civic Center said...

Let me join in the universal praise of the beauty of your photo illustrating interspecies love.

I'm bald and bearded, and go to the International Beauty School at Sutter and Polk where it feels like you have gone to an imaginary foreign country (an ethnic Chinese Vietnam), and it costs $8 for a haircut and beard trim. The students really are students, so I'm perfect for beginners. "#1 Blade, head and face." I'm not going to admit how little I tip, but let's just say it's close to 50% of the bill.

GG said...

Awwww. Chiweenie = Chihuahua + Dachshund. Theirs was a rescue too, so who knows if my perception of what they look like is accurate. Anyway, adorable.

Andrea said...

Ah, what a great little babysitter you have there. The little puppers looks like he's going to be a great companion to Baby B.
Don't listen to all the new parent advice. Follow your instinct. If your baby is warm, happy, full and loved you're doing it right. No advice needed.

R said...

Love the pic.

You only have to tip if they aren't their own business, i.e. work for the salon v. rent stations in the salon. I only learned this after briefly dating my hair guy, who let me tip him for years without telling me this.

R said...

Love the pic.

You only have to tip if they aren't their own business, i.e. work for the salon v. rent stations in the salon. I only learned this after briefly dating my hair guy, who let me tip him for years without telling me this.

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