Movie reviewers just can't help themselves

All actual headlines:

Ruff going with these "Dogs"

No new tricks for "Old Dogs"

"Old Dogs" proves a mangy mongrel

"Old Dogs" definitely not best of show

"Old Dogs" a cinematic bowser

"Old Dogs" digs up a tired plot that should have stayed buried

You gotta like the Winnipeg Free Press for not even trying with:

Try walking the dog instead of going to this one

Oh, Winnipeg Free Press.

What is it with film reviewers that they just cannot stop themselves from the stupidest, most cliche-prone headlines? Thank God the rest of the paper's not like that, or we'd have shit like:

Iraq, You break: Behind the 8-ball

Global warming makes country hot

Chain Chain Cheney of fools

Health care bill calls in sick

Biden his time

Republicans ? Republican'ts!

We went to Waffle House.

Certain members of our party - chiefly those who had grown up in California and Ireland - had never been to a Waffle House, if you can imagine, so we set out to fix that. Waffle House is one of those things that's maybe better through the misty gauze of remembrance than in actuality, but the food did have calories, I'll say that.

Here in this crappy cell-phone pic we see some of the WH product, like the eponymous waffle, which is round and sort of tasteless, accompanied by its Vat O Syrup. The thing to the right of the Vat is hash browns with a slice of American cheese melted on top, to what end, I'm not sure. It's diner food, what are you gonna do. When did this turn into a food blog anyway. What.

(P.S. I posted this same pic on Twitter via Twitpic yesterday and it never showed up and I've got my team working on whether it's Twitter's error or mine so if it showed up for you and you saw this already, mea culpa.)

Anyway, our waitress was an awesome artifact named Tammy who looked like the human incarnation of a pack of Benson and Hedges 100s and provided better service than you'll get at any of your hoity-toity joints with a tuna tartare tower. Hats off to you, Tammy.

(P.P.S. There's a Waffle House Museum? Awesome. ROAD TRIP!!!!)

Then last night we played Taboo and drank more wine and now I'm kind of ready to spend a quiet evening not drinking instead of drinking. Per Dad's instructions, I have to go find pole beans now. THANKSGIVING IS HARD.

Believe it or not, not everything is aided by the addition of barbeque sauce

Thanks to the tender mercies of Continental Airlines (recommended, BTW, as they are my new go-to airline and you can just suck it, American, I break with thee) The Wife and I were flung across This Great Nation and alighted last night in the ancestral homeland in order to engage in some Thanksgiving. Bad economy? You wouldn't know it from the incredible volume of people squeezed behind a tray table or thronging the halls at La Aeropeurta.

ANYWAY, The Sister and her bf picked us up and off we went to what turned out to be a very odd dinner at a suburban non-chain restaurant Who Shall Not Be Named. Now, this restaurant clearly aspires to a higher level than your TJ McGillicuddy's or your Rudy's A Place for Steaks or whatever. And it's actually not that bad. But there are a few things that just throw you off a little. EXAMPLE I got the fresh (allegedly) dayboat scallops. They were actually expertly seared and seasoned perfectly. Delicious. The accompanying risotto was good, not great, but perfectly acceptable. But ringing the scallops and risotto was a band of barbeque sauce circling the plate. What what? GUY FIERI, ARE YOU BACK THERE? Srsly, WTF with the BBQ sauce, people? Very odd. Once I realized what it was, I was able to avoid, but that was quite an uncomfortable first bite, let me tells you. I'm not even going to get into the wine service, but just for future reference, it's not conventional to open the bottle and then fill everyone's glasses up to the rim.

Then we went back to the house and polished off 4 bottles of wine. HELLO, MONDAY!

Regretsy gets inevitable book deal, and I can't get Hulu to work on my computer.

You know Regretsy, the very funny site that makes fun of really, really bad crafts people sell on Etsy? You know what I'm talking about.

I knew it was just a matter of time before they got a book deal, because the idea is great and the person who writes the captions (under the pseudonym "Helen Killer") is is brilliant. It's LOL funny.

Come to find out today that yes, they did get their book deal, and that Helen Killer is actually April Winchell, whose name I have heard before but didn't really know who she was. As it turns out, she's Internet famous and I guess real life famous too.

Now, I have nothing but good wishes for April Winchell, but there was some tiny part of me or maybe big part of me that was hoping that Helen Killer was actually just a very funny 23-year-old administrative assistant from Minneapolis and not someone who was already semi-famous. I don't know why.

