Monday, September 23, 2013

The Emmy broadcast was indistinguishable from a parody of the same Emmy broadcast

I'm no TV critic - although I should be a TV critic - but you didn't need any special experience or training to realize, after only watching for a minute or two, that the Emmys show last night was fucking terrible.

"BUT TK WHY WERE YOU EVEN WATCHING THE EMMYS SINCE BREAKING BAD WAS ON?"  That's a fair question.  It's because our child goes to bed around 8 and we can't watch Breaking Bad until she goes to bed because she'll like BLAH BLAH BLAH talk through the whole thing.  Six month olds, what a pain in the ass.  Anyway, so we had a lot of time to fill until 8 pm and it was on and what, are we supposed to NOT WATCH TV?

So we had the misfortune of watching some of this crapfest.  First of all, every single writer who worked on this show should never work in the television or film or any type of creative industry ever again, because the scripted dialogue was so painfully unfunny and awkward that I felt keenly vicariously embarrassed for every person that had to mouth those awful, awful words they read on the screen in front of them.  EXAMPLE: Twerking has been in the news lately, so there were lots of twerking references, but without any actual jokes, as if the writers assumed that just saying the word "twerking" would provoke gales of laughter.  Not so.

Here, I'll write some better dialogue for the Emmys FOR FREE.  Let's have, say, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Eminem present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.

EMINEM: Hi Julia, I heard you make or are on TV.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS: [blank stare]

EMINEM: I got mad love for supporter actress.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS: [drools slightly]

[laughter & applause]

Jeff Daniels, who I'm sure is a very nice man but whose gifts as an actor are, shall we say, not abundant, won Best Actor in a Drama Series, over some guys you may have heard of, like Bryan Cranston and Jon Hamm.  You know, ACTORS.  Jesus fucking Christ.

But nothing was more embarrassing for everyone involved than the godawful dance number in the middle of the show that featured dancers SIMULATING COOKING METHAMPHETAMINE and that wasn't even the weirdest part.

Or maybe it was.  I don't know.  Like I said, I'm not a TV critic so how would I know.  Anyway, this bizarre and disturbing dance number was somehow related to the award for choreography, which was essentially pointless because every single person nominated worked on So You Think You Can Dance or something and also who gives a fuck.

In conclusion, I should not have watched any part of this show and we should all agree to not watch it ever again, unless Ricky Gervais is hosting.


Anonymous said...

I used to be a TV critic, so obviously you don't need special experience or training to do that job.

The Emmys have always disappointed me, but I continue to watch them. You know Jason Alexander never won an Emmy for Seinfeld? That seems like a huge fail to me.

Also, last night they gave a huge standing ovation to Bob Newhart, who just won his first Emmy for guest starring on Big Bang Theory. Umm, his FIRST Emmy!? Everyone in that theater should be ashamed of themselves.

AND, there was a special tribute to some kid who was on Glee that died. Oh, did he change the face of television? Nah, he's just cute. You know who changed the face of television? Larry Hagman, who the Emmys acknowledged with a photo in the In Memorial segment. Never mind that Hagman played one of the greatest anti-heroes of all the time, JR Ewing, paving the way for basically every show that was nominated last night from Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire and Mad Men, to shows like The Sopranos, The Shield.

It's so frustrating that a show that is supposed to celebrate the best TV has to offer is the worst thing on TV.

I apologize for the long-ass comment. I get worked up about such things.

TK said...

No apology needed! I agree with you basically about everything. Well, everything in this comment. I don't know about all the other things.

Tamagosan said...

Obviously I need to see this dance routine STAT. So I dialed up "emmys dance cooking meth" on the Google and THIS POST CAME UP. Ok then.

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