Friday, May 22, 2009

Sure, Mom! Would you like to stay in our room with us too?

How can I put this delicately? My mother is...ummmm....not very normal. Yes, that'll do. Anyway, we kind of have a history and consequently we don't see each other much and, as it happens and for reasons too exhausting to detail here, she's not coming to my wedding, which is - hold the fucking phone - a week from tomorrow. Which is fine and I totally understand her reasons and whatever blah blah blah.

But here's the funny thing: she doesn't want to come to the wedding. She wants to come to the honeymoon.

Oh Christ. Here's how this went down. Super Hot Irish Girlfriend and I are getting married and then we're going to NYC for a few days and then Turks and Caicos to relax in tropical Caribbean splendor and have little men bring us fruity drinks whilst we recline under the palapa. ANYWAY, Mom calls me and says she has a delicious idea - "How about I meet you and SHIG in New York and you can tell me about the wedding?????"

Umm, how about no fucking way? Because our few days of romance and nightlife in New York would turn into a tightly-scripted Momcation with events planned to the minute and long evenings gazing into my Mother's eyes over a candlelit dinner. No. No no no no no.

So I tell her no and she's genuinely surprised and hurt. I mean, am I being crazy here? Growing up with this woman, you kind of lose your handle on what crazy is. So am I? Was it wrong of me to tell my Mom that she can't come with us on our honeymoon? It's kind of weird, isn't it, that I see her about once a year and the one time this year she wants to get together is my honeymoon?


Happy Friday, everyone!

So anyway, yeah, tonight is the bachelor party, for what's it's worth, but it's not going to be one of those crazy, limo-riding, strip-club-going kind of things. Just a nice dinner with the fellas and maybe kill a hooker hit a few bars.

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