Wednesday, February 13, 2013

What the fuck is up with this ad for chocolate?

Check out Russell Stover's 2013 V-Day joint:


OK, so let's leave aside the YOU MUST BUY CHOCOLATE OR ELSE message, like, what if my gf's a diabetic, Russell Stover?  What then?  Instead, let's focus on how fucking weird all the males in this ad are.  First we have your classic pudgy middle manager with the goatee type you can see in any airport or Home Depot.  Despite his nasally Wisconsinesque accent, he's not all THAT objectionable except you just KNOW he totally listens to Rush Limbaugh every day and maybe flirted with birtherism and forwarded some racist Photoshop emails.

OK, next guy, WHOA.  Chin much?  And that grey stubble/Just For Men head hair combo isn't doing anyone any favors.  But he seems harmless enough. I guess he's here to appeal to the smoked-pot-in-college-rides-a-motorcycle-on-weekends-builds-furniture-in-the-garage demo.

THIRD we have an otherwise cleancut young man who is clearly wearing lip gloss.  "No chocolate? Big trouble," he warns us, but notice he never uses any female pronouns.

FINALLY we have Kindly Gramps who still gets his wife chocolate!  Or maybe she passed away and he has a lady friend now.  You can see them out in his golf cart tooling around the Planned Retirement Community, talking about their grandkids and gout and whatnot.  We'll follow up the Russell Stover with a couple of Tom Collinses and then hit the hay around 7:30.

I don't object to a little V-D candy, Russell, but couldn't you find anyone, I don't know, maybe attractive to push it?

5 comments:

GG said...

Did you notice that gramps is actually bringing chocolate home for his husband/boyfriend? I'm pretty sure I heard "you gotta give him chocolate." (I am choosing NOT to entertain the possibility that he said "give 'em," as in females,, because really, all chicks are the same, right?).

Also, everyone know that Russell Stover is gross drugstore chocolate, right? Every town at least has a See's. Step it up, dudes.

Tamagosan said...

Trust someone else to buy me chocolate, what with my super-snobby, fickle attitudes toward theobromides? I don't think so. The Professor knows better than that. If I dated a guy like this, however, I'd probably be thrilled with some Russel Stover gems and show off to my girlfriends the next time I was at the salon for a perm, while leafing through the Wal-Mart jewelry catalog, dreaming of engagement rings.

TK said...

gg - He's definitely saying the collective "em," as in "give 'em chocolate." I should have pointed that out too! Broads all like chocolate, y'know?

See's is much more widespread than I thought! Looks like you're SOL if you're in Montana, Wyoming, or the Dakotas, though.

generic said...

Nice try on the play for market share, but this is See's Country. Has been for 80 years. My great-grandmother ate See's. My boss goes through a box every month or so.

GG said...

"Looks like you're SOL if you're in Montana, Wyoming, or the Dakotas, though." True dat, but it's not from the lack of See's outposts.