Dedicated readers (or reader, I suppose) know that from time to time we like to put our ear to the railroad track of popular music and get our skull crushed and mangled by whatever the Billboard Top 3 songs in the country are right that day. It's been a while! Let's do it again.
The Number One song in the country right now is - and I am having trouble with superlatives here - one of the Worst Songs Ever Created by Man. It's called "Rude" by a band called Magic! with an exclamation point so you know they're EXCITING! It's barely even a song. Whatever you do, don't click "play."
You did it. You clicked "play," didn't you? I'm sorry. Look, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here because Jia Tolentino at the Hairpin has already done a brilliant longform takedown of this song that is so good that you'll want to print it out and frame it. Suffice it to say that not only is this a bad song; the creators should be put in Gitmo and terrorists should be released to make room for them. Released to Canada, though, since Magic! with an exclamation point is from Canada. (And the phrase "Canadian reggae fusion band" is the scariest collection of words since "Guy Fieri's donkey sauce".)
Let's put that unpleasantness behind us and move on, to Number Two: "Fancy," by Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX.
Iggy Azalea is inspirational proof that even a knockout blonde from Australia can somehow make it in the entertainment business. I'm not even going to attempt to unpack the layers of cultural appropriation going on here. Maybe I don't get it because I'm not in the "murda bizness" like Iggy Azalea.
I don't really have much else to add about this song. I give it three "whatever"s.
Number Three is "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith.
The best of a bad lot, I guess. I don't really know anything about Sam Smith but I gather from the 3 minutes of online research I just did that he's renowned for his incredible vocal range and whatever that's fine good for him. The song is a little boring but I guess it's heartfelt and that's more than you can say about the other two. So good for you, Sam Smith.
Out of curiosity, I checked to see what the Top 3 songs were 20 years ago today. Ready for this?
1. "Stay" - Lisa Loeb
2. "I Swear" - All-4-One
3. "Fantastic Voyage" - Coolio
So that proves it! Music really was always better 20 years ago from any given date ever in the history of time. In 2034 we'll be pining for the emotional resonance of "Rude" by Magic!. No, that will never happen. That is not true.
One final note. In looking at the Top 10 I noticed that #6 is "Maps" by Maroon 5 and at first I got really excited because I thought Maroon 5 was covering the Yeah Yeah Yeahs but disappointingly it's a completely different song.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
#Muniproblems
Since it's Friday, no one wants to read my thinkpiece about how the Trade Deadline is a metaphor for America, so let's keep it simple today and do some unfocused scattershot ranting about Muni. That'll get us pageviews!
1. I sent out this #hottake a couple of days ago:
Here's an example, on Turk Street between Hyde and Larkin. The 31 stops at both ends of Turk on that block. Why? NOBODY KNOWS.
Not really. I'm sure somebody knows. There's probably some kind of algorithm that determines how far you can go without having a bus stop and putting the stop on the next block would be 14" farther than the algorithm allows.
This is stupid. No wonder Muni is so fucking slow. There are too many goddam stops.
2. Every fucking day, the breezy, infuriating SFMTA Twitter sends out something like this:
Got that? Instead of replacing the drivers and keeping all the scheduled runs going, Muni just says fuck it and that's why your bus looks like this:
3. They still can't figure out how to keep the system running smoothly on days when there's a Giants game at AT&T. OF COURSE more people will be riding Muni those days. This has been going on for FOURTEEN YEARS. In 14 years, one single human being can progress from mewling in a crib to flying a Cessna 172 over Toronto. That's just one person! Muni has a team of people, presumably, and in 14 years they haven't figured out how to move a slightly larger than normal number of people around a ballpark.
4. If I can audibly hear music from your headphones, you are going to have permanent hearing loss and in 30 years some poor minimum wage employee is going to be yelling at you "THAT. COMBO. MEAL. DOES. NOT. COME. WITH. A. DRINK." Give that person a break and turn it down some.
Whew. That's better. I've relieved the pressure and now the voices will be quiet for a while. Have a nice weekend.
