Friday, June 17, 2011

Dispatches from an increasingly desperate situation

As I have noted on Twitter, The Sister is currently visiting Moms in Arizona. I, thankfully, am not. Here is a series of text messages I have received so far today from what appears to be a rapidly declining situation:

9:56 am Good morning! For breakfast I was presented with moldy raspberries and a broken spatula w/ no handle to make frittatas.

10:03 am Can't make this shit up.

10:04 am Why do you keep a broken fucking spatula? It's splintered and has NO HANDLE. Fuck.

10:27 am Today we are also featuring a Facebook tutorial.

1:12 pm Tutorial did NOT go well.

1:13 pm She is on FB but doesn't want to use it ever.

1:15 pm She doesn't understand it and doesn't want to figure it out.

1:26 pm Now trying to explain youtube. Sigh.

1:46 pm Every item of food in this house is revolting. I'm not having a good time.

1:56 pm She got mad and was like "You always say everything I have is rotten!" BECAUSE IT IS.

2:02 pm Then she opened her cookie tin where she stores cookies and kale chips together bc she only has one tin.

2:02 pm I said, these kale chips taste like oatmeal cookies. That was why.

2:05 pm Also as you may have guessed the cookies are stale.


Rocco said...

You forgot to mention that it's 105 and she doesnt use AC.

GG said...

My mom also had me set her up with a Facebook page and then, when I explained the privacy settings, wanted to set it so nobody can see anything. I was like, "You're missing the whole point of Facebook." You know you can just not do this, right?

Civic Center said...

Oh, dear. I hope she doesn't read this blog.

Tamagosan said...

I fucking love raspberry frittatas.

Dan said...

Good lord. The hair actually stood up on the back of my neck in sympathetic annoyed-ness when I got to the part about the Facebook lesson.

The most perceptive thing anybody's ever said to me was my friend in college who said 'Your parents know how to push all your buttons because THEY PUT THEM THERE.' I wonder how you say that in latin...