Monday, January 11, 2010

The Sex Robot, or Shooting Fish &c.

I know this shit is already all over the Internets and it's the Fall of Humanity and blah blah blah whatever, but I'm sure everyone's just dying to know my jaundiced take on it, so let's do this thing:

New Jersey company TrueCompanion and Hines has developed the world’s first “sex robot”. The robot called ‘Roxxxy’ has different personalities and responds to the sense of touch. Roxxxy, is a female robot which acts as a life partner or mate for those who can’t find the 'real thing'. TrueCompanion claims Roxxxy “can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you and be your loving friend. She can talk to you, listen to you and feel your touch.”

TrueCompanion introduced its first robot, Trudy, in 1993.

The sex robot is a two and a half year project costing around $1 million. The company is currently working on the male version of the robot.

Roxxxy will be available in the US and European market from next week and will cost about $7,000 to $9,000 (excluding subscription fee).

First of all, "The Money Times," decide whether you like your punctuation inside or outside of your quotation marks and fucking stick with it. The bopping back and forth is maddening.

Second, what happened with Trudy? I don't remember hearing anything about Trudy. In '93, what was it? A blow-up doll with a couple of built-in Dustbusters and a cassette tape of Meg Ryan doing the orgasm scene in "When Harry Met Sally"?

Third, what does the "subscription fee" cover? Roxxy gets "US Weekly" or something? Actually, she'd be about midrange, IQ-wise, for the typical US Weekly reader, so I wouldn't rule it out.

Fourth, ugh:

Meet Roxxxy, the sex robot apparently modeled on Chrissie Hynde

But I saved the best for last:

Hines inspiration for Roxxxy came from the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks.

“I had a friend who passed away in 9/11. I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True
Companion,” said Hines.

Here we have reached the absolute nadir of 9/11 capitalization. You thought Rudy Giuliani was bad? You thought you couldn't get any more exploitive than the "Freedom Tower" coins? You, my friend, have underestimated the perseverance of American capitalism. Because a talking moving sex robot can't sell itself. But a 9/11-INSPIRED TALKING MOVING SEX ROBOT? That's what I'm talkin' about.


Whirlwind said...

"Those personality settings... are... called Wild Wendy, Frigid Farrah, Mature Martha, S&M Susan and an unnamed personality that is, according to the Daily Telegraph, "naive" and "young".

7,000 buys you a lot hookers - this is not holding up to my cost benefit analysis.

Rocco said...

roXXXy doesn't talk back.

Anonymous said...

you humans are very stupid!
-Frigid Farrah