Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.  Last time we spoke, the Giants and A's both were down 2 games to none in a best of 5 series, and, as you may recall, my co-worker (and me, for that matter) held out little hope for the G's to peel off 3 in a row in Cincinnati or Cinncinati or whatever they have there and win the NLDS.

Well, well.

We watched Tuesday afternoon's game at the venerable Zeke's Diamond Bar with about 15 other hardcores.  It started out like Game 2, with the Giants making another decent, but not godlike, pitcher look like Roger Clemens channeling Sandy Koufax after eating Don Larsen and having a seance with Christy Mathewson.  In other words, for the second game in a row, a Cincinnati pitcher carried a no-hitter into the 5th inning.  Jesus Christ.

But then, amazingly, the Giants scored somehow on a combination of hit batsman and walks and sac flies or some kind of mystical bullshit and carried it into extra innings and somehow scraped out a win.

I was then felled by a horrible cold which had started with me sneezing and blowing my nose at Zeke's like I was in Contagion or something and blossomed Wednesday into a Full Bore Illness.  So I stayed home and watched.  When Angel Pagan lifted the second pitch into the seats, I thought, whoa, we might have something.  Of course the Reds were using some starter they found in a utility closet but whatever, it's the major leagues and you're responsible for your own shit.  The Giants go on to win 8-3 in a laugher that also saw Tim Lincecum come in and act like it' was 2008 all over again.

And so this brings us to today.  They're playing at 10 am?  I'm back at work.  Have to go investigate my streaming options.  Fuck this scheduling.  Oh, one other thing I've gotta take care of.

There is no chance the Giants will win today.  INITIATE NEGATIVE JINX SEQUENCE.

(Over in the East Bay, our cousins the A's are enjoying a similarly rapturous comeback, but I haven't really watched any of their games so all I can say is congrats, A's.)

A brief conversation with my co-worker about the Giants' remaining prospects in the playoffs

Coworker:

Of course it's still winnable.  Vogelsong comes on this afternoon and pitches like he did in his last seven starts.  Pagan and Scutaro get on base and score.  Then tomorrow Zito pitches well and Lincecum comes out of the bullpen and the change in speeds throws off the Reds hitters.  Then, if they win both of those, you know they'll win the fifth game.  They'll have all the momentum.  And Cain will pitch that game and shut them down.

Me:

But what do you think is actually going to happen?

Coworker:

Oh, they're going to lose today, for sure.

So here we are.  All those games, all those freezing nights at the yard, all those beers, more of those beers, and it comes down to today at 2:30.  And then, if that goes right, it all comes down to tomorrow.  And then the next day.  Is it possible for the Giants to win 3 in a row in Cincinnati after floundering helplessly the first two games?  Of course it's possible. Quantum mechanics teaches that it's possible for one solid to pass completely through another solid.  It's just incredibly unlikely.  It's POSSIBLE that Pablo Sandoval will lay off a pitch around his eyes.  It's just incredibly unlikely.

(Also, Tim Lincecum's Dad is mad because Tim is pitching out of the bullpen?  DAD, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!!!!!  But really, if Tim wanted to get a start in the postseason Tim would have been well-advised not to have the highest ERA among all starting pitchers with enough innings to qualify.  Jesus Christ, Dad.  If I got rewarded for my performance in prior years, I'd get the start tomorrow for my little league team and nobody wants to see a 6'4" middle aged man bringing the gas against little Connor and Caden.  BACK THE FUCK UP I OWN THE PLATE.  It would be kinda fun, actually.)

We are expanding our roster

Please join me in welcoming Buster Matt Cain Shooter The Assassin Yards After the Catch K*:

[* Name not 100% cleared with The Wife yet]

That's right!  In 2030, this lil guy will be showing a fake ID to the door dude at the Uptown.  Or a fake retinal scan or Implant Identity Chip or whatever they have then.  

Can't tell much from that photo, huh?  I've taken the liberty of adding annotations:

Just like Dad!

What else?  We're very excited, obvs.  I promise not to become a Daddy Blogger.  Ugh, just typing that felt dirty.