1. I sent out this #hottake a couple of days ago:
The easiest way to make Muni faster would be to eliminate any stops where there's another stop on THE SAME BLOCK
— TK (@40goingon28) July 30, 2014
Let me expand on this thought. Amazing as it may seem to an outside observer, yes, there are places on some lines - maybe every line, fuck if I know - where the bus stops at one end of the block, picks up disgruntled and/or self-medicated San Franciscans, then drives a hundred feet to the other end of the block AND STOPS AGAIN. This is pure lunacy.Here's an example, on Turk Street between Hyde and Larkin. The 31 stops at both ends of Turk on that block. Why? NOBODY KNOWS.
Not really. I'm sure somebody knows. There's probably some kind of algorithm that determines how far you can go without having a bus stop and putting the stop on the next block would be 14" farther than the algorithm allows.
This is stupid. No wonder Muni is so fucking slow. There are too many goddam stops.
2. Every fucking day, the breezy, infuriating SFMTA Twitter sends out something like this:
ATTN: 2, 8x, 9, 10, 19, 38, 43, 48, 71 and 14x routes are experiencing longer than normal waiting times.
— SFMTA (@sfmta_muni) July 30, 2014
I can't say for sure what this shit is about, but I have a good guess: some drivers didn't show up for work. If this happened in a normal setting, the organizational entity would account for this and bring in replacements. With Muni, what happens is that bus run just gets skipped. Bay Citizen explains:Muni and AC Transit rely on an “extra board,” a group of on-call bus drivers who fill in if a driver is late or absent. Muni schedules about 1,200 drivers each weekday and has about 100 on call. AC Transit schedules about 525 drivers during the week and has 150 on call.
In the past, when all of the on-call drivers were working, Muni would pay overtime to drivers who were off to come in and cover any remaining shifts. But faced with a $29 million budget shortfall and out-of-control overtime spending, Muni decided last month to skip bus runs instead.
Got that? Instead of replacing the drivers and keeping all the scheduled runs going, Muni just says fuck it and that's why your bus looks like this:
3. They still can't figure out how to keep the system running smoothly on days when there's a Giants game at AT&T. OF COURSE more people will be riding Muni those days. This has been going on for FOURTEEN YEARS. In 14 years, one single human being can progress from mewling in a crib to flying a Cessna 172 over Toronto. That's just one person! Muni has a team of people, presumably, and in 14 years they haven't figured out how to move a slightly larger than normal number of people around a ballpark.
4. If I can audibly hear music from your headphones, you are going to have permanent hearing loss and in 30 years some poor minimum wage employee is going to be yelling at you "THAT. COMBO. MEAL. DOES. NOT. COME. WITH. A. DRINK." Give that person a break and turn it down some.
Whew. That's better. I've relieved the pressure and now the voices will be quiet for a while. Have a nice weekend.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Fun with latitude, also, this is a long walk
So I was idly wondering, as I do, If you left San Francisco and walked in a straight line across the US, where would you end up? FASCINATING RIGHT?
So let's assume that CHP would close the Bay Bridge for us. There would of course be a lot of helicopters and shit to document TK'S WALK ACROSS THE US.
At first it's super boring. Mostly just wilderness. The first town of any size we score a direct hit on is Dodge City, Kansas, which, like San Francisco, is at 37 dgrees, 45 minutes north of the equator and thus is in an exact straight line with SF. HELLO DODGE CITY!!! Bet you didn't know you were San Francisco's Longitude Partner. MWAH!
Onward. We'll pass just north of Harrisburg, Illinois, and straight through Rineyville, Kentucky, where "[t]here is no formal town government; elected county officials oversee roads." SOUNDS WILD. Walking walking walking we will hit Hanover, Virginia, a suburb of Richmond, and then step into the Chesapeake Bay just north of Ingram Cove, not far from Kilmarnock, Virginia, and the Hughlett Point Area Preserve.
I hope we can swim, because we've got a long ways to go before we emerge again onto dry land near Crystal Beach Road in Onancock, Virginia. In fact, here's a picture of almost the exact spot where we'll walk, dripping and covered with seaweed and crap, out of the Chesapeake Bay.
I found this picture attached to a home listing nearby. 3 BRM for $699K! Sounds like a good deal. Little does the future buyer know that he or she is DIRECTLY IN LINE with San Francisco. (The beach is facing the wrong way because it's on a peninsula kind of thing. Take my word for it.)
