World Series Game 1: Verlanderp

I. Am. An idiot.

Yesterday, I watched ticket prices for last night's game on StubHub fall below $300 apiece for reasonably good seats by 3:30 p.m.  It was actually amazing how cheap they were getting.  But did I say "Oh, fuck it, I can't pass this up, I gotta go"?  NO OF COURSE NOT.

No, you see, I was planning to go tonight because I bought into the lamestream media narrative about how Justin Verlander was UNHITTABLE and would not only throw a perfect game but would probably also hit a grand slam.  The media coronation of Verlander was so complete that I didn't want to drop $700 to see the Giants lose.  I should have listened to the Verlander truthers who were laughed at for suggesting that last night would be an inside job and a repeat of Verlander's last World Series start, against the Cardinals in 2006, when he gave up 6 runs in 5 innings for a 10.80 ERA.  LAUGHED AT. 

So you know what happened.  This time, Verlander changed it up a little and only went 4 innings and gave up 5 runs for an 11.25 ERA.

Wait, I think I've seen this movie before!  Remember what they told us before Game 1 of the 2010 series?  I do, because I used my rapier-like wit on it then:

Cliff Lee is the most ungodly pitiching talent you will ever see. He throws 105 miles per hour and strikes out the guy selling churros in the stands, that's how good he is. If the Giants somehow manage to cobble together one run by cheating or divine intervention, it will truly be a Fatima-level miracle. This kid makes Sandy Koufax look like Salomon Torres after a three-day bender. Plus, he's from Arkansas, so he's a Real American.

Cliff Lee got chased in the 5th and the Giants won 11-7. Last night, Verlander got chased after 4 and the Giants won 8-3. 

Moving on.  PABLO SANDOVAL.  PABLO SANDOVAL.  He hit 3 home runs last night, or roughly 4 more than people expected.  That's right, Verlander is so good he can throw NEGATIVE HOME RUNS that actually take a run off the board.  But not last night!  Pablo joins Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson, and Albert Pujols as the 4th guy in history to hit 3 home runs in a World Series game.  I was going to make a Babe Ruth fat joke here but I held off.

After the second one, Verlander was so shocked he just goes "Wow."  HOW FUNNY IS THAT.

I haven't even gotten to the pitching and the Amazing Story of Where the Fuck Has This Barry Zito Been for the Last Five Years but you people have the attention spans of fruit flies so my time here is drawing short.  There are many more games left to play and it's unlikely that the Giants will sweep so EVERYBODY KEEP FOCUSED and we have a long way to go blah blah blah.

(Oh, one other thing, because it can't be all sunshine and roses: Hunter Pence, dude, you seem like a good guy, but what the fuck?  You used to be able to hit?  What the fuck happened to you?  Did you participate in a some kind of black magic ritual and transfer all your Baseball Strength to Barry Zito?  I mean, that's cool and everything, but I hope he's taking care of you because you look like a tweaked-out gardener swinging a brush cutter up there.)

GAME TWO TONIGHT.  WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN.  GIANTS FEVER: CATCH IT!!!!!!!!

(To close my thought from above, about why I'm an idiot for thinking I could even go tonight: As of this second (10:14 a.m.), there are a paltry 1,451 tickets available on StubHub, starting at $540 for Standing Room Only.  Yesterday afternoon there were around 8,000 tickets left, and you could get good seats for $300.  Amazing what a win will do.  Also, needless to say, I'm not going tonight.)