Monday, March 21, 2011

Are the Top 3 songs in America destroying our nation's youth? An investigation.

Listening to my local right-wing radio station the other day, as is my want, I was alarmed to hear that (1) "gangsta rap" is probably responsible for the nation's decline, and it's a wonder that "anyone graduates from community college, let alone real college," and (2) that the top 3 songs in the US right now are so filthy they "can't even be played on the radio."

INTEREST PIQUED.

Now, normally my relationship with any music on the Billboard Top 10 is like the US's relationship with Central America: I'm vaguely aware of it, but I certainly don't want to interact with it in any way. Thus, having no idea what songs might be the Top 3 in America right now, I set off to find them and hopefully enjoy some disgusting, perverted lyrics.

DISAPPOINTMENT FOLLOWED.

The #1 song in America right now, according to the Billboard Hot 100, is "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. I think I knew this was a song, but I've never heard it before, so I listened to it. It's kind of a terrible ripoff of "Express Yourself," by Madonna, but if you think this is so filthy it can't be played on the radio, you probably think Cap'n Crunch commercials are debased, sickening documents of a declining civilization. I think it's about gay animals accepting themselves ("It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M/Just put your paws up/'Cause you were born this way, baby"), and if you have a problem with gay animals, you spend too much time alone.

NEXT: "Fuck You" by Cee Lo. OK, you're right about this one. Are they playing the "Forget You" version on the radio? Cause if they are, (1) that's lame, and (2) IN YOUR FACE, Right-Wing Radio Person! Also, I love this song.

NUMBA THREE: Something called "E.T." by Katy Perry. Also never heard this, so I checked it out. Apart from being SO AWFUL IT'S DIFFICULT TO LISTEN TO, I don't hear anything that would preclude it from being on the radio. Even with the memorably terrible lyric "Infect me with your love." Ewwww pass.

Oh wait, I think I see what's going on here - there's a version of the song with Kanye rapping and I guess parts of that are pretty filthy. I mean, if you think "I'm trying to bathe my ape in your Milky Way" is filthy and not just WEIRD.

(Also, this is so precious: Some YouTube commenter says "cant we all just keep our thoughts to ourselves and enjoy this song?" FIRST TIME ON THE INTERNET HUH?)

Results: Inconclusive.

7 comments:

Stephen said...

Boy, I thought pop music was supposed to be "disposable," but "Fuck You" first hit #2 over a month ago, and was already a Gold record *four* months ago.

That's some staying power.

Stoney said...

It's just amazing to me that there are people under 80 in this country that are still consider obscenities a major problem. Also, it amazes me that there are liberals who listen to right-wing radio. Do you have a low blood pressure problem, TK?

periqueblend said...

I didn't hate that katy perry song, and thought Kanye dropped some decent lyrics on it.

I'll hand in my tastemaker badge now.

Tamagosan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tamagosan said...

Like this sunshine stuff that they seem to have around here, I have received more exposure to pop radio on Guam* than is healthy for someone raised in a city of fog. This is partially due to this car-based culture and the fact that I'm pretty sure they put subliminal messages in the music to get you to keep the radio on. Also, there is a station called Hot 100. Not so subliminal!

'Forget You' is modern Motown and a beautiful song, so clearly the right-wing radio guy assumes this is gangsta rap. Newsflash: Cee Lo is no longer with Goodie Mob.

As for the Madonna pastiche, if you pretend you're in a gay club dancing to the Eurotrash remix, it totally works.

BUT check out the Billboard's #4: Whips and chains excite Rihanna! #10: Ke$ha Blows! And oh, Enrique at #8. (Hint, right-wing radio guy: "lovin'" means something ELSE.)

*in defense of Guam radio, it's generally awesomely varied. Local markets rock. Also, our public radio is excellent...

Alex said...

On my way back to the city today I was flipping through radio stations in Sacramento and heard Rihanna's "S & M." Some Sac radio station bleeped out "sex in the air" but didn't touch "whips and chains excite me."

gone to guam! said...

Yeah, or "I love the smell of it".