Thursday, July 15, 2010

Parade of horribles

How's your week going? I've had better ones. Here's what's happened to me so far:

- On Monday, I was checking my bank balance online and noticed that somebody had charged $100 on Humorously, the first thought that occurred to me was "Did I start playing Playstation online when I was drunk?" I didn't have any memory of this and my ancient PS2 isn't hooked up anyway, so that seemed unlikely. The Wife also denied that she had developed a sudden interest in playing Call of Duty 4 with a little headset on against an 11-year-old in Omaha, so I called Wells Fargo. To their immense credit, their fraud unit called me back the next day and they credited the money back to my account in 2 days. Say what you will about Monster Banks, that's some good customer service.

One funny aside: The lady from the fraud unit asked me if I would be filing a police report and I started laughing and then she started laughing too because, really, if it takes a week for the SFPD to find the body of a murder victim in their own damn impound yard, what are the odds they're going to track down the kid who used my card to buy some online gaming?

- I seem to be developing a noticeable red blemish on my upper lip. Again, The Wife denied transmitting herpes simplex 1 to me, so I have to assume it's just another fucking zit. Here's a News Flash for my Younger Readers: you can keep getting zits your whole life, as far as I can tell. Remember when they told you it would stop around the end of puberty? Bullshit.

- Yesterday I was walking by my car and noticed that my left rear taillight was shattered. Of course, the driver who hit me was kind enough to leave a note. OF COURSE I'M FUCKING KIDDING, WHO WOULD LEAVE A FUCKING NOTE??!?!! I guess I should be glad they didn't wipe out my whole rear end.

- My boss is quitting, which means I have to teach some new doofus how to do things the way I like, i.e., to leave me alone until I need something.

But it's OK! I'm off to Chicago tomorrow for the Pitchfork Music Festival. I know, I know, it's going to be the largest collection of hipsters in one place except for Williamsburg on any given day. That's OK! I'm more worried about the intense, blazing heat that I'm completely unprepared for, being from San Francisco. 95 degrees! What does that even feel like?

I might post from there. Could be a hoot. Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.


idrumgood said...

A) Why not just take your boss's place? You probably know how things work around there.

B) Pitchfork. Woo. Friday? Saturday? Both? (who cares about Sunday) (I do, but I couldn't get tickets).

TK said...

We're going Saturday and Sunday. Look for a 6'4" guy with a deformed upper lip who is complaining about the heat and looks a little drunk.

For various political reasons, I don't want my boss's job and couldn't get it anyway, which is fine because it involves work, which I am against.

DMZ said...

Great post. Thank you for reminding me about the dead guy in the car. There have been no updates on the retrial. The story about their capture in Mexico and how the US authorities didn't even look for the murdering couple is insane.

TK said...


Thanks! There was an amazing story on This American Life about the guy who tracked down the killers. Totally worth a listen. Here's a link:

Rocco said...

i'm in tennessee. it's hot as fuck here. there are 3 bottles of wine left over from your wedding (i am shocked we didn't polish them off at thanksgiving). there is an 85 percent chance i will drink them. toodles!

amy.leblanc said...

my week's been a parade of lame.
thanks for asking.

i'd rather go to a hipster festival that a festival in the marina!

do keep us posted. i rely on you for sympathetic reading.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I've had 3 bosses in the last 4 months, and am on track to have another 2 in the next two months!

Anonymous said...

You know, while I was reading your post, I thought, "Hmmm, I haven't checked my online banking in a long time," so I took a look and found that someone's charged $1,500 on my ATM card in some redneck supermarket in Florida over the past few weeks. I'm just in the beginning of the getting-my-money-back process, but agree that it's been very prompt and agreeable so far.

40goingon28: where you're reminded to make sure someone isn't stealing all your money.

daisy said...

I feel a little guilty that I enjoyed reading about your shitty week as much as I did.

Just kidding. I don't feel guilt.