How a company that makes cheap disposable backpacks wasted my time yesterday

A couple of weeks ago I was notified about the following event:

I guess it's some promotional event for Jansport, the company that makes the ubiquitous cheap disposable backpacks that emo girls put buttons all over.  Whatever, sounds like fun, right?  I like the Dodos!  (BTW, if you're not familiar, check them out, they're great.) And, as the accompanying email made clear, FREE BEER!  And Treasure Island!  I'm sold!  Sign me up!

The way this worked was, you have to personally RSVP and then they send you a confirmation email.  So Stoney and I sign up and we get out emails and we're all set.

We are advised that the doors open at 5:30.  We arrive around 5:45 and there is a line at least several hundred people long.  I can immediately see what the problem is: it appears there is one person checking the list and IDs and whatnot.  Hey, no biggie, we can wait.  The line seems to be moving.

Until we get close.  When we are maybe 50 people from the entrance, the line stops.  Now, this is an outdoor thing and so we can fully hear the bands and see all the Lucky Admittees strolling around with their free beers and so what the fuck.  Finally, we hear through the grapevine that they have reached capacity and they're not letting anyone else in.

WHAT THE FUCK.

So you're telling me that I RSVP'd and you sent me back an email saying come on over and I got there 15 minutes after the doors opened and I can see with my own fucking eyes that it's not crowded inside and after waiting an hour I can't get in?

WELL FUCK YOU JANSPORT. 

Hey, I understand that there is a limited capacity, but knowing that, why did you send out confirmation emails to people and lead them to believe they could get in?  I can understand overbooking by maybe 50 or 60, but when we gave up and left, there were several hundred people still in line.  NOT FUCKING COOL.

Now, Jansport, I'm not going to tell you how to run your promotional events, but here are some suggestions that might help out next time:

1. If you're going to have a whole rigamarole for RSVP'ing and sending out email confirmations, that should mean something.  Like, if the capacity is 1,000, don't send out 2,000 confirmations.  In this case, the confirmations meant exactly nothing.  You might as well have just admitted the first 1,000 people to show up and dispensed with the fucking email confirmations.

2. If you decided that you've reached some arbitrary capacity and you're not letting anyone else is, hey how about an announcement? Why don't you have some dork with a bullhorn go "We have reached capacity and we're not letting anyone else in"?  That would have saved some time.

3. Seriously, go fuck yourself.

So everyone, let's do what little we can do and NEVER PURCHASE ANOTHER JANSPORT PRODUCT AGAIN.  Not like you were going to anyway, but don't.

Urban etiquette: You and Your Fucking Cell Phone

BASIC RULE: Never talk on your cell phone in public, ever.

OK, maybe that's unrealistic.  If your arm has been severed and you're gushing fountains of blood onto Van Ness and some guy is still trying to sell you a Street Sheet even as you start to lose consciousness, maybe then. 

Still too restrictive? Let's try and set some parameters then.

1. Interacting with Others: Don't Use Cell Phone

Look, maybe Walgreens clerks aren't Angels Sent From Heaven or Britney Spears or Your Mom.  Well, they might be your Mom, based on what I know about you.  Anyway, they're human beings and deserve common decency, which means interacting with them and saying "Thank You" and "Can you turn that display thing around so I can see how much my dental tape and copy of US Weekly and impulse buy Mr. Goodbar is going to cost?" instead of going blah blah blah into your phone and ignoring them. 

2. Crowded Public Transit Situation: Don't Use Cell Phone

True Story: I was on the 41-Union (which you already know this is going to be trouble, based on your 41-Union crowd) and some Jen in the back is braying into her phone about some meaningless crap and other people are talking and whatever and this Jen goes "Can you please hold it down?  I'M ON THE PHONE." 

Stunned silence.  It worked!

Don't be a Jen.  When you're on a crowded bus/train/whatever, keep your fucking voice down.  No one wants to hear about your new job or sexual exploits or family drama.  Well, it's possible I want to hear about your sexual exploits, so if you see me sidling up next to you, keep going with that.

3.  Everywhere: Turn Off the Fucking Click Sound

Hey hey hey, everybody, guess what? You can make your iPhone audibly CLICK every time you touch something so when you're texting your bros it can go CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK every time you hit a key so "idk" is CLICKCLICKCLICK and "c u l8r" is CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK.  Turn that feature off.

