Wednesday, November 10, 2010

30 Reasons to Hate San Francisco

30. It's cold and windy almost all the time. While the rest of the country enjoys a pleasant summer day, it's Ice Station Zebra up in this bitch.

29. There's nowhere to park.

28. Too crowded. Why is everyone always where I want to go? Don't you people have anywhere else to go?

27. Hippies.

26. Homeless. Esp. the person who took a shit on my front steps earlier this week.

25. Everything is too fucking expensive. $1250 for that studio in the Tenderloin? That's like a 3-bedroom house anywhere else. BONUS: No whores.

24. Too many weirdos.

23. Too loud.

22. Earthquakes. How about a completely random event that can destroy your house and everything you own and kill you and your family? Great, where do I sign????

21. There's no Target. I know, I know, there's going to be one over on Masonic, if it EVER gets built, which brings up:

20. NIMBYs. Including people who never want to change anything or see anything new.

19. Hipsters.

18. Bros.

17. Marina chicks.

16. Gavin Newsom.

15. Pretentious, heavily-tattooed waiters who think you're scum because you're not working on a screenplay or art installation. Why don't you install that flatiron steak right the fuck over here, asshole.

14. Muni. These people shouldn't be operating the Little Puffer Miniature Steam Train at the zoo, much less the transit system of a major metropolitan area.

13. People who say "I'm a fourth-generation San Franciscan." I'm a fifth-generation Who Gives a Fuck.

12. 4 Non-Blondes.

11. The Incredibly Useless Board of Supervisors. If we've gotten around to banning Happy Meals, I guess all the other problems have been cleared up. Right? Right?

10. Tourists.

9. Bike snobs. People who say "I choose not to own a car."

8. Terrible drivers.

7. Too many hills.

6. Chris Daly.

5. Chevy's.

4. Drunks. People yelling outside your window at 2:30 a.m. after the bars close. STFU.

3. Foodies. Why have a pizza when you can have an Artisanal Crispy Flatbread with Burrata from Cows Massaged Thrice Daily and Locally-Produced Dry-Cured Prosciutto Seasoned with Herbs from the Chef's Special Garden for $23?

2. Rainbow Grocery. People who shop at Rainbow Grocery.

1. People who bitch about everything.

Shit, I forgot Burning Man.

49 comments:

Tweety said...

That is a hoot! And so true. Though I am happy to agree that there are at least 19 more reasons to love SF.

Mike said...

first time ive visited this blog. nice post

thesoniashow said...

When I forget to bring my own grocery bags into the grocery store, everyone looks at me like I'm Hitler.

This only happens to me in San Francisco.

verbalcupcake.net said...

Let's just say it: the people who get on your super packed bus with four trash bags full of aluminum cans. This happens to be the bus you waited 50 minutes to board (you heard me, 28 line) and which is the only bus that can get you to work from where you live. I always want to yell, "Really? Do you and your fifty bags of cans really need to get on board this particular bus at this very moment?"

amy.leblanc said...

i'd take your lead again and do the same for Oakland, but outside of "gangbanger crime", actually i'd have a hard time coming up with as many, as we don't have your SF problems! we can park almost anywhere!

misycarrot said...

haha...well put :)

Stoney said...

As a #9, I have to point and laugh at #14. Haw-haw.

AphroChic said...

You are my hero!!!! Love this blog.

Tamagosan said...

Stoney stole my comment.

To confirm Tweety's comment: I ran a few numbers in my "love-hate SF" spreadsheet based on your detailed research and it would appear that there are more reasons to love SF than hate SF, although those results might be thrown by the variables present in the potential "875 Reasons to Hate SF For the Two Weeks Preceeding Burning Man vs. 1001 Reasons to Love SF During The Week Of Burning Man" matrix.

Julia said...

Bay to Breakers...!

e dub said...

you make a list of 30 things you hate about sf and then say you hate people who bitch about everything? most of these things are reasons i love the city.

TK said...

Amy, if you can't think of at least a few bad things about Oakland, you're not even trying. Let me put you in touch with some friends who used to live there.

e dub, you're joking, right?

:) said...

1. People who bitch about everything. Sounds like you'd fit in.

2. Rainbow Grocery. Don't go there. Enjoy Safeway's shitty food.

3. Foodies. If you don't want a $23 pizza, go to Dominoes. See #1.

22. Earthquakes. Only 2 major ones in over 100 years. How many hurricanes, tornadoes and other natural disasters have destroyed homes?

25. It's a big city. What else do you expect? Live in the burbs.

--------------------------------

14. is the biggest reason. Muni is a fail-whale in every aspect.

parism4tch said...

Wonderful list. And while I realize you listed bicycles, you forgot to add a subtext of "Those assholes who block traffic on Fridays with their Bike Nazi S.F. Takedown Parade" that makes it twice as long to get home.

Andrea said...

You forgot the fact that everybody drinks so much effing coffee, yet they don't move perceptibly faster as a result. Move along, people!

verbalcupcake.net said...