After crossing the Eastern Shore of Virginia, we shall plunge into the Atlantic near the inelegant-sounding Gargathy Bay. So there's your answer! If you go in a perfectly straight line across America from San Francisco, you walk into the Atlantic not far from Parksley, Virginia. (Parksley's actually at 37 degrees 46 minutes, so it's lined up with the northern half of SF.)
If we're so inclined, and a willing partner is nearby, maybe we can prevail on Reverend Rod, Wedding Officiant, to hitch us up before we begin our long long journey across the Wild Atlantic.
I know what you're asking. WHY IS THIS SO BORING. No, the other thing you're asking. WHERE DO WE POP OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Portugal.
This has been fun! Let's do it again soon.
So let's assume that CHP would close the Bay Bridge for us. There would of course be a lot of helicopters and shit to document TK'S WALK ACROSS THE US.
At first it's super boring. Mostly just wilderness. The first town of any size we score a direct hit on is Dodge City, Kansas, which, like San Francisco, is at 37 dgrees, 45 minutes north of the equator and thus is in an exact straight line with SF. HELLO DODGE CITY!!! Bet you didn't know you were San Francisco's Longitude Partner. MWAH!
Onward. We'll pass just north of Harrisburg, Illinois, and straight through Rineyville, Kentucky, where "[t]here is no formal town government; elected county officials oversee roads." SOUNDS WILD. Walking walking walking we will hit Hanover, Virginia, a suburb of Richmond, and then step into the Chesapeake Bay just north of Ingram Cove, not far from Kilmarnock, Virginia, and the Hughlett Point Area Preserve.
I hope we can swim, because we've got a long ways to go before we emerge again onto dry land near Crystal Beach Road in Onancock, Virginia. In fact, here's a picture of almost the exact spot where we'll walk, dripping and covered with seaweed and crap, out of the Chesapeake Bay.
I found this picture attached to a home listing nearby. 3 BRM for $699K! Sounds like a good deal. Little does the future buyer know that he or she is DIRECTLY IN LINE with San Francisco. (The beach is facing the wrong way because it's on a peninsula kind of thing. Take my word for it.)
After crossing the Eastern Shore of Virginia, we shall plunge into the Atlantic near the inelegant-sounding Gargathy Bay. So there's your answer! If you go in a perfectly straight line across America from San Francisco, you walk into the Atlantic not far from Parksley, Virginia. (Parksley's actually at 37 degrees 46 minutes, so it's lined up with the northern half of SF.)
If we're so inclined, and a willing partner is nearby, maybe we can prevail on Reverend Rod, Wedding Officiant, to hitch us up before we begin our long long journey across the Wild Atlantic.
I know what you're asking. WHY IS THIS SO BORING. No, the other thing you're asking. WHERE DO WE POP OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Portugal.
This has been fun! Let's do it again soon.
Friday, July 25, 2014
I don't understand these housing protests at all
From ABC 7 News:
SAN FRANCISCO RESIDENTIAL SURTAX FACES OPPOSITION
(ALL CAPS belong to ABC 7, not me.)
If you click on the link you can see the whole boring video, in which they stuck poor Lyanne Melendez up on Twin Peaks for some reason.
Anyway, here's the crux of it:
Now, if you want to protest this, FINE. Stand up and be proud and say "HEY I'M A FLIPPER AND I WANT TO BUY BUILDINGS AND KICK OUT TENANTS AND SELL THEM AS TICs FOR A FAT PROFIT. SO YOU SHOULD LET ME DO THIS WITHOUT PAYING EXTRA TAX BECAUSE AMERICA." That I could at least respect for honesty.
But that's not what these protesters are saying.
The Chinese Real Estate Association of America opposes the measure. "Most of the Chinese or Asian people, we believe in purchasing property, owning a property and passing on the property to the next generation," spokesperson Tina Wong said.
WAIT WHAT. Hey guess what, Chinese Real Estate Association of America? I HAVE GOT SOME AWESOME NEWS FOR YOU. If you purchase and own property and pass it on to the next generation, YOU WILL NOT BE SUBJECT TO THIS TAX. So you can stand down. You have nothing to worry about.
(Now, I'm not an idiot. I know the CREAA actually wants to flip buildings and make money without paying more taxes. Which, if that's your position, fine. Own it. Just don't pretend to be something you're not.)
In Protest #2, we have the Levins, who didn't read up on rent control before they bought their building.
