Monday, November 3, 2014

2014 Biggest Voting Surprises

I just voted down at City Hall! No one asked me for my ID because I'm white.  I'm pretty good at voting because I've done it for a long time with varying levels of success (still mad at u, stupid AL GORE).  But in SF the ballot is like 10 PAGES LONG and I'm busy and don't study as much as I need to and some things still surprise me.

1. Nancy Pelosi is running for Congress!  She hasn't run that many ads that I've seen.  I voted for her because I like Nancy Pelosi Drive in Golden Gate Park.  Little heads-up would have been good, though.

2. There's like a whole page of just judges.  Mostly it's just YES or NO.  I voted yes for everyone EXCEPT ONE because I like to keep them on their toes.

3. Oh shit, this year you have to vote for your favorite attraction.

I wrote in "Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theater" but I hope Coit Tower wins. If you voted for Fisherman's Wharf I don't even want to talk to you.  The campaign those people ran was DESPICABLE.

4. I studied the David Campos vs. David Chiu race pretty hard but I DIDN'T GET TO VOTE IN THAT ONE.  What a fucking ripoff.

5. I voted no on the soda tax because get back to me when you start taxing LITERAL BAGS OF FUCKING SUGAR.  Do you know how much sugar is in a 1-lb bag of sugar?  ONE POUND.  That's so much more than is in a Coke.  If we are gonna tax sugar, go all the fucking way or go home.

6. Nobody's running against Carmen Chu for Assessor!  She must be good at assessing.

7. After I was done I didn't even make it back to the counter before some lady approached me and said "All done?" and then took my ballot.  WAIT DO YOU EVEN WORK HERE? I think I just got voter frauded.  Where are you, my Republican legislator friends?  HELP.

8. THIS IS NOT A JOKE, NON-SAN FRANCISCANS, but this year we had to fucking VOTE on whether to have artificial turf soccer fields and what kind of height restrictions to have at Pier 70.  This is ridiculous.  Next year we will have ballot propositions like "What should the first movie be at Dolores Park Movie Night" and "Should I pay for a garage or park in the street" and "What's your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's" and "Who's Sharon? I have her name and number but don't remember anything about her."

Anyway, you deserve to be heard, so get out there and vote if you have political sensibilities similar to mine.  If not, it's a fucking hassle and waste of time and you might as well just stay home.


GG said...

Not only do we vote on whether to have artificial turf on soccer fields, but there was an expensive and vicious campaign over it! This is not a joke, but there is currently a thread on my NextDoor area regarding outrage/support on someone who got their account suspended because they kept posting their impassioned opinion about either prop H or I.

Incidentally, I didn't vote on either of those because I don't give a shit either way. So if all kids in SF die of cancer caused by playing on artificial turf and/or die of obesity-related causes because they had no artificial turf on which to play, you can blame me.

Civic Center said...

I pretend I'm a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences voting for the Academy Awards, keeping in mind that the best films and politicians/issues usually lose to something like "Crash" for Best Picture or Gavin Newsom for Any Office.

And vote Yes on H, No on I or I'll start waging an expensive and vicious campaign all over the internet.

Stoney said...


Stephen said...

The anti-soda tax campaign has a poster with a guy saying "I'm voting NO on E." It notes he's owner of the Fizzary - a soda shop. As a friend notes, Dr. Pepper is also against it. And he's a doctor.

Blogger said...

If you would like an alternative to randomly flirting with girls and trying to find out the right thing to say...

If you'd prefer to have women chase YOU, instead of spending your nights prowling around in noisy pubs and night clubs...

Then I urge you to play this short video to unveil a weird secret that has the potential to get you your own harem of beautiful women just 24 hours from now:

Facebook Seduction System...