Let the Oompa Loompa go.

It's a world gone mad. You knew that. Look at this:

Oompa Loompa causes mall chaos

I know what you're saying: "I didn't know Oompa Loompas were real!! Or is that Oompa Loompae?" I know, I got confused too. Here's the scoop:

Wearing the trademark green wig, brown shirt and white overalls, one of Jeff Beacher's Madhouse Oompa Loompas was detained by security guards in Plantation,
Fla., on Friday.

While promoting his upcoming comedy show scheduled for Saturday night at the Seminole Coconut Creek Casino, Donnie Davis was handcuffed and detained for several hours at the mall. He had been laughing and hyping the show in one of the mall's trendy jeans and accessories stores – much to the dismay of mall authorities, it seems.

"They got Donnie and cuffed him," Jeff Beacher, creator of the touring comedy show, tells PEOPLE. "He and several other Oompa Loompas have been promoting the tour, and I guess security finally got fed up with them. It was ridiculous – one of the craziest and funniest things I have ever seen ... Not to mention a little over the top! They are innocent Oompa Loompas!"

Hundreds of Florida shoppers agreed. When the security officer cuffed Davis, they were laughing and screaming: "Let the Oompa Loompa go!"

Ladies and gentlemen, you can fuck with Supreme Court nominees all you want, but I WILL BE GODDAMNED IF I SIT BY AND LET YOU MESS WITH AN OOMPA LOOMPA.

"Let the Oompa Loompa go." Let's all take that to heart.

Why was I reading People online? Because I'm interested in Jon Gosselin's 22-year-old bisexual, party animal girlfriend? True, I do have a keen interest in 22-year-old bisexual girls, but no. In fact, I don't know why. I think I was interested in his Jon's new pad on the Upper West Side. Real estate! Forget sybaritic young lasses. At my age, apartment envy is what gets my blood pumping.

Happy Friday, everyone! Hey, you know what would make American politics more interesting? Rape threats.

It was supposed to be the high point of her speech — to applause from her audience, a leading member of India's ruling Congress Party suggested that a rival leader be raped so she can understand the plight of rape victims.

Surprise, surprise, Rita Bahuguna Joshi! Instead of some Tasty Opponent Rape, you went and got arrested and got your house burned down! Let that be a lesson to you, politicians!

Have a nice weekend. Look out for rampaging Oompa Loompae and rape-threatening Indian politicians!