Tamagosan's comment is so right on.

Unrelated: If you're adding "gangbanger crime" to any list of things to hate about a city, I'm thinking in magnitude, that should take up #s 1-10. At least.

San Franciscans sometimes take themselves too seriously. I'd say that might be why some people didn't get or didn't appreciate this list.

snanderbatch said...

Things I hate- people that judge a city by parking. It's a city! If you want parking move to Elko NV. I do hate Gavin too so I will give you a pass.

Anne-Marie said...

I love you.

especially hating Chris Daly: poverty pimp. and the fucking Marina assholes who choose my neighborhood, the TL to act like they own the place.

however, it's a fucking city, why do you own a car??? you are more of an asshole than i expected. i don't ride a bike, i am much more practical: vespa is the way to go. 1) i don't piss off drivers 2) i can get around them when they are slow and useless and give them the finger at the same time!

andrewcr said...

Then move. No one makes you live there. I can't understand people who hate where they live. GTFOut.

stickit2daisy said...

Not having a Target is a reason you hate SF? Go to the burbs? No parking? Go to the burbs? Sounds to me like you're a transplant. Go back to wherever you came from you judgmental douche-bag. Nobody is making you stay here. In fact we'd love it if you left. I have only one reason why I hate San Francisco... You. Oh, and I'm a 4th generation San Franciscan.

TK said...

Oh Lord.

OK, before you comment, please read this and page through the blog a bit more.

For the record: I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO. I wouldn't live anywhere else. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT HERE. NO JOKE.

But please don't tell me I can't bitch about something or make fun of something, EVEN SOMETHING I LOVE. Because that's no way to go through life.

Cool?

Rocco said...

even better, isn't one allowed to bitch about something ON ONE'S OWN BLOG? if you don't like it, DON'T READ IT. jesus. WTF is it with people? fuck.

esharpless said...

When I read about hate for others in different neighborhoods or who are just plain different it feels decidedly against the principles of why this city is so loved around the world - tolerance.

Every neighborhood is just the same shit with different uniforms. Come on, guys, let's love one another and how wildly unique and eccentric every part of this town and its history is.

burritojustice.com said...

I'm having a hard time deciding which commenter is more entertaining, "e dub" or "stickit2daisy" (who is at AOL no less).

Oh man, do I hate #13.

Stoney said...

LOL. It's getting to look like SF Gate comments up in here. Christ Almighty.

Caleb said...

#26. All the bloggers

Family said...

You should change it to 31 reasons, the 31st being people in SF who take themselves and comical commentary too seriously.

Kudos on the list. I laughed at Chevy's and Target comments.

Jennifer said...

I definitely love that tons of bitter San Franciscans took moments out of their precious lives to bitch at you about your blog post they didn't have to read or agree with. Reason #31.

Meredith said...

What about the fact that there is only 1 In-N-Out, and it's at Fisherman's Wharf (AKA the only reason a local would go to Fisherman's Wharf, but we'd think about going to Daly City first)

Lenny said...

I has a sticker on my hipster bike that says "My other car is a pair of boots." Oh, and that was me and my buddy yelling drunkenly outside your window at 2:30am :) <3 <3

Lenny said...

Haha, I do apologize for commenting twice in a row but I have to second (12th?) the observation of the irony in your 1.)complaining about the parking 2.)complaining about the public transportation 3.)complaining about the bikers and 4.)complaining about people who complain a lot. Pure, priceless irony.

shakingthetree said...

This guy I was sleeping with for a while told me I looked like a Marina chick. It made me want to punch him in the dick. He followed up by saying that as soon as I opened my mouth it was clear I did not belong in that neighborhood. Whatever.

I love SF, I love my nieghborhood and I love your lists. Intended irony in particular.

But I still think hipsters are lame.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/will_sargent/4345035658/

Selena said...

for #17:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/3538549.html

<3 your blog friendo

iknowalyssajones said...

how in gods fucking name did i not find this blog sooner. howabout being a homo from a less homo filled town and feeling just like everyone else. BOO FUCKING HOO. im going to go clam slam now.

Ignatalious said...

thanks for posting!! yes, #13. this kind of weird inferiority/pride/projection is soo annoying to me.

deadfrog said...

Having lived in L.A. for over 8 years and finally making the move to the Bay Area, I can say that in the whole entirety of me living in L.A. I never heard anyone say... "Frisco sucks," quite the contrary most people, in L.A. or any other city for that matter would just shrug their shoulders and say "Frisco?, sure, cool city." But go ahead and ask a fucking San Franciscan what they think about any other city (except N.Y. cause they ride that N.Y. jock all day) and they reply with, "Ugh! You're from "___________ ," I hate that place.


Get over yourselves assholes!

luckydog said...

