Friday, January 10, 2014

What's going on with the Top 3 songs in the country right now?

As you may or may not know, from time to time the Music Department here at 40goingon28 likes to take a moment and sample the Top 3 songs in the country, as judged by our Content Partners at Billboard magazine.  Sometimes this little adventure is fun; sometimes it's sad; today's it's just painful.

The Number One song in the country right now is called "Timber" and it's by either Pitbull and Ke$ha or it's Ke$ha featuring Pitbull or it's Pitbull featuring Ke$ha.  Whatever it is, it's the Worst Thing I've Ever Heard.  I'm not kidding this time.  I would listen to one hundred million Train songs before I would ever willingly listen to this again.

Oh Jesus. What the fuck. It's like some kind of demented square dance crossed with Black Eyed Peas crossed with terrible rapping.  I can't understand most of what Pitbull is saying but I heard the words "Miley Cyrus," "booty," and "oil spill," so I guess that's all you need to know.  This is the #1 song in the country.  Obviously the war in Afghanistan is not protecting our freedoms very well.

The #2 song is better because it's not "Timber."

It's by OneRepublic, which I thought was a mall clothing store up until just now. Let me reiterate: compared to "Timber" by Pitbull, this is the White Album and Exile on Main Street combined. But on its own merits, it's bad. Not bad in the sense of offensive, just boring and bland. If you like this, it's like having an opinion on lawns or Toyota Corollas. Why would you care?

The third most popular song in America is by Eminem. We know Eminem! He's actually produced some good songs in the past. This is called "The Monster" and is f/Rihanna. We can tell this is going to be Very Serious because the first minute of the video references "Fame" and "Addiction." These are Serious Things. I think this is one of those songs that all artists do at that stage in their careers about how hard it is to be famous.

I don't know, maybe it is hard to be famous. It's still boring and trite to complain about it. Given Rihanna's well-documented history, it is kinda weird to hear her sing "I'm friends with the monster who's under my bed," because that's apparently LITERALLY TRUE.

It's OK, I guess. It's just disappointing because Eminem is a pretty talented dude and this is so phoned-in for him. He could, and probably did, just roll out of bed and knock off a rap like this. Just retire instead of this.

That's it!  Have a good weekend, everybody.


KBN said...

That Pitbull song should titled "Timber featuring the harmonica guy from Karma Chameleon"

Stephen said...

Pretty sure One Republic were raised in a Skinner box where replicating Coldplay produced positive rewards.

I've always been impressed by Pitbull's spectacular success, considering appears to be a low-end car salesman. Maybe Yugos or something.

Tamagosan said...

One wonders what Ke$sha wears out faster: her eyeliner pencil or the Shakira button on her AutoTune machine.

the default attorney said...

I heard Timber in my spin class, and I thought they were saying "Tinder...I'll give you a night you won't remember" and it was about roofie-ing someone they found by using the app of the same name.

I can't claim to be much of a fan of the hip hop of the last 20 years, but I think Pitbull is on his own plane of lyrical paucity. I feel like he just watches mass market TV and creates a list of the most frequently used words and phrases, and then rearranges them so that they rhyme.

And I still don't understand why he was "featured" in the English version of Shakira's song Rabiosa, but not the original Spanish version. A) He ruins it by just mumbling the chorus, and 2) Isn't the dude

king khan said...
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king khan said...
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