Friday, July 30, 2010

Announcing TK's First and Probably Only 6-Word Memoir Contest (with prizes)

You know what Six Word Memoirs are, right? It's basically exactly what it sounds like: your life story in six words. Mine is on my Twitter page: "Things rarely turn out as planned."

Frank McCourt, who wrote "Angela's Ashes," had a good one: "The miserable childhood leads to royalties." Some other ones I also liked (by not famous Irish authors) are "Facebook has ruined my entire life" and "Freak accidents haven't killed me yet."

So here's what I wanna do. Send me your 6-word story and I shall distribute a Special Prize Package to the one that I totally subjectively like the best. You can either email it to me at or drop it in the comments below, cool?

What does the Special Prize Package include, you ask?

A five-dollar bill with a congratulatory Post-It note from me stuck to it because it's illegal to deface United States Currency, duh. (I can make the Post-It note say anything you want as long as it's not weird or illegal like "I will kill your whole fucking family, Love, TK," or "I am fat" or "I ♥ Vivisection.")

A November 2005 Fast Pass. Since Fast Passes are being phased out in October forever, this is actually a collector's item that will be worth a Ton of Money someday.

This "I lost me to meth" coaster, which is obviously awesome.

As an added bonus, if you win, I'll then have your address, so you might find me knocking on your door at 3 a.m. in a drunken stupor asking for money and/or to be let in. Just like Dad used to do! KIDDING.

I guess I should set some kind of deadline, or some dork is going to submit one in November and then be all "There was no deadline! I can still win!" about it, so let's say 6 p.m. PDT, Tuesday August 3, 2010. I'll announce the winner on Wednesday the 4th. Second prize is a set of steak knives. I'M KIDDING THERE IS NO SECOND PRIZE I just love Glengarry Glen Ross.

Third prize is, however, you're fired.

(P.S. Just to keep this on the up-and-up, if you're currently married to me, you are ineligible to win, but you are still free to enter and I'll totally tell you how awesome your entry was and how you definitely would have won if you weren't married to me.)


idrumgood said...

"If it doesn't kill you, killit."

Yes, killit is one word.

Rocco said...

how about:
"i'll just have another chardonnay, please."

Stoney said...

Went through more cars than wives.

Rachel said...

Not sure if this is a memoir or just some good advice...

never turn down the tamale lady.

or how about:

life's a rollercoaster, enjoy the ride.

subframe said...

You can't take it with you

Anonymous said...

Blogs rarely turn out as planned.

Allan said...

Never got to see the Ramones.

generic said...

Whateva, I do what I want.

Anonymous said...

Maintained youthful vigor by drinking lots.

Anonymous said...

What about if my life was actually a sexploitation move in which I was a cop? Then I'd go with:

Hot Until Proven Guilty, Part II

... or just...

Caged Heat 2: Stripped of Freedom

(As you can see, I've been thinking about this all morning.)

alyssa said...

Hi TK,

This is Alyssa from SMITH Magazine, the creator of the six-word memoir.
I just wanted to invite you and your readers to join us at to submit your memoirs. They are instantly published to the website and from there have the chance to be featured by the editor in a blog post or in an upcoming book.

SMITH intern

Kaliseviltwin said...

Yet to be eaten by sharks.


What the hell happened here? Seriously.

daisy said...

I am not who I say.

saera said...

more I live less I know