Monday, May 9, 2011

The Agony of the Stolen Car: Chapter 2.

Wanna hear another long boring story about my stolen car? WELL YOU'RE IN LUCK THEN PULL UP A CHAIR.

They found it on Saturday at Laidley and Fairmount in what I guess is maybe Glen Park.


Looks pretty nice, huh? So they call me at like 8:00 p.m. Saturday and tell me it's at Auto Return and I can get it the next day.

(For those of you outside San Francisco, Auto Return is where your car goes if you get towed. People burning in the Lake of Fire in Hell being stabbed by demons with Razor Blade Pitchforks dipped in gasoline say "Man, this sucks, but at least I'm not at Auto Return.")

ANYWAY, on Sunday I entered a Kafkaesque Hell Tunnel trying to get the thing back. First stop is the main police station at 850 Bryant at 9:30 a.m. Sunday to get a "vehicle release." I ask the cop there if I can get a break on the tow fees because my car was stolen. He says "That's totally up to Auto Return. We have nothing to do with that."

Next stop: Auto Return. The total for the towing and one day storage is $481.75. Guess what? I CAN'T HAVE MY CAR. It's in another lot at Pier 70 that's not open on Sundays! FOOLED YOU TK!!!! SIKE!!!! I ask the Auto Return lady if I can get a break on the fees because my car was stolen. She says - and I'm not making this up - "That's not up to us. That's up to the police."

This guy waiting for his car goes "Hey dude. Hey dude. Check this out." He points to a sign on the wall that explains YES AS A MATTER OF FACT THE POLICE WILL REFUND HALF THE TOW FEE IF YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN. You just have to go back to 850 Bryant, M-F, and ask. Thanks, Guy Waiting at Auto Return! You were the most helpful person of the day. I hope you get your car back. Also, sweet Ed Hardy jeans.

I guess I should let the cops know about their Secret Stolen Car Tow Fee Refund Program! Imagine their surprise!

OK, now we're up to this morning. The Wife and I go out to Pier 70 to get my car.

Except no one's driving this car. It's a FUCKING WRECK.

Two wheels are gone. TWO WHEELS ARE GONE. It's on the little temporary wheels that look like they came off someone's Radio Flyer wagon. Ignition is punched and so I can't start it. Driver's side door lock punched. Stereo and speakers gone. Maybe some other interior damage, I don't know.

No fast food wrappers, though, so GUESS I DODGED THAT BULLET!

Now, if I could just get my insurance agent to call me back! STATE FARM, I'LL GIVE YOU $10 IF YOU CALL ME BEFORE LUNCH TODAY! I PROMISE I WON'T HURT YOU! PLEASE CALL ME BACK! PLEASE?! PLEEEEEEAAAASE??!!!

15 comments:

Stephen said...

I am kind of speechless. Don't they understand that even we government-loving liberals want to torch City Hall when faced with this kind of bureaucrinsanity?

Dear Chief Suhr: If the place people come into direct contact with government is manifestly fucking us over, we're not going to want to do business again.

Rocco said...

RIP, foxy box.

thesoniashow said...

Oh, I forgot to tell you ... I borrowed your car. I was moving from Dogpatch to Glen Park, and I needed a truck.

My bad.

TK said...

@Sonia -

But the WHEELS, man! Why did you take the wheels off?

thesoniashow said...

I need the wheels for a tire swing in the backyard. Duh.

Stoney said...

The most infuriating thing is that your experience isn't an anomaly. It's the rule, not the exception. I wonder if the Mesopotamians had little windows with infuriating and incompetent people holding your misplaced chattel hostage.

GG said...

Whither the photos?

TK said...

@ GG -

I actually forgot to take photos at Pier 70 this morning. That was probably the last chance I'll have. Oh well.

digital said...

That's right around the corner from me. I think Laidley Street residents would be quite offended by the Glen Park location. The consider themselves in Noe Valley (Home of the Double Wide Strollers). They even have their very own street fair thing-ee.

TK said...

@ digital -

Really? Noe Valley goes up that far?

Say, did you happen to see anyone getting in or out of a white Jeep Cherokee near your house?

I wonder why it was dumped there. Maybe one of the thieves lives in the area. MAYBE IT'S YOU!!!!!

Tamagosan said...

And the truly shocking this about this is that I thought it was spelled SYKE. Weird.

Lame on all accounts no matter what.

As for Laidley and Fairmount, that's Glen Park as I've always known it. (30th Street is usually considered the dividing line and nobody I know that lives there considers that Noe Valley... culturally perhaps now but certainly not geographically.) It's actually pretty much exactly half-way from where I grew up (in Noe Valley, before it was Strollerland!!) and where I live now (deeper in Glen Park). There are cases to be made for Fairmount Heights, but Noe Valley's out IMnotsoHO.

And just for the record, my connection with this area does not implicate me in this drama since I'm currently 8,000 miles away. Not sure what my dog (who stayed home) was doing that night, though...

digital said...

Tamagosan - I would agree w/you on the neighborhood boundary of 30th St. I just don't think Laidley St residents do. I'm sure the Board of Elections will be looking into this.

I too was 3,000 miles away from SF the day of the theft and was just catching up on the local neighborhood happenings via this blog.
Sorry about the car theft TK.

Tamagosan said...

@digital: Interesting re: Laidley Street. It was always my impression that they knew it was Glen Park, but an extra special part? (I think it is at least, esp. between 30th and Fairmount!) Clearly, further research is needed. Those in the area should watch out for chick with dog randomly questioning geography... :-)

Tamagosan said...

And here is how SF and Copenhagen differ:

http://www.copenhagenize.com/2011/05/my-bullitt-is-found.html

KevinWallace said...

Not Glen Park. Not Noe Valley. Correct neighborhood is called Fairmont Heights, an almost secret name used by those of a possibly elder ilk. And an unusual locale for dumping a stolen car.