OMG Vanderbilt won a bowl game

2 things I thought I'd never see in my lifetime:

1. A black President

2. Vanderbilt win a bowl game

So I'm expecting Maria Sharapova to show up at my place any time now with some chilled champagne and a can of Reddi Whip.

Seriously, when you grow up with Vandy football, you get used to one thing: losing. Over and over and over again. This is a team that hadn't had a winning record since 1982, for Chrissake. So their victory today was a complete, if welcome, surprise. Sure, they didn't win it so much as Boston College lost it, but hey, a win's a win. Just incredible.

OK. I'm off to the NYE party at The Sister's soon. I'm just wondering what's going to happen next.

Things I learned by watching a portion of VH-1's "100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs"

- Europe's "The Final Countdown" is a hard rock song? Really?

- "Round and Round" by Ratt is actually not a bad song at all.

- Dee Snider kind of looks like hell. Kip Winger is trying to be all tough-guy cool now. They both profess to like Alice in Chains.

- Super Hot Irish Girlfriend noted that music writer Rob Sheffield (who was one of the commenters) is maybe not totally attractive. I told her that journalists, as a rule, are not known for their good looks. "Well, Rob Sheffield is cadaver ugly," she said. "Chuck Klosterman's not really good looking, but I'd fuck him in a pinch."

It's New Year's Eve! Mom's gone! The Sister called me for advice about how much wine to get for her party, which I shall attend. I told her I thought the normal rule was one bottle for every two people, but considering the guest list for tonight, a bottle a person would be a better idea. That should be enough to last until about 10. Plus, people will bring stuff, right?

Have fun out there. See you in 2009.

The Contemporary Jewish Museum: huh?

I'm exhausted.

From talking to other people, I've heard that some Moms are kind of mellow, let's-hang-out-and-have-tea Moms. Not mine. Mine is more of a how-many-things-can-you-fit-in-one-day Mom. Consequently, in the past few days, I've been to the Asian Art Museum, the Contemporary Jewish Museum, a couple of restaurants, and so on, and so on. It's nice being back at work today and getting a break.

This brings me to the Contemporary Jewish Museum. It's very strange.

It's gotten far more attention for the architecture - which is essentially a Daniel Libeskind tilted cube shoved down into a Willis Polk power station from the turn of the century - than anything inside. I guess that's to be expected, given Libeskind's status.

But once you get inside, there's not much there. On the ground floor, there's an exhibition documenting Warhol's Ten Portraits of Jews in the Twentieth Century, and that's fine, but isn't everyone a little burned out on Warhol? I am. On the second floor, there's an exhibit called In the Beginning: Artists Respond to Genesis, which had a couple of cool pieces, I guess, but didn't do much for me overall.

In the main room, the biggest part of the tilted cube, there's nothing. Well, nothing visual. There's a "sound exhibition" that mostly echoed all over the oddly-shaped room and would have been better on an iPod.

Hey, I'm no art critic. Maybe I'm not sophisticated enough to appreciate what's going on here, but to me, it seemed like a building looking for something to house. I'm also not Jewish, so I don't know if that makes any difference.

She's leaving tomorrow. My life will return to whatever level of normal it was before, I assume.

Overheard on Christmas Eve

In my house: "You're even drunker than you were last year."

Merry Christmas!

What did you get? I got a rock. I keed. Super Hot Irish Girlfriend gave me a Boss chromatic tuner. How in the world did she know I needed one of those?

My Mom, who has a long history of giving bizarre gifts, presented us with a Sportcraft electronic dartboard. Um, thanks, Mom! That'll come in handy when I open my Dave & Buster's franchise here in my house.

So we had Mom and The Sister and The Sister's boyfriend and The Sister's boyfriend's sister and our friend Tom and a couple of dogs over for dinner last night, which was delicious, especially when accompanied by 10 bottles of wine, I think. Now I'm feeling kind of oversaturated and I'm looking forward to January. Oh, and someone took a shit in the den. We're not sure, but we think it was the cat.

So, let's have a wonderful Christmas and try not to eat the pain away like Paris. What.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Sort of.

Found on Craigslist today:

Event on Christmas day, remembering Tatiana the Tiger (Greenwich Steps, SF)

A sculpture of her is going to be unveiled, on the Greenwich Steps at 430 in the afternoon, a year to the day of her death. If anyone would like to come, there will be a small gathering at the garden there is a public platform. Thank you...

Just in case you're not familiar, Tatiana is the tiger who jumped out of her enclosure at the SF Zoo last Christmas Day and mauled to death this guy who may or may not have been taunting her. The SFPD showed up and shot her. One of the few murder cases they've successfully closed this year, BTW!!

There was a pretty large public outcry about Tatiana's shooting, partly because the kid that got killed may have been taunting her (and seemed a little thuggy, maybe) and partly because, hey, it's San Francisco. But really, what else were the cops supposed to do? Try and lure it back to the cage with some kitty treats?

Anyway, I'm kind of tempted to go to this, because I'm totally curious about what kind of statue they're going to unveil and because it seems like there'll be all kinds of crazy at this thing, which I always love.

Merry Christmas, everybody! Make sure your Christmas plans include staying away from large land-based top predators, k?

Mine include my Mom coming to town, which is kind of close. KIDDING, MOM!!! We'll be doing a lot of cooking and hanging out and going to museums and that kind of thing. So if you see a hungover-looking guy struggling to stay awake accompanied by an older woman who's loudly asking everyone in earshot where Chinatown is, say hi!

Checkpoint? Pass.

Last night was Marco and Evany's Christmas party, and I was chosen to drive, in part, I assume, because I pretty much never drive and it was my turn. So the party was great and festive and everyone was in a wonderful mood and looked great and there was plenty of good food and the Yule Log on TV, now in hi def!

I was careful and paced myself and had about 4 beers over almost 3 hours. So I wasn't even buzzed when we left, but still.

So we get across the Bay Bridge into SF and there's a huge traffic backup at the Octavia exit and the cops are making everyone turn on Market, so I turn and then go to Franklin and then make a left on Fell.

That's when I see it. The SFPD DUI checkpoint.

Not like it was hard to figure out. There was a bunch of cops and traffic cones and a sign that said "SFPD License Enforcement and Sobriety Checkpoint." So it's not like it was a big secret or anything.

Now, like I said, I'd had like 4 beers in 3 hours, so I wasn't worried about getting a DUI, but still. I also knew I probably smelled like booze and it would be a whole production.

But....what's this? I can just make a left turn on Gough and avoid the whole thing? Don't mind if I do!

So I would say the effectiveness of the SFPD checkpoint was maybe not 100%, since you could just make a left and avoid it. On the other hand, I guess when you're really drunk you feel like "Hey! I can beat this thing! Fuck that, I'm not taking a different way just because of some fucking checkpoint!"

Also, the Safeway on Mission this morning was like packed at 10:30. What's up with that?

David Mamet is the coolest guy ever

David Mamet may have already been one of the coolest guys ever. I mean, he wrote "Glengarry Glen Ross," so if that doesn't put you in the Top 20 of Cool, I don't know what does. But now he's just gone and gotten even cooler. To wit:

Jeremy Piven will abruptly end his run in Broadway’s “Speed-the-Plow,” after missing Tuesday evening’s performance and a Wednesday matinee.

Piven has informed the producers that he hasn’t been feeling well and that the condition is attributable to a high mercury count.

The show’s producers weren’t returning calls, but Daily Variety reached out to David Mamet, who wrote the showbiz satire and seemed skeptical of the reasons for Piven’s departure.

High mercury count? WTF? So, what does Coolest Guy Ever have to say?

“I talked to Jeremy on the phone, and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury,” Mamet said. “So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.”

OH SNAP! You just got told, Jeremy Piven. Fuck yeah.