Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I'm back

I left The Wife and Beyonce in Ireland LOL.  No, seriously, I did but they're coming back soon.

I'm not sure if it's appropriate to blog about a funeral, so I'll focus on the plane travel instead.  In fact, I'm going to focus on just my flights back yesterday.

Going from SHANNON (Ireland) to NEWARK was such a joy that it made me start to rethink every bad thing I ever said about United Airlines.  I was in a window bulkhead seat and a tiny Indian woman was on the aisle and there was no one in the middle.  It was like having my own private room.

PICTURED: My bulkhead suite on Flight 24, Cate Blanchett in "Blue Jasmine" (more on which later), my legs + kicks.

I watched 2 movies, both of which I had thoughts about.


WTF?  This may not be the worst Woody Allen movie, but it may be the weirdest.  It's ostensibly set in San Francisco, but the SF depicted bears no resemblance to any actual San Francisco.  There are two or three male characters who are total Brooklyn goombah types who somehow wandered into this film and are totally unlike anyone else I've ever met in 23 years of living here.  If you want immediately identifiable New Yorkers in your movie, Woody, fucking SET IT IN NEW YORK.  Also, there is an unintentionally HILARIOUS scene at a daytime party in Marin in which a bunch of white people in coats and ties dance awkwardly to disco music.  It's beyond bizarre.  Cate Blanchett acts OK, but the whole thing was just so unbelievable that it didn't work.  It's like he just randomly decided to set a movie here and wrote a regular script set in New York and then just filmed it here.  The only believable character was Louis CK playing a philandering sound engineer.  It's also not funny.


AKA James Gandolfini's Last Movie.  It's a little, sweet romantic semi-comedy about some olds who go on some dates.  I generally like Nicole Holofcener movies, as long as you realize that nothing really happens in them.  I wouldn't go out of my way to see it, but it was fine when you're flying over endless ice sheets.

We landed in Newark in a TOTAL FUCKING BLIZZARD and that's where shit went south a little.  Since this was United, they FREAKED OUT AND CANCELLED EVERYONE'S FLIGHTS.  United is like an autistic kid who rolls on the ground screaming if anyone touches his dinosaurs.  Planes could take off but United was decompensating in the corner.  Anyway, they put me on another flight to Chicago and then to San Francisco.  Now, I'm 6'4" and I always pay extra for the Special Legroom seats because I can't fit in the regular seats.  I'm not trying to be dramatic or exaggerate about this; I mean, my femurs are literally longer than the space between the seat and the seat in front.  And since this was a backup flight, NO SPECIAL SEATS FOR TK.  Not to bore you with details, but the 4-hour flight to SF included me having to ask the guy in front of me not to put his seat back, to which he replied "Should have bought a seat in first class."  PRICK.

That's about it.  I'll watch the Bachelor tonight and do the recap tomorrow.  We'll get back on some kind of schedule here.

P.S. I also watched ELYSIUM from Chicago to SF and it was a little long but OK I guess.


GG said...

My boyfriend has this thing where he goes through phases of overusing a word without realizing it and I have to gently show him that Kids in the Hall skit* again and I feel like that might be you with "decompensating" but you know I say that with all due respect and affection for your writing. :)

Also, totally agree on Blue Jasmine, I had that exact reaction.


inger said...

In which TK discovers that United long haul is very different from United reg'lar domestic. Pro-tip: long haul flights are very rarely cancelled (they need to get the plane to that location for the next days flight) , which is why I try to fly nonstop whenever possible. But from Shannon that's won't work, I know.

Tamagosan said...

I'm pretty sure the Cate Blanchett Is An Angel Committee is coming to arrest you RIGHT NOW. As for Woody Allen, I half-expected the New-York-in-the-Mission thing but still it was awful to see. But I'll love his movies to the end...

Speaking of who did get SF right, I watched Looking last night on HBO and it kind of nails this town. (Not sure if it nails the gay thing, but I know less about that.) Great foggy Sutro cameo for you, GG!

I like Catherine Keener in anything, so the other movie worked for me. I also went to see it on Saturday night when my boyfriend was out of town and cried by myself at the Stonestown Theater over some Junior Mints, so there's that.

As for the plane ride, that guy in front of you is going to die a slow, painful death, so it all works out.

Andrea said...

I fly United to New York often (Rochester, not the good New York) for work.
You are completely and totally spot on with your autistic kid comparison.

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