SF is tired: overcrowded, dirty, stinks, and gentrified to the point of being so obnoxious that it has lost all of its charm. I lived there as a teenager in the early 80s and it was cleaner, less crowded and the people were genuinely hip and liberal. After spending a year there for work in 2011 I couldn't wait to get out of the overpriced pit. It will always have its snob appeal which explains it high concentration of guppies/yuppies that spend most of their time trying to justify how much they paid for their overpriced crack house in the mission or their TIC / Condo near dolores park. LOL!!!

morrigan said...

I remember living in that god awful city. People were mean nasty stuck up and retarded. I paid 1500 for a room where junkies shot up in my hall and the minute I met people in the punk/goth scene like myself if I didn't read a particular book or like one particular song OR MADE ENOUGH MONEY I was snubbed immediately I later found out there was no scene there other than HIPSTERS WHO POSED AS MEMBERS OF A SUBCULTURE. Hipsters are the demise of every scene and have infested the city of SF like a case of crabs you can't get rid of. I left SF years ago but every now and then I am haunted by people who live there. I moved all the way to South Florida and those people always come here to visit and you can tell they are from SF from a mile away. I especially hate the Castro district as a gay male I found them to be the utmost stuck up racist pretentious pieces of shit I have ever met. The only good thing that could happen in SF is a tsunami washing it away or a devastating earthquake to knock if off the map. Over priced, stuck up, overrun by the worst kinds of people in the world. 5 years away from that pathetic excuse for a city and me hatred is just as fresh as it was when I left. FUCK YOU SF MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!!!!

Kasey said...

luckydog wrote: "I lived there as a teenager in the early 80s and it was cleaner, less crowded and the people were genuinely hip and liberal."

L-Dog, I'm not sure where you spent your childhood, but it's my mission to squash this particular urban legend every time I hear it.

I also lived in SF in the 80's, and it was just as dirty and crowded as now. The last time SF was "cleaner, less crowded" was probably the 1940s.

(Agree with the ppl were more liberal part - a big chunk of rich SFers are more conservative than the nation thinks.)

Tim said...

Sounds like a love-hate relationship. I'm chuckling at all of the pretentious douche bags that didn't get it.

I'm so glad San Francisco exists. It's a fantastic destination for a weekend for the Angelenos, which I'm convinced is its primary reason to exist.

Jenny Stout said...

BUH. I'm moving out of here soon! ($2100 Tenderloin studio for 3 years while in school.) This made me so happy in a bitter sort of way. I'm a rural country girl l and honestly have hated San Francisco with a passion! (That's just me, Everyone has their tastes.
No more big cities for me!)

This was the perfect "This is EXACTLY why I'm getting out of here!" blog post I needed to see. Thanks! XD

luckydog said...

Just returned from a work trip in the bay area and visited a friend in the mission / dolores park area in San Francisco proper. Everyone has their reasons for liking a place but coming from Capitol Hill in Seattle I can tell you that SFO seems like rats on the titanic racing to the nearest crack house that goes up for sale just under a million dollars! If you are an insecure trendy gay snob who is defined by where he/she lives it is a perfect place to live!! Still smells like sewage and seeing people let their dog shit on the sidewalk because their is no grass unless you happen to live near an overcrowded park tells me it still is the shit-hole that I left. Seattle is SO much nicer. My friend is moving back to Seattle because he has the same opinion that I do.

Unknown said...

It is a Love / Hate kind of city. It is the most beautiful city in the US, lots of interesting shops and museums, and lots of stuff to do outdoors. However, SF has many HUGE downsides which have been listed here - the locals are a bit blind to the negatives and will get defensive. In short, if you are unhappy or unsatisfied living in SF, don't waste your time waiting for things to get better. You really have to weigh the pros and cons of living there, it is not the right city for everyone.

Darkmoon said...

I hate it too. For all of the reasons you listed and more. Don't get me wrong it has many nice qualities. But not enough to outweigh the bad. It's overcrowded, disingenuous, loud, overpriced, and filthy. There is little opportunity here unless you are involved in the tech industry. I moved here from the east coast over 15 years ago. First I stayed for a relationship, then for a job, now for school. I can't wait to graduate and get out of here. This place is an utter shithole.

Angelina Guardino said...

1. people that bitch about everything.. is this a joke? you seem extremely bitter and closed minded. these are all the reasons i LOVE this place. if you dont like it so much than get the fuck out, more room for the rest of us that enjoy life

Angelina Guardino said...

1. people that bitch about everything.. is this a joke? you seem extremely bitter and closed minded. these are all the reasons i LOVE this place. if you dont like it so much than get the fuck out, more room for the rest of us that enjoy life

Angelina Guardino said...

1. people that bitch about everything.. is this a joke? you seem extremely bitter and closed minded. these are all the reasons i LOVE this place. if you dont like it so much than get the fuck out, more room for the rest of us that enjoy life

Sharon Gordon said...

How about people who say you haven't been anywhere if you haven't been to San Francisco? Even if you've traveled extensively? I'm sure its a nice city, but placing too much importance on having visited ANY city seems unsophisticated at the least.

raksitha B said...



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