In other words, they bought their building knowing there was a tenant in one of the units and that tenant can't just be kicked out because they need their own personal Airbnb, but despite knowing all that AHEAD OF TIME, they are stunned that the tenant won't just sheepishly pack up and go.
(If they weren't notified about the tenant, or the tenant was hiding in the closet when they did their inspections, that's another story but I doubt it.)
(Also, it will cost whatever you work out with the tenant. If the tenant will move for $30K, then it'll cost that. If the tenant will move for $26 and a Wade Boggs rookie card, so much the better.)
Advice for the Levins: if you don't want this problem, don't buy a building with a tenant.
SAN FRANCISCO RESIDENTIAL SURTAX FACES OPPOSITION
(ALL CAPS belong to ABC 7, not me.)
If you click on the link you can see the whole boring video, in which they stuck poor Lyanne Melendez up on Twin Peaks for some reason.
Anyway, here's the crux of it:
Anyone buying two or more units without living there would be severely taxed if they sell the property within five years. They would be taxed 24 percent the first year and then less every year after that.
Mar got enough votes from the Board of Supervisors to put the measure on the November ballot.
"It's a small, narrow group of people that are flipping buildings so it's really narrowly tailored to only the handful of people that are making profits off people suffering and throwing our housing costs out of whack," Mar said.
The surtax will not be imposed if the property is sold at a loss.So it's basically an anti-flipping ordinance. If you buy a multi-unit building and then turn it into TICs (or sell it as is) without living there, you get hit with a tax. Given that there's been a lot of Ellis Act evictions going on just to flip buildings into TICs, I can understand why this sounds good.
Now, if you want to protest this, FINE. Stand up and be proud and say "HEY I'M A FLIPPER AND I WANT TO BUY BUILDINGS AND KICK OUT TENANTS AND SELL THEM AS TICs FOR A FAT PROFIT. SO YOU SHOULD LET ME DO THIS WITHOUT PAYING EXTRA TAX BECAUSE AMERICA." That I could at least respect for honesty.
But that's not what these protesters are saying.
The Chinese Real Estate Association of America opposes the measure. "Most of the Chinese or Asian people, we believe in purchasing property, owning a property and passing on the property to the next generation," spokesperson Tina Wong said.
WAIT WHAT. Hey guess what, Chinese Real Estate Association of America? I HAVE GOT SOME AWESOME NEWS FOR YOU. If you purchase and own property and pass it on to the next generation, YOU WILL NOT BE SUBJECT TO THIS TAX. So you can stand down. You have nothing to worry about.
(Now, I'm not an idiot. I know the CREAA actually wants to flip buildings and make money without paying more taxes. Which, if that's your position, fine. Own it. Just don't pretend to be something you're not.)
In Protest #2, we have the Levins, who didn't read up on rent control before they bought their building.
Dan and Maria Levin bought a small home in the 400 block of Lombard St. It has two units, each with one bedroom.
The person renting their other unit can't afford to move out. The only way is to pay them off - their attorney said it would cost more than $100,000.
"We want the extra unit for our family and friends because currently we have no room whatsoever in our one bedroom, small apartment and it would be great for when they come and visit," Maria Levin said.
In other words, they bought their building knowing there was a tenant in one of the units and that tenant can't just be kicked out because they need their own personal Airbnb, but despite knowing all that AHEAD OF TIME, they are stunned that the tenant won't just sheepishly pack up and go.
(If they weren't notified about the tenant, or the tenant was hiding in the closet when they did their inspections, that's another story but I doubt it.)
(Also, it will cost whatever you work out with the tenant. If the tenant will move for $30K, then it'll cost that. If the tenant will move for $26 and a Wade Boggs rookie card, so much the better.)
Advice for the Levins: if you don't want this problem, don't buy a building with a tenant.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Consumer Reports' Worst Fast Food Restaurants: Yes, mostly terrible
I see the busybodies at Consumer Reports are back on the job telling us what fast food is OK and what isn't. Leaving aside The Fast Food Golden Rule - A N Y F A S T F O O D I S G R E A T I F Y O U ' R E H U N G O V E R E N O U G H - let's see how they did!
