Thursday, May 27, 2010

Oh, this is rich

Sayeth the Chron:


That's right, fitness advice from Pablo Sandoval. Pablo Sandoval seems like a really nice guy and he's a pretty good hitter (although in somewhat of a slump right now), but one word I would not use to describe him is "fit." He's listed on the roster at 245 lbs. which is completely hilarious and if he's 245 then I'm a buck fifty. He's MAYBE 260. I'd guess 270, but MAYBE 260. I know he can move and blah blah blah he's got quickness or whatever, but don't kid yourself. In no sense of the term is he "fit."

Here are some other stories the Chron is pursuing:

Take it from Bobby Sands - it's important to eat a balanced dinner

Take it from Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof - it's important to come up with a coherent ending to a television series

Take it from Julius Caesar - it's important to be suspicious of your political rivals

Take it from this guy I see on the way to work every day - it's important not to shoot heroin between your toes

I was at that game last night. What a fucking shitshow. I have very little to add to whatever everyone else is saying except that we already knew they hit worse than an anorexic girls' softball team. But when your Deuce Cy Starting Pitcher can't fucking pitch, well, it makes for a long fucking night. Hey, at least really good seats will be cheap as fuck in a month or so.

Beers are still 9 bucks, though.

(In other weight-related news, 50 Cent lost 60 pounds. Nothing else, that's just fun to say.)

7 comments:

Tamagosan said...

Oