Arizona law forces cities to resell guns from buy-back programs
By David Schwartz
PHOENIX (Reuters) - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer on Monday signed legislation forcing municipalities to resell firearms from gun buy-back programs rather than destroy them, closing a loophole in the conservative state's laws.
Brewer, a Republican and staunch gun rights advocate, signed the bill preventing local governments from melting down the weapons obtained from these popular civic events. Before the new law, the state had allowed such firearms to be destroyed.
In light of this forward-thinking and badly needed legislation, I have proposed the additional new laws for Arizona:
- Abortion completely free and legal, but only if you don't want one.
- Stolen property must be destroyed before being returned to rightful owner.
- Limits on campaign contributions removed, but contributions must be made in cash in large cloth bags with "$$$" printed on side; must be presented by man with waxed mustache and monocle.
- You can murder one person a year, but you must use your bare hands and potential victim must be given moped and 10-minute head-start.
- 8th car wash free
- Your Significant Other can veto your restaurant choice with no ill will or resentment from you once a month. This applies even if he/she (but c'mon, you know it's "she") initially says "I don't care, anywhere's fine."
- Gladiatorial-style combat between foster children approved; winner gets Super Slam breakfast at Denny's and one pair shoes.
- Vote for a Democrat? Automatically entered in the state's Adopt-A-Copperhead program.
- Giving businesses Spanish names now illegal. "Tortas de Fuego" must change name to "Sandwich of Fire."
- Marrying your gun now legal. May not marry multiple guns; that makes a mockery of marriage.