According to this article in "The Week," Consumer Reports surveyed 32,000 non-hungover people and asked them to rank "food quality and freshness, value, politeness, speed of service, and cleanliness of the dining area." I see your problem right there, since you should be ranking Fat and Carb Content, Whether You Can Fill Your Own Soda, Likelihood There Is a Hobo Sleeping in the Next Booth, How Big Are the Fries, and Is This a Wendys. But anyway, here are the worst, from not-quite-the-worst to Basically Inedible. Drum roll please, for 11 to 7:
Yeah, Panda Express is totally gross. Exhibit #1:
Sorry, I hope you didn't just eat. Apart from ghastly combinations like this, most of their food is unrecognizable glop slopped on top of rice or spaghetti noodles. But if you're not changing planes, when are you ever going to have to eat at a Panda Express? If you subject yourself to that, it's your own fucking fault.
Taco Bell is what it is. If you want La Cumbre, go to La Cumbre. If you want a chicken-type product in a tortilla for a dollar, go to the Bell.
I haven't eaten Little Caesars in maybe 25 years so I can't comment.
Domino's is horrible. Good job Consumer Reports. The only time you can ever reasonably eat Domino's is if you're in a hotel in Sioux Falls and nothing else is open or in some kind of terrorist-type scenario where a madman is going to blow up a puppy camp if you don't eat it.
I could have a Pizza Hut once in a while, just for their weird spongy crust. I've never fucked with any of the shit they started doing to their crust like stuffing all that crap in it.
BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE:
I have no idea what "CiCi's Pizza" is but usually nothing that comes from Texas is any good for anyone.
Burger King is OK. Hey, do you have a Burger King vs. McDonald's preference? Is it normal to have such a preference? Is that something you should discuss with your doctor, like Abilify?
I have McDonald's like once or twice a year and I never regret it any more. I like those flat cheeseburgers. Did you ever see "Super Size Me" where that guy ate nothing but McDonald's for a month or whatever? I saw it and it made me want McDonald's SO BAD that we left the movie theater after it and went straight to a McDonald's.
I never had Church's Chicken in my life.
And finally SBARRO. Yes, Sbarro is terrible. I have no further comment on the issue.
According to this article in "The Week," Consumer Reports surveyed 32,000 non-hungover people and asked them to rank "food quality and freshness, value, politeness, speed of service, and cleanliness of the dining area." I see your problem right there, since you should be ranking Fat and Carb Content, Whether You Can Fill Your Own Soda, Likelihood There Is a Hobo Sleeping in the Next Booth, How Big Are the Fries, and Is This a Wendys. But anyway, here are the worst, from not-quite-the-worst to Basically Inedible. Drum roll please, for 11 to 7:
Yeah, Panda Express is totally gross. Exhibit #1:
Sorry, I hope you didn't just eat. Apart from ghastly combinations like this, most of their food is unrecognizable glop slopped on top of rice or spaghetti noodles. But if you're not changing planes, when are you ever going to have to eat at a Panda Express? If you subject yourself to that, it's your own fucking fault.
Taco Bell is what it is. If you want La Cumbre, go to La Cumbre. If you want a chicken-type product in a tortilla for a dollar, go to the Bell.
I haven't eaten Little Caesars in maybe 25 years so I can't comment.
Domino's is horrible. Good job Consumer Reports. The only time you can ever reasonably eat Domino's is if you're in a hotel in Sioux Falls and nothing else is open or in some kind of terrorist-type scenario where a madman is going to blow up a puppy camp if you don't eat it.
I could have a Pizza Hut once in a while, just for their weird spongy crust. I've never fucked with any of the shit they started doing to their crust like stuffing all that crap in it.
BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE:
I have no idea what "CiCi's Pizza" is but usually nothing that comes from Texas is any good for anyone.
Burger King is OK. Hey, do you have a Burger King vs. McDonald's preference? Is it normal to have such a preference? Is that something you should discuss with your doctor, like Abilify?
I have McDonald's like once or twice a year and I never regret it any more. I like those flat cheeseburgers. Did you ever see "Super Size Me" where that guy ate nothing but McDonald's for a month or whatever? I saw it and it made me want McDonald's SO BAD that we left the movie theater after it and went straight to a McDonald's.
I never had Church's Chicken in my life.
And finally SBARRO. Yes, Sbarro is terrible. I have no further comment on the issue.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Checking out at Walgreens is now an unending Kafkaesque nightmare
It used to be so easy to buy something at Walgreens! You exchanged cash for your dry goods and went on your way, back to your telegraph shoppe to have a tincture and a linotype. NO MORE.
Walgreens now is equipped with devices programmed by Top Researchers designed to create a state of anger and longing that will prompt you to buy more Wal-profen or Wal-diazepene next time you're in Walgreens. Devious, but effective. These Torture Boxes look like this:
Checking out at Walgreens is now a 22-step process that reminds me of getting a home loan but is less fun. I recently traveled to my Regular Walgreens on Van Ness (hi guys!) and to spend $7 on some chocolate covered raisins and beef jerky. In order to leave said Walgreens with said items, here's what you have to do:
1. Swipe your Walgreens card YEAH RIGHT like you carry it around with you. I don't know if I ever had one. Enter your phone number instead. You want savings, don't you?
2. This is my fave: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR RECEIPT? With FOUR FUCKING AVAILABLE OPTIONS. I've never stuck around to read them all but I assume besides "printed receipt" and "email receipt" the other 2 are "BEAM IT TELEPATHICALLY INTO MY ASSISTANT'S BRAIN" and "written in the stars."
3. Would you like to donate to Juvenile Something Something Something? This is now the third step and we are nowhere near getting chocolate covered raisins into our face hole.
4. Would you like cash back today?
OMG WALGREENS STOP. This reminds me of an unfunny anecdote. When paying by debit first appeared back in the early 90's I was new to the concept and gave it a shot at, of all places, the Carl's Jr in Mountain View. So I slid my card through and all and the lady behind the counter whose first language was not English said "KAZBAK!!!" And I was like "I'm sorry?" And she said "KAZBAK!!!!" And I figured out she was saying "Cash back?" Oh.
No, I don't want kazbak. I'm at a Walgreens with 20 angry office people behind me. Let's not start banking together, Walgreens.
5. OK SLIDE YOUR CARD!!!!
Now we're getting somewhere.
6. ENTER PIN!!!
I'm on this.
7. Would you like cash back today?
OH MY FUCKING GOD WALGREENS I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS
Hand to God this happened today. This Walgreens credit card terminal has as its LIFE MISSION to make sure EVERYONE who might want cash has ample opportunity to get it.
I finally got my stuff. Walgreens, stop it.
Walgreens now is equipped with devices programmed by Top Researchers designed to create a state of anger and longing that will prompt you to buy more Wal-profen or Wal-diazepene next time you're in Walgreens. Devious, but effective. These Torture Boxes look like this:
 |
| Photo courtesy of Mike Mozart, who appears to be borderline obsessed with chain stores and consumer products, which I salute and endorse. |
1. Swipe your Walgreens card YEAH RIGHT like you carry it around with you. I don't know if I ever had one. Enter your phone number instead. You want savings, don't you?
2. This is my fave: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR RECEIPT? With FOUR FUCKING AVAILABLE OPTIONS. I've never stuck around to read them all but I assume besides "printed receipt" and "email receipt" the other 2 are "BEAM IT TELEPATHICALLY INTO MY ASSISTANT'S BRAIN" and "written in the stars."
3. Would you like to donate to Juvenile Something Something Something? This is now the third step and we are nowhere near getting chocolate covered raisins into our face hole.
4. Would you like cash back today?
OMG WALGREENS STOP. This reminds me of an unfunny anecdote. When paying by debit first appeared back in the early 90's I was new to the concept and gave it a shot at, of all places, the Carl's Jr in Mountain View. So I slid my card through and all and the lady behind the counter whose first language was not English said "KAZBAK!!!" And I was like "I'm sorry?" And she said "KAZBAK!!!!" And I figured out she was saying "Cash back?" Oh.
No, I don't want kazbak. I'm at a Walgreens with 20 angry office people behind me. Let's not start banking together, Walgreens.
5. OK SLIDE YOUR CARD!!!!
Now we're getting somewhere.
6. ENTER PIN!!!
I'm on this.
7. Would you like cash back today?
OH MY FUCKING GOD WALGREENS I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS
Hand to God this happened today. This Walgreens credit card terminal has as its LIFE MISSION to make sure EVERYONE who might want cash has ample opportunity to get it.
