The Wife and I have entered the Marin Dream House Raffle. Obviously, when we win, we're going to take the $1.6 million in cash and not the house, because (a) we couldn't afford the property taxes on the house, and (b) neither one of us particularly wants to live in Larkspur. Nothing personal, but if you've ever hung out in Larkspur, you know what I'm talking about.
SO after taxes we figure we'll clear like $800K. Not that much, but enough to make a good start of it. I've already got a few things picked out!
A Juicy Couture faux fur coat for my dog.
Faux fur is OK, but I was kind of hoping to find a REAL fur coat for my dog. Like a big Snoop Dogg fur. Because then my dog would be all "I AM SUCH A FUCKING BADASS I'M WEARING ANOTHER DOG'S FUR" except they probably don't make dog fur coats for dogs. Baby seal fur would be fine.
A custom built dog house would be cool too. Do you think they could build like a little mini-Zeitgiest with little tiny picnic tables in the back? That way we can have little happy hours and my dog's friends can come over and get wasted and throw up behind the Porta Potties. That would be cool.
I'll probably need this statue:
I have no idea what it's supposed to mean, either.
If there's any money left over, we're going to go to the Hemingway Bar at the Ritz in Paris and have a couple of those €400 Ritz Side Cars. That's about $570 apiece Amurican. Tell me it wouldn't be a fucking trip just to roll in there and go "Yo, Francois, set me and my homies up with a pitcher of those Side Cars. Chop chop, don't make whichever Olsen twin this is wait!"