Now, let's move on to getting Ugliest Tattoos and Item Not as Described book deals. Not just because they're written by friends of mine! Because they deserve it.

(Special 40goingon28 thanks to Tami for Twittering about this.)

In a completely unrelated story, are you watching The League yet? It might be the funniest show on television. I know what you're saying: "But TK, how could a show about fantasy football be funny?" Shut up. You whine too much. Go watch it on Hulu or something. If that works. I can never get Hulu to work for me.

France cheated.

I have prepared an enhanced photograph to illustrate:

"I will be honest, it was a hand ball. But I'm not the ref," Henry said. "I played it. The ref allowed it. That's a question you should ask him."

Ireland got screwed.

So this reality show guy wrote to me sort of

This is kinda funny. I few days ago I Twittered that Jennifer is probably my favorite patient on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and then promptly forgot about it probably because I was drunk or something. So, amazingly enough, Duncan Roy, who's a director or something and another one of the patients on Sex Rehab, sent me an "@" reply not long after, saying "list us in order."

Now, as you know, if you're not following the person who @'d you, you don't see the message in your regular Twitter feed and so I didn't see it until last night when I was looking through @ messages to see what I missed. What I missed was this bizarre postmodern event of a real person on a reality show sending me a personal message based on a Thing I Said on The Internet. Weird!

Let's deal with one thing up front. Yes, I watch "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" because (1) it involves sex, (2) it involves people - some of them very attractive women - whose problem is they have too much sex, so you can see the interest, (3) Dr. Drew is kind of my homie and I like the little frowny face he does when someone says something like "I like to shoot meth into my eyeballs" or "I once fucked a rhino because some Japanese businessmen paid me $4,000 to do it and tape it," (4) I've been a fan of his whole Rehab series, just like I'm a HUGE fan of Intervention, and that's because it lets me go "Hey, I may do some drinkin', but I'm nowhere NEAR as bad as that guy," and (5) SEX REHAB! C'mon, you're wondering why I'd watch a show called "Sex Rehab"? Get your head screwed on straight.


(I guess I should drop a brief explanatory parenthetical here - basically, the idea of the show is that they round up 8 semi-celebrities who are sex addicts and then follow them through treatment. If the idea of watching group therapy sounds like a bore, it's not. NO SPOILERS but there's a total trainwreck on there who is kinda making the show.)

ANYWAY, Duncan Roy, or anyone else who's read this far, here you go:

1. Jennifer, because she seems cool. She used to be a porn star or something and she just seems like she'd call bullshit on something that was bullshit. She has a blog too.

2. Duncan Roy AND I SWEAR I'M NOT JUST PUTTING HIM IN SECOND TO KISS HIS ASS OR ANYTHING, but it seems like he views the whole thing with kind of a jaundiced eye. He's like who the audience would be supposed to identify with if this were a movie. (Side note - if this were a movie, I'd totally cast Christina Ricci as Jennifer. Go look at her pics and you'll see what I mean.)


3. Nicole Narain, because she's hot and said that she masturbated 18 times in one day once. I probably couldn't do 18 push-ups in a day! Wow.


4. Phil Varone because he was the drummer for Skid Row and you know you'd have a fucking blast going out in L.A. one night with him.


5. Amber Smith (who was also on Celebrity Rehab for her pill problem) is unobjectionable. She really doesn't seem all that fucked up. I think she's doing these shows just to keep her face out there.


6. Kendra Jade Rossi is like your crazy ex-girlfriend who kept a lock of your hair and still sends you fucked-up letters with red construction paper hearts all torn up that fall out when you open the letter.


7. Jamie Lovett is apparently some kind of surfer or something but he literally hasn't been on camera more than 5 minutes so far so who knows?


8. Kari Ann Peniche. Nothing I can say will do her justice. You just have to watch.


P.S. Jesus, this is a long blog post about a reality TV show. What if I used my powers for good?


P.P.S. Third post in a row with the "Famous people" and "TV" tags. I gotta get out more.

Maybe I have to start watching "The Hills" now

From The Sister (punctuation and capitalization in the original):

"which reminds me. i was watching the hills last night (LOVE) and spencer and heidi have been going to church. so heidi said grace before dinner, and her blessing was something along the lines of, 'god, please bless this food, bless our house, thanks for my husband and thanks for my outfit.' total LOL. it's an LA grace! thanks for my outfit!"

If the rest of this show is like this, it sounds like it might be awesome.

(P.S. Second post today with the "Famous people" and "TV" tags.)