Wednesday, June 12, 2013

You guys, I have some Game of Thrones questions

So we just watched the Season Finale last night and I gotta tell you I watched the whole series starting in January and I'm still not sure what the fuck is going on.  I mean, I think I have the broad plot strokes (but maybe not) but half the time I have no idea who the people on the screen are or why they're doing what they're doing.  Maybe you can help clear some stuff up for me.

POTENTIAL MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD - DO NOT READ IF THAT KIND OF THING BOTHERS YOU

1. The big ice wall thing, who built that?  How long ago?  And is it just to keep the ice zombies out? 

2. Why did that one guy cut off that other guy's dick and send it to that third guy in a box?

3. Why did the Head Lannister make the midget marry that young chick?

4. Roughly speaking, how many different guys are fighting to be in charge right now?  Is the Blonde Dragon Chick trying to get in on that and take over everything too?

5. Why is the young disabled kid kind of wandering around aimlessly with the kid from "Love Actually" and the retarded giant?  What's the point?

Thanks.  I'll take my answers off the air.

6 comments:

Stoney said...

1) The Wall was built thousands of years ago. Mainly to keep out the white walkers, but also other monsters, like direwolves and giants. By the time of the story most people believe that these monsters are mythical.

2) The dick belongs to the son of the other guy. It's basically a ransom note type of thing. "You leave my territory and I won't cut more parts off your son."

3) With all the legitimate, male Starks (thought to be) dead, Sansa is the heir to Winterfell, one of the 7 major houses. Big prize. The Lannisters are trying to consolidate power through marriage.

4) Since Robb Stark and Renly Baratheon are out of the running, there are currently 4 contenders for the throne. Joffrey, Stannis, the dude who got the dick mailed to him (Balon Greyjoy) and the blonde chick(Daenerys Targaryen).

5) The disabled kid is turning out to have very strong magic capabilities. The Love Actually kid is guiding him in order to hone his skills. I'm sure they will come into play later.

TK said...

FUCKING AWESOME. Thanks, Stoney!

thesoniashow said...

Thank you, Stoney! I watch this show every week, and I didn't know the answer to half of those questions.

GG said...

Even with a too-long explainer from my boyfriend, who has read all the books, after each episode, I still get lost (I also have some kind of brain impairment that gives me difficulty telling middle-aged white guys apart, which has led to other confusion on my part). Anyway, I like to read the reviews on the Onion's AV Club, Paste Magazine, the NYT and the Atlantic after each episode because they often note plot points I missed/was confused about -- that has really helped me keep the plotlines straight. Also, I recommend watching each episode twice, or if that's too annoying, re-watch the previous season while you're waiting for the next season to start.

Anna Donia said...

Great explanation Stoney! Question though, re: answer #4... The Red Woman said "blah blah blah the battle of five kings blah blah this war is more important;" "the war" being the white walkers coming. So, who are the five SHE was referring to? At this point, if I remember right, they know Rob Stark is dead.

Stoney said...

Anna, the 5 kings were Renly, Stannis, Joffrey, Robb, and Balon Greyjoy. In spite of the deaths of Renly and Robb, that's still the name of the war (ala 100 Years War).

They don't really consider Daenerys a player. At this point the people in Westeros are just starting to hear rumors about the dragons, etc.