I got an email yesterday that started like this:
Hi,
My name is [REDACTED] from [REDACTED.COM]. I came across your site 40goingon28.blogspot.com, and it just totally put me in the mood for spring! Your site is not only refreshing but also makes gardening sound so fun and easy for those who aren't used to growing picture perfect plants like me. Since we have a wide range of gardening equipment, we'd love to collaborate with you.
I know, right? When you think "gardening," you think of 40goingon28 first, right? You know those countless thousands of posts I've written about gardening, right? I mean, gardening is pretty much the focus of my blog! Who can forget such posts as:
Putting Shit In The Ground and Then Later Eating What Comes Up: Gardening
Gardening: It's Not Just for Schizophrenics and the Elderly Any More!
Can I Grow Opium Poppies And Make My Own Vicodin From Them? Let's Find Out!
Gardening!: The Musical
I do make gardening sound fun and easy, don't I?
REDACTED had a pretty exciting offer for me. She sent me a JPG with some pictures of items. I get to pick an item and write about it! Then I get to keep the item! What could be easier!
Sadly, there was no "gardening equipment" depicted on the flyer, so REDACTED really let me down there. How am I supposed to keep my readers up to date on gardening without any free #GARDENING #SWAG? You suck, REDACTED. Now I'm mad at you.
Here's the item I'm picking:
I shit you not, this is exactly how it appeared in the image REDACTED sent me. $64.99! That's a fucking BARGAIN. No word on how big the Disco Ball is, but if the other stuff is to scale, my guess is that it's roughly grapefruit-sized. A disco ball for the Little People. They can hang it in their tiny nightclubs and dance under its tiny lights.
Here is my writing about Disco Ball:
TROUBLE IN TINY TOWN
by TK
Marian danced listlessly at Mini Ruby Skye, the best nightclub in town for Little People. Above her, DISCO BALL turned, sprinkling the tiny nightclub with shards of reflected light. But its gaily colored lights did not cheer Marian. For she had been distraught since she broke up with Brad.
Oh look, here was Brad now. What's this? He was also dancing beneath rotating DISCO BALL, but with his new girlfriend. No worry, thought Marian. They will both die soon.
How was that, REDACTED? Can I have by Disco Ball now?
4 comments:
"After their deaths, they were buried together in a friend's lovely garden. As the friend tended to her garden, meticulously deadheading her zinnias, pruning the rosebushes, and lightly misting the fuschia in the shaded, sandy soil it prefers, she reflected on her friends's lives and how much of it they had spent gardening. Gardening -- and their mutual love of it -- was truly the tie that bound the three of them together."
discogardening is the next big thing to haunt us from the 70s, i'm sure - late night garden parties with polyester loungewear, neverending donna summer songs, disco lighting and opium cocktails are worth bringing back, if they ever existed, which i'm pretty sure in san francisco they did. or just imagine yourself all alone, digging in the soft earth under the spotted light of disco ball, Earth, Wind & Fire softly playing in the background, late at night? sounds magic, really. so i think her email offer was prescient in a way you maybe shouldn't ignore.
So far, these are the best comments ever.
Does this mean you'll come weed my yard?
Post a Comment