Friday, June 28, 2013

It's Name Change Friday!

HI-YO!  Let us return, as we must, to the rolls of those seeking to rebrand themselves with shiny new monikers.

First up we have one I like to call DOUBLE TROUBLE.


ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE FOR CHANGE OF NAME
CASE NUMBER: CNC-13-549553
PETITION OF: Amber R. Tyler FOR CHANGE OF NAME
TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: 1. Petitioner: Amber R. Tyler filed a petition with this court for a decree changing names as follows: Present name: a. Tyler Audriana Dempsey to Proposed name: Tyler Audriana Tyler

Uh-oh.  Here we have a situation where obviously things didn't work out with Mr. or Ms. Dempsey and so we're apparently giving young Tyler our last name which, unfortunately, is also Tyler. Tyler Tyler, welcome to a world of confusion.  Unless, of course, we're calling you "Audriana" (lovely, BTW), in which case Audriana Tyler sounds great and carry on then.

Next up is TOO MANY RICHARDS.

CIVIL AMENDED ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE FOR CHANGE OF NAME
Case No. CIV521327 Superior Court of California, County of San Mateo
Petition of: Rich Shapero for Change of Name
TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: Petitioner Rich Shapero filed a petition with this court for a decree changing names as follows:
Richard Wallace Shapero to Rich Shapero
Ransom Saltmarch to Rich Shapero
Richard Shapero to Rich Shapero
Richard W. Shapero to Rich Shapero

Apparently not content to change his own name, Rich Shapero wants to change EVERYBODY'S NAME!  ONE DAY SOON WE WILL ALL BE RICH SHAPERO. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

No, I'm just kidding, you guys.  Obviously Rich has been using a bunch of variations and wants to clean house.  So Richard W. and all its permutations will be just plain Rich.  Let's see, we've got Richard Wallace Shapero, fine, got that, Ransom Saltmarch, OK, fair enough. Richard Shapero, sure -

HOLD ON WAIT A SECOND.  Where did YOU come from, Ransom Saltmarch, besides probably a Thomas Pynchon novel?  How did you get mixed up with the Many Richard Shaperos?  Perhaps Rich has a secret life as the dashing Ransom Saltmarch, raising an eyebrow at you from the end of the bar as he lifts a perfectly made martini to his moustachioed lips.  "Surprised to find you here, Saltmarch," you'll say, joining him.  "Really?  I shouldn't think so," Ransom replies.  "Anyway, I was just leaving.  Here, let me get your drink.  Oh, all I have is baht.  Next time, perhaps."  Ransom puts on an exquisite overcoat and leaves, getting into an X-Type parked right in front of the entrance.  You crane your neck to watch but he's already gone.  Ransom Saltmarch.

Have a great weekend, everybody.  Especially you, Ransom.

8 comments:

Dusty Modern said...

If my parents had named me Ransom Saltmarch, things woulda been different. Very different. I probably would have invented AmazeBayBookSoft or something.

Stoney said...

Well, it's up for grabs now. Maybe we'll see your name pop up in the next Name Change Friday, Dusty.

TK said...

Yeah, you know, I hadn't considered that, Stoney, but I guess now that Rich is giving up rights to Ransom Saltmarch, anyone can claim it, right? Like a domain name that he let expire?

You're gonna have to beat me to the clerk's office, Dusty. I'll be there when it opens.

Dusty Modern said...

Since you're going to take it before I can, let me offer this additional guidance. It's even better if you correct people - every time they say the name - with, "it's pronounced saltmark, not -martch."

Stoney said...

Hahaha!

GG said...

If I ever have a kid, it's absolutely being named Ransom Saltmarch, boy or girl. P.S. From the title I immediately assumed you were HAVING ANOTHER BABY!

Tamagosan said...

Dying to know their playa names...

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