Monday, June 10, 2013

Ask an 11-Week-Old Baby

Dear 11-Week-Old Baby,

My wife and I share one car.  Usually this is no problem because she takes the bus to work and I drive.  But now she says she wants to start driving to work.  If I have to take the bus, it will take me about an hour each way, instead of the 20 to 30 minutes it takes to drive.  We can't afford another car.  How can we resolve this?

Commuting Couple


Dear Commuting Couple,

Oh my fucking God are you fucking kidding me.  This is the kind of shit you can't work out on your own?  Try not having any gross motor control and get back to me.  Say, tell me something, can you get in your one car and go drive and get anything you want?  Guess what?  I am totally dependent on these two supergeniuses in my house to provide everything.  I can't even order fucking Chinese because I can't use a phone or speak or even use GrubHub or Eat24 or whatever works best today.

Here's an idea that works around my place.  Strap your wife into a six-point restraint and then put her in the backseat facing backwards and drive around for a while and then take her out when you're somewhere else.  That usually about does it for me.

"Can't afford another car."  Holy hell.

New topic, is your wife lactating, by any chance?

11-Week-Old Baby

3 comments:

thesoniashow said...

That photo made my ovaries ache.

Andrea Prete said...

Baby Beyonce is so super cute. Totally makes me want more.

We have one car. I take muni to work and have a zip car account for days I need a car (of course my company pays for the days I need a car).

Tamagosan said...

Beyonce drives. You both bus. Done.

I assume nobody wants to bike? (Walking sounds way too slow for your distance and I assume you've attempted some sort of carpool situation.) Or split weeks/days on who drives and who endures MUNI? After that, your next best option is basically hot air balloon.

In any case, let Beyonce know that her new print ads (for Pepsi?) make her look like Lil' Kim.