Friday, September 3, 2010

Today's Movie Pitches

Labor Day

Bruce Willis plays Doc Hotson, a recently-retired FBI agent who decides to take a leisurely Labor Day trip to Washington D.C. However, his Metro train is hijacked by terrorists. That Iraqi guy from Lost is the lead terrorist. They’re going to load up the Metro train with explosives and blow up the Washington Monument. Or something that the Metro runs under, doesn’t matter. Bruce Willis foils their plot, while falling in love with Cameron Diaz, who is a normal person on the train for no reason.

Tagline: “This Labor Day, Bruce Willis is ON THE CLOCK.”

[UPDATE: The Wife suggests the much better tagline "This Labor Day, Bruce Willis DELIVERS!"]

Advice Dog

A golden retriever puppy is languishing in a pound in Sarasota, Florida when aliens arrive one night and accidentally abduct him instead of the poundkeeper or whatever you call the guy in charge of the pound. Proximity to alien technology gives the dog the power to speak and when he returns to Earth he gets revenge on the humans by giving really bad advice. The dog is voiced by Seth Rogen. Costarring Brian Austin Green as a kindly shopkeeper.

The Building

A 6-story apartment building is home to a wacky collection of neighbors, like John Turturro and Betty White. It catches on fire, but Bruce Willis leads a brave fire team and rescues everyone, except Jared Leto, whose ghost then haunts Bruce Willis. Meanwhile, the tenants have acquired bizarre supernatural powers after the fire. No one can pronounce Bruce Willis's name and they can all see each other's futures but not their own, so they have to have weekly meetings to see what's going to happen to everyone. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

Tagline: "This is not your usual kind of building"

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Man, TK, I'm laughing my head off in the coffeeshop like a fool after reading this! Well done, sir!