Monday, April 23, 2012

I got 2 things today, neither of which has anything to do with the other. It's a Grab Bag.


In an otherwise routine slice-of-life story in the Chron entitled "Golden Gate Park Band strikes up 130th season," there appeared, like an angel from on high, the following paragraph:

"I just love classical music, and it's nice to come somewhere that's not a nightclub with people pushing you around," said Valerie Vizena, a Visa USA employee who was camped out on the grass with a bottle of sparkling wine; a ham-and-brie panini; her rescue dog, Grrr; and her husband, Kurt Kitajima, a bank brand manager who moonlights as a DJ.
Oh God. Oh God. I love this paragraph SO FUCKING MUCH. Let's take a look:

1. Valerie Vizena! Isn't that a famous fashion designer who also has a line at Target that sold out the first day and now Vizena toasters are on eBay for $120? Valerie Vizena. Vizena.

2. Wait, what nightclub where you get pushed around features classical music? Is there some kind of hardcore mosh-pit Beethoven scene I don't know about?

3. Bottle of sparkling wine and ham-and-brie panini. Yes.

4. HER RESCUE DOG GRRR. Not "her dog," "her RESCUE dog," and the DOG IS NAMED FUCKING GRRR. 3 R's. "Here, Grrr! Grrr!" People in the dog park must think she's a mental patient.

5. Let's move on. Her husband, Kirk Kitajima, is a bank brand manager who OF COURSE IS ALSO A DJ.

I know it's only April, you guys, but this may be The Most San Francisco Paragraph of the Year. I love it. I want to move into this paragraph and live there forever. If I'm not friends with Valerie Vizena and Kirk and Grrr by the end of the week, I'm fucking giving up.


MAD MEN SPOILERS AHEAD. I know I promised I wasn't going to talk about Mad Men this season but that episode last night was so off-the-charts weird I can't let it slide. I don't even want to get into Peggy getting baked and opening a Handjob Station in the movie theater, but I just have to say this. FROM WHAT I HEAR, acid trips typically involve one or more of the following: distorted senses; time dilation; visual hallucinations; the Grateful Dead; and a sense of oneness with the universe. What they do not typically involve is fucking MARITAL THERAPY. But who knows? Different strokes and all.


By popular demand:


Tamagosan said...


I was pretty worried that she worked for Visa Canada, so I'm glad that was specified?

Also, open container law in the Park. What do we know about this?

Agree that this is just a tad SF, but I think what would lock it in is if they had a panini grill right there next to Grr. Pop-up panini station!

TK said...

I don't think the cops are as vigilant on the open container law at the Golden Gate Park Band show as they are when they roll through Dolores Park sometimes. Although, in all fairness, I've never personally known anyone who's gotten an open container ticket at DP.

And YES, of course! It needs a food truck angle for the Complete SF Experience.

Tamagosan said...

Now I kinda feel like the Bandshell isn't covered in Sec. 4.10 of the Park Code? Do note this is a selective reading due to laziness... Maybe there are other regulations and those might also cover dogs named Grr.

GG said...

Handjob Station would be a pretty good band name.

Anonymous said...

I agree with GG. I would go to the Handjob Station concert just so I could buy a T-shirt.

GG said...

WHOA. Those hands look REALLY aggressive. I'd definitely check the Yelp reviews before visiting Handjob Station.

Anonymous said...

Looking more like Zombie Handjob Station. Be approached with caution.

Alissa said...

How could you even overlook the egregious misuse of the semicolon in that paragraph! I am very upset by those semicolons

Tamagosan said...

Alissa: Surely you understand that The Chron got rid of its copy editors years ago? Since then, they've relied on humans to edit, with the usual disastrous results.