Monday, August 3, 2009

Guess what? There's a baseball game happening down there.

I'm sorry in advance if you're not interested in baseball, but this is baseball season and baseball is a metaphor for life and blahhdeddy blah blah it's just what's on my mind today and so that's it.

I know that a baseball game is an outdoor sporting event and I don't expect hushed, reverential, churchlike silence from those in attendance (although that would be pretty awesome), but for the love of God, can you just SHUT THE FUCK UP for two fucking consecutive minutes?

Yesterday The Wife and I are at Ye Olde Ballyarde watching the Giants surprisingly get some hits and beat the Phills 7-3 and it was a great game and nice weather and everything but there are these 2 chicks and 1 guy behind us (along with another guy who might have been a mute because never said a fucking word, God bless him) and they spent the whole game in an endless, loud, criminally boring conversation about the weather in San Jose this time of year and some kind of patent litigation (which is, if you know anything about law, maybe the MOST BORING kind of litigation at all, like basically Paint Drying, Inc. v. Grass Growing Ltd.) and all the LATEST JUICY GOSSIP from their old company, which gossip was not juicy at all but more along the lines of who got who's parking space JESUS just shoot me now.

So this kept up the WHOLE game. With brief pauses to breathe and whenever something exciting happened, which was not nearly enough. Finally some seats opened up a few rows down and we mercifully got the fuck out of there.

Listen, I know that it's a public space and it's nice to catch up with your friends or coworkers or whatever, but seriously, if your voice is loud and grating enough to be heard by everyone in a 10 foot radius, how about shutting your fucking trap once in a while, just in case people around you are maybe more interested in the game they came to see than in your inane musings on what kind of wedding your friend had, including your discomfort at the fact that she had two maids of honor. Personally, two maids of honor sounds a little excessive to me too, but I don't go around forcing other people to hear about it. Shut up.

Also - lots of Phillies fans there yesterday, but no problems between them and Giants fans, as far as I could see. You certainly see a lot more shit at Giants-A's games, mostly because there are people from Oakland there.

Also - How cute! Jon Carroll gets into the recycling poacher debate and shows mad love for the poachers, who he christens with the cutesy-poo title "gleaners" and says "Hey big deal, they're just scrappy underdogs trying to make it in this world. Let's all hold hands with the gleaners and sing songs to the Recycle Goddess and dance off into the meadow." My guess is that around Jon Carroll's house in the Oakland hills, "gleaners" don't show up outside his window at 1 am and start smashing bottles and flattening cans and then leaving the lids open so paper blows up and down the street.

Also - Christ, I sound angry today. I'm fine. Shit just gets to me is all.


Skance said...

Also, the grating "Oh my gosh!" and "Goddangit" she kept peppering her speech with made me want to turn around and explode a Tourettes-like stream of profanity at her.

Rocco said...

wait, baseball is a metaphor for life? so standing around spitting, scratching, occasionally running, and throwing objects at another person means.... ?

Aaron said...

I love watching the can critters scurry when you yell, "get that nickel. Get it!" at them. Damn critters rattling the cans at 4 fricken a.m.