Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Andre Agassi, tweaker

Holy shit! In his new bio, Andre Agassi talks about how he used to use crystal meth. Check this shit out! ("Slim" is one of his assistants):

"Slim is stressed too ... He says, You want to get high with me? On what? Gack. What the hell's gack? Crystal meth. Why do they call it gack? Because that's the sound you make when you're high ... Make you feel like Superman, dude.

"As if they're coming out of someone else's mouth, I hear these words: You know what? F*** it. Yeah. Let's get high.

"Slim dumps a small pile of powder on the coffee table. He cuts it, snorts it. He cuts it again. I snort some. I ease back on the couch and consider the Rubicon I've just crossed.

"There is a moment of regret, followed by vast sadness. Then comes a tidal wave of euphoria that sweeps away every negative thought in my head. I've never felt so alive, so hopeful - and I've never felt such energy.

"I'm seized by a desperate desire to clean. I go tearing around my house, cleaning it from top to bottom. I dust the furniture. I scour the tub. I make the beds."

Haha. The stars - they're just like you and me! If you've ever known anyone who was on the meth, you'll recognize the cleaning instinct right away. One friend of mine had a roommate who liked the meth, and he'd wake up and find his roomie vacuuming away at 4:30 a.m. I know another guy who rearranged all his several hundred CDs by color - so the shelves looked like a giant VIBGYOR (or Roy G. Biv, if that's your pref).

Anyway, I don't know why the Agassi thing seems so surprising. Maybe because you tend to think of professional athletes and entertainers and stuff liking coke more than meth. It just seems weird, right?


Anonymous said...

I was JUST reading about this and had the same baffled reaction. Also, how about the revelation that his authoritarian dick father made him endlessly return balls from a homemade ball machine that Andre called 'the dragon'?

TK said...

I didn't know the thing about the father; that's creepy. That'd make anyone do meth.

Apropos of nothing, mockduck, whenever I see your blog's name, the song "Black Duck Blues" by Young Republic pops into my head and gets stuck there. Check it out; it's a pretty great song.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for supplying the official Mock Duck blog fight song.

I got the homemade ball machine bit from this story < > which includes some other weird tidbits, along with the delightfully hamfisted simile 'Your own life is hard enough. Living somebody else's life for them weighs on a man like a stone backpack.'

Keep up the good work. And, go Phillies.

Rocco said...

If "Slim" had an 8-ball on him instead, cut to them sitting around yakking at each other instead of going on a cleaning spree.