I finally got my stuff. Walgreens, stop it.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Is this the worst hotel in San Francisco?
During my perambulations about town, I often pass the Red Coach Motor Lodge on the corner of Eddy and Polk. Perhaps betraying my own internalized prejudices, and because this place happens to be in the Tenderloin, I sometimes think "MAN I bet that place is sketchy as fuck."
WRONG! Based on TripAdvisor reviews, the Red Coach Motor Lodge is actually "good, comfortable, clean and safe value with nice staff." The rooms are "clean and comfortable and had everything you would need," and "when we left the hotel and realised we had left our passports in their safe gave our children lollipops to make up for the extra travelling we had had to do to go back for them!" Holy crap, I want to stay there now! All the reviews concede that the area is a little sketchy but everyone says the place is great and makes up for it. (Well, not everyone, of course - Mr. "Zona Peligrosa, cuidado" said some mean things I think but they're in Spanish so I'm not 100% sure.) Anyway, another example of Neighborhood Bias coming into play.
But that got me wondering. What really is the Worst Hotel in San Francisco?
The Travelodge on Market - you know, behind the Flax Art Supply, across Valencia from Martuni's? - isn't going to win any Hotel of the Year Awards. TripAdvisor review headlines include "Don't dismiss the bad reviews this place is an abomination," "Stay here at your own peril," and "DO NOT STAY HERE. EVER." Hmmmm, maybe the "Traveler photos" will help?
OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY EYES. Something about "bed bugs." Oh fuck now I'm worried because I walked within 100 yards of this place before. Anyway, don't stay there.
But amazing as this may seem, the Travelodge on Market is NOT the lowest rated San Francisco hotel on TripAdvisor. It's not even the Sonoma Inn on Bush & Van Ness, which appears to have been burnt out and is boarded up and has a mysterious drainage pipe emerging from the front (Traveler Tip - Room 231 has a water slide/emergency exit!).
The lowest rated hotel I could find on TripAdvisor was the apparently incorrectly named Best Hotel, at Taylor and Eddy.
On the bright side, it is next to the Cool Super Discount Market.
On the downside, "TERRIBLE PLACE with mean homeless people doing drugs on doorstep that screamed at us to get lost.... Had to literally push door open past them to get in." Although, tbh, "Candy L." from Akron, Ohio, you also said you were paying $40 a night and I'm not sure you could even get a room in Akron Ohio for $40 a night. But then apparently the front desk people are "impolite unfriendly and not very motivated!" so they're not helping much either.
So there you have it. The Best Hotel. Quite possibly the Worst Hotel in San Francisco.
 |
| The Red Coach, via Street View (I mean, obviously, there isn't "San Fra" painted down the middle of Polk Street) |
But that got me wondering. What really is the Worst Hotel in San Francisco?
The Travelodge on Market - you know, behind the Flax Art Supply, across Valencia from Martuni's? - isn't going to win any Hotel of the Year Awards. TripAdvisor review headlines include "Don't dismiss the bad reviews this place is an abomination," "Stay here at your own peril," and "DO NOT STAY HERE. EVER." Hmmmm, maybe the "Traveler photos" will help?
OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY EYES. Something about "bed bugs." Oh fuck now I'm worried because I walked within 100 yards of this place before. Anyway, don't stay there.
But amazing as this may seem, the Travelodge on Market is NOT the lowest rated San Francisco hotel on TripAdvisor. It's not even the Sonoma Inn on Bush & Van Ness, which appears to have been burnt out and is boarded up and has a mysterious drainage pipe emerging from the front (Traveler Tip - Room 231 has a water slide/emergency exit!).
 |
| The Sonoma Inn. Please enjoy our complimentary |
On the bright side, it is next to the Cool Super Discount Market.
On the downside, "TERRIBLE PLACE with mean homeless people doing drugs on doorstep that screamed at us to get lost.... Had to literally push door open past them to get in." Although, tbh, "Candy L." from Akron, Ohio, you also said you were paying $40 a night and I'm not sure you could even get a room in Akron Ohio for $40 a night. But then apparently the front desk people are "impolite unfriendly and not very motivated!" so they're not helping much either.
So there you have it. The Best Hotel. Quite possibly the Worst Hotel in San Francisco.
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