4. Here's a Good Test to Use if You're Wondering Whether You're Being an Asshole

If you're on your cell, and you hold up one finger in that "Wait just a second" motion, you're being an asshole.

5. If There Were Any Justice or Goodness in the World, You Could Be Legally Shot for These Things

- Talking EXTREMELY LOUDLY in an airport departure lounge about NOTHING. How can you tell? If you just used the phrase "I'm at the airport now."
- Talking on a cell phone in an elevator
- Looking at your Glowing Screen in a theater of any kind during a performance/show/band/movie.  I'm not even going to address answering your phone during a movie, because that is roughly the equivalent of lowering your pants and taking a shit in the middle of the sidewalk and I assume we all know that you can't do that.

6. Why are you even talking on your cell phone anyway? Do you not know about texting?

Texting is better in every situation, always. Just remember this simple rule: Always text, always.

You're not imagining things. This has been the shittiest September in SF in years.

I'm always bitching about the weather.  That's because I just want it to be the best it can be!  No, really, we have this understanding here in lovely San Francisco: we will put up with cold and fog in June, July, and August, and in return, we will get glorious sunshine and warmth in September and October.

So far?  Not this year.

I had a feeling that this September has been totally fucked, so I went to the trusty records at Weather Underground to check and yes, I am right.  Here are the numbers, going back to 2008.

THIS YEAR, we have had a grand total of 6 days in September when it was 70 degrees or higher.  (The 1st,10th, 11th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd.)  The high temperature for the WHOLE FUCKING MONTH has been 75 GODDAM DEGREES, on September 10.  That's right.  The hottest it's been in September is 75.  That's down jacket weather in Honolulu.

So is that unusual for September?  FUCK YES.  Last year, there were 20 days in September over 70 degrees.  In fact, there were 5 days in the 80s and 1 day in the 90s.

In 2010, there were 21 days over 70, including 5 days in the 80s and 5 days in the 90s.

Remember 2009?  If you don't, it's probably because you got heatstroke and you were in a coma most of the month, because it was over 70 almost every day.  25 days, to be exact, including 10 days of Zeitgeist-crowded, Phil Collins No Jacket Required 80s. 

So if you think this September - and, fuck it, this whole summer - has been shitty and cold, you're right. I went back to 1980 looking for another September this cold and couldn't find one and gave up.  WHO DO I WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER TO ABOUT THIS.

All I can say is it better be like Tahiti up in this bitch for all of October or I will FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

Today in Old Guy Rock news

Back in 1985 I bought an album called "New Day Rising" by a band called Hüsker Dü on CASSETTE.  This wasn't an ironic, arch, look-at-how-quirky-we-are-releasing-an-album-on-cassette thing, it was a thing because bands used to release albums on cassettes as a primary medium because people had cassette players.  There was no such thing as CDs and computers cost $10,000 and didn't do anything interesting.  DINOSAURS ROAMED THE LAND AND THE COSBY SHOW WAS ON PRIMETIME.  I was an impressionable youngster and loved the fuck out of this cassette (and the other Hüsker Dü stuff I subsequently bought).

Hüsker Dü went on to influence pretty much every band that came after them, including most bands you like.

 Hüsker Dü broke up and Bob Mould, the frontman, went on to form another group called Sugar that I also fell in love with, predictably enough.  And he also put out a bunch of solo stuff.  Then he started doing some electronica stuff that I never paid attention to.

Fast forward to now.  Bob Mould has put out a new album which is great and sounds just like classic Bob Mould stuff. (Well, it sounds like Sugar more than Hüsker, but that's fine with me.)


Bob looks like a comp lit professor in this video. We've all gotten old!

So Bob's playing tonight at the Fillmore.  I'll be there.  This'll be fun because I'm usually in the 95% percentile of oldest people at shows but I'll be in the bottom 20% at this one.  Also, The Thermals are opening and they're pretty great too.I was wrong; Churches are opening, not The Thermals, whoops.

If you're thinking about going and you're on the fence, let me just tell you that a couple of years ago I saw Bob solo at a Noise Pop show and even though it was just him and an electric guitar, no backing band or anything, I think it was one of the best shows I've ever seen.