Thursday, August 5, 2010

TK's Long Weekend FAQ

Long weekend? What the fuck?

That's right, you heard me. Long weekend. I have officially had it with 58 degrees and foggy and so The Wife and I are packing up our shit and getting the fuck out of town tomorrow and coming back Monday.

What about me? I'm a huge narcissist and I need to know how this will affect ME ME ME ME.

Well, I guess the biggest thing you'll notice is that there won't be a Mad Men recap Monday morning because, to be completely honest, if I'm sitting in my suite at this resort on Sunday night watching Mad Men instead of sitting at the beachside bar, something has gone very, very wrong in my life and I should just kill myself.

So, point being, you'll get your Mad Men recap maybe Wednesday.

Where are you going, anyway?

I'm not going to just tell you! I have enough problems with stalkers already. And by stalkers, I mean family members. And by family members, I mean my Mom. And also people looking for my ex-wife, who seems to be deficient in repaying a number of obligations. Should have asked me before you loaned that deadbeat money! Anyway, here's what the weather's like this weekend where I'm going:

Sounds nice, huh? Oh shit, I guess it says "Los Cabos" right there. So that's where we're going. Los Cabos. That's in Mexico.

As it happens, we're staying at an "all-inclusive" resort, which means you pay one flat price and then you get all the food and booze you want included. That's right, all the booze you can drink. And this place has 5 different bars. I can make back the cost of the entire trip on Friday night, I figure. They really do not know who they are fucking with.

So this just came out of nowhere? No special occasion?

Not exactly. As it happens, it's also The Wife's birthday today. Now, I couldn't hope to replicate the moving birthday tribute I penned for her last year, so instead here's this Advice Dog birthday greeting I just made.

Do you enjoy air travel?


Why didn't you write anything about the gay marriage thing like everyone else in the entire world? Do you hate the gays?

Yes, I hate the gays. No, stupid. What am I going to add? "Me, too!" Or repeat that lame joke about how gay people can suffer like the rest of us or whatever? That joke is so played Leno wouldn't even touch it at this point.

You're coming back, though, right?

Sigh. Yes, I'm coming back. You'll be OK. Just stay indoors and turn the heat on.


Anonymous said...

Question: How will this affect the shipment of my prize package?

Tamagosan said...

May all the bars be swim-up.

Greg said...

good for you! this weather has been especially I can do for now is to take BART to Burlingame and work there for the day....

TK said...

Leslie -

ME ME ME ME ME I mean, I put it in the mail today.

Rachel said...

Have a great trip!

Anonymous said...

After all that Bachelorette recapping, you earned a vacation.

Beth Spotswood said...

Tick Tock TK. I need my goddamn recap.