Friday, December 14, 2012

I don't even like fish, but this is ridiculous

The only thing San Franciscans hate worse than iceburg lettuce is change, so we get really upset anytime someone tries to do something different that wasn't there before or change something to something else.  Case in point: the brewing opposition to a new restaurant on the Marina Green.

[DIGRESSION #1: I know, it's the Marina, who gives a fuck what they do over there?  But it's such a perfect little example of what happens every time anyone tries to do anything in this town.]

[DIGRESSION #2: I will valiantly attempt to get through this post without using the term "NIMBY."  I'm tired of NIMBY.  I'm a NIMBY for the term NIMBY.  "NO MORE NIMBY!!!", that's what my yard sign/bumper sticker/oversize novelty button would say.]

Let us visit the Marina Green, where we might find the Marina Degaussing Station.  I don't know what gauss is or why you don't want it on you, but whatever.  "The Marina Degaussing Station is a vacant, fenced-in, 720 square-foot building with a 450 square-foot patio located on the northern edge of the Marina Green on Rec Park property," according to the Marina Community Association. Apparently it has something to do with ships.  Possibly some kind of cool Philadelphia Experiment shit, I don't know.  Anyway, this abandoned building has sat vacant and fenced-in for like 30 years.

This is it. Photo from the Marina Community Association website. Thanks, MCA! Not the record label, the Marina Community Association, I mean.

 So the proprietors of the Woodhouse Fish Co. said "Hey!  Let's turn it into a little seafood restaurant!  Everybody wins.  The neighborhood will get a cute fish boutique instead of a seagull shit repository.  Visitors will enjoy seafood, as much as that's possible, because seafood is pretty gross.  We'll make money.  Who wouldn't like that?"

MARINA SHITBAGS, that's who.   How dare you take away our rotting empty degaussing station and try to put a productive, happiness-creating business therein?  WHAT IF WE NEED TO DEGAUSS?  WHERE WILL WE GO THEN?

Look at this shit:

This one I stole from SFGate. They'll probably be bankrupt soon, so I kinda feel bad.  Sorry, SFGate.  Oh, those signs read "I AM A DOUCHEBOX WHO HATES THE MUPPETS AND LIFE."  No, not really, they say "STOP RESTAURANT ON MARINA GREEN," but you get the idea.
Why do they hate freedom and good things in the world?  I don't know, something about traffic or noise.  It's a fucking fish restaurant, not Shoreline Amphitheater, you dorks.  Anyway, the upshot of all this is, the whole project has to go to some subcommittee in January and a bunch of Thurston Howells are going to show up and talk about how it's going to bother them.  That actually might be fun to go to.

You know what the rule should be?  You get to protest one thing every 5 years.  If you use your protest, and then something else comes up you don't like, tough.  You blew your wad on protesting the Crippled Child Bike-A-Thon because it started at 8 am and now you can't protest the Free Medical Care and Cotton Candy For Sick Poors because poors are loud.  You're out of luck.  I guarantee you these AmEx Black Cards have protested something else in the last 5 years, so they'd be SOL.

[Update - I wrote and posted this before I learned about the horror in Connecticut.  Obviously, this seems incredibly trite and stupid now.  I would hope beyond measure that maybe - just maybe - an incident like that might spur a rational conversation about reasonable gun control in this country, but I somehow doubt it.  But God, how awful.  Children.]


GG said...

They should pull a George Lucas and turn it into low-income housing instead.

Tamagosan said...

I was going to comment something about how the first line of the Wiki on degaussing sounds suspiciously like Science and that as we know from national politics, Science never belongs in a real discussion, but then yeah, all those kids. I really hate everything sometimes.

Patrick Calahan said...

Thanks for this post. It made me laugh, which has happened much the last few days.

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