Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It approaches.

Guess who's decided to come back for Christmas this year? MOM.

Now I don't want to say that she's a complete Control Freak or anything, but The Sister is picking her up at the airport at 1 pm on Xmas Eve and she has already informed us that she has quite a few things on the old agenda, viz:
I'm thinking since my flight arrives at 1:20, and my hotel is at Union Square I would enjoy first stopping at nearby Grace Cathedral to see the Bronze Door casts of Ghiberti's "Gates of Paradise." I saw the beautiful originals in Florence at the Basilica. They are depictions in bronze casts of 12 Old Testament bible stories (Adam & Even in the garden, Noah's Ark, Moses and the 10 Commandments, etc.)

Then, just a hop away is the Mark Hopkins. I would enjoy stopping there for a drink at "The Top of the Mark" to have a bit of time with you before joining others.
Jesus Christ, lady, that's a whole vacation you want to fit into an hour and a half. Also, if you saw the originals on your trip to Florence, why do you wanna see some cheap knockoff "Gates of Paradise"? What, the real "Gates of Paradise" didn't do it for you? "Hey, I just saw the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, but I understand this truck stop in Gilroy has a poster of it on the wall in the Ladies Room so I definitely want to see that!!!"

Well, it should be interesting. I'm sure she'll want to know why we didn't hang up that Electronic Dartboard she got us for Christmas 2 years ago and I'll just have to explain that we decided against going with a Dave & Buster's interior decor theme and that's why there's no Pop-A-Shot in the living room either. And then we'll have to hear about all our inheritance money taking fabulous trips to Tuscany and London and the fucking Great Wall of China for all I know.


Stephen said...

I'm honestly apprehensive about meeting her. I fear at some point, I'm not going to be able to keep myself from saying "Shut up! SHUT!! UP!!"

I'll try, though.

generic said...

This is not a caricature you've created for a funny blog post? This is a legit email?


Rocco said...

good. we've managed to put the fear of god into everyone who shall cross her path. let the games begin.

Beth Spotswood said...

That email from your mother made me miss my grandmother a little bit. I'd forgotten about that whole demographic of people who look at fancy doors when on vacation.

Tamagosan said...

Your post misses one important bit of info: WHERE IS THIS TRUCKSTOP????? Jeez.

Good luck with the Momz. May I suggest a tropical island next year? It's working for me... :-)

DrFeelgood said...

G-d fu3king help u. I know you are not making this up. You sure picked a fine week to stop smoking weed.

Unknown said...

There's a gay donkey show at Esta Noche Xmas Eve. Super ethnic, not to mention gay. Moms love that shit.

daisy said...

OMG. My mother is also YOUR mother. And for that, I must offer my condolences,.