Friday, May 11, 2012

The next time we see each other, I will be providing a recap of the first episode of the Bachelorette

Ugh, it's time again already. That idiot Emily is going to be a thorn in our sides for the next couple of months while she bores us to fucking tears trying to find a TV husband and New Daddy for little Ricki Jr. I guess all the jobs at Hooters were taken because she's what we get.

If you're new around here and don't know my complicated and Stockholm Syndrome-esque relationship with America's Sweethearts/The Functionally Retarded, you can read all about prior seasons here:

Ben Whatever His Name Is and the Lizard Queen

Then there was that chirpy dodo Ashley

Emily's already been picked once, by Lovable Lunkhead Brad

Before that was Ali who probably wishes she kept her job at Facespace

And before that was that Jake guy but I don't have a tag for him. Here's a sample.

Before that I was just a simple cobbler, eking out a meager living in this village.

4 comments:

Stephen said...

I call, in the first episode, 5 utterances of the word "journey," and 7 (that's right, 7) assertions of a desire to "find love." Emily will be called "beautiful" 20 times, and "hot," 8.

Chris TK Harrison said...

Have u given thought to covering "The Real Housewives" "franchise"? I think you'd enjoy Orange County.

Blogger said...

If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (even if they're dating somebody else now) you gotta watch this video
right away...

(VIDEO) Get your ex back with TEXT messages?

Blogger said...

Quantum Binary Signals

Get professional trading signals delivered to your cell phone every day.

Follow our signals right now and profit up to 270% a day.