Thursday, February 2, 2012

Cold Ketchup - Warm Butter - Warm Bread

I can still remember the first time I encountered a Cold Ketchup Family. I was at my friend Rob's house in like 5th grade and was staying for dinner and OUT COMES THE KETCHUP OUT OF THE FRIDGE. Now, I grew up in a Warm Ketchup Family (kept in the cabinet, next to the salt & pepp), so this was quite a surprise. I was all "WHAT THE FUCK" or whatever the 5th-grade equivalent of what the fuck is. Anyway, it was a world-rocker for sure.

You see, I grew up in a Warm Ketchup - Warm Butter - Warm Bread family and I didn't know any other way. As my life progressed, I would learn that not everyone stored their ketchup, butter, and bread at room temperature. You had your Cold Ketchup - Cold Butter - Warm Bread families and even your Cold Ketchup - Cold Butter - Cold Bread families. Yes, there are families who keep their bread in the fridge. I know, right? I was just as shocked as you.

Fast Forward to today. We're now a Cold Ketchup - Warm Butter - Warm Bread family. But what does your ketchup-butter-bread situation say about you?

Warm Ketchup - Warm Butter - Warm Bread: Possible Mom with mental issues.

Cold Ketchup - Warm Butter - Warm Bread: Totally normal.

Cold Ketchup - Cold Butter - Warm Bread: Fearful; anxious. Possible drug problem.

Warm Ketchup - Warm Butter - Cold Bread: Wary of strangers. Cheap.

Cold Ketchup - Cold Butter - Cold Bread: Distant and aloof; potential cockroach problem in house

I heard that in France they store cheese at room temperature. Let's don't even get started on that.

12 comments:

inger said...

I always thought that cold butter was a southern (or other hot climate) thing, cause otherwise it melts. Aside from that (questionable) rationalization, I've always thought cold butter was for people who just didn't like to enjoy life too much, so preferred to have their butter application tear up their toast in a daily affirmation of the futility of it all.

Rocco said...

in europe they also leave eggs at room temp. we're so paranoid here. anyway, back in my bread eating days, i always maintained that bread keeps longer in the refrigerator. and gross, room temp ketchup = botulism or something.
also, LOL the captcha is 'ingest.'

Jessica said...

It's like you're looking into my soul. And behind my washer where a lot of the cockroaches live.

HeHa said...

I have cold ketchup, warm bread, and cold AND warm butter. Cause just like you can't spread cold butter on toast you can't make a (good) pie crust with warm butter.

TK said...

Cold AND warm butter! INTRIGUING.

Rocco, bread actually goes stale faster in the fridge. That's what I heard anyway. Also, gross.

Inger, thanks for the Dostoevskian view of butter.

Todd X. said...

I love the psychoanalysis of domestic habits. I keep all these things in the fridge now. And, yes, I'm cold and distant. . . but I don't care.

The Sonia Show said...

We do cold ketchup - warm and cold butter - cold bread in our house. We are cold and distant, and wary of strangers.

Growing up, my mother always kept the mayonnaise on the counter. I'm not sure how we survived.

amy.leblanc said...

yeah,the eggs on the counter thing i somehow still can't do, even though obvi they aren't BORN refrigerated. i dunno. i keep my ketchup and butter in the fridge and my bread on the counter.

Higgy Piggie said...

What about cold soy sauce? My ex-mother-in-law did that and it weirded me out every time. It's just pure salt!

Skance said...

You know, in most restaurants the ketchup is always warm, and I've never given that a second thought until now. Why do we keep it cold at home?
Cold bread is an abomination.

skaterdave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tamagosan said...

Not get started on that? Au contraire! I spent about 5 years in the Hexagonal Wonderland of Cheese and kept that stuff out of the fridge (too small of an appliance, too long to wait for it to come to room temp anyway) but had to be skillful about counter storage since my dog is skillful about counter hunting. The bread I bought everyday and consumed most of on the walk home from the bakery, so that wasn't really an issue.

I never understood those Cold Bread people, but now since I buy loaves of that Alvarado sliced bread (it's the greatest thing!) I keep it in the FREEZER since I use a slice or three per week and only for toast so it goes in the toaster oven. I'm pretty sure that makes me with the terrorists, but it's what works.

When we want proper dinner table bread, we stop by Canyon Market, which has the best baguette this side of the Pond. Just down the street from Destination Baking Co. which has the best croissant I've had since Frogland... Oh, Glen Park is a wonderland of refined flour... I'm realizing now that the "we" I'm referring to is my dog (the same one) and now I'm officially that person. Must stop typing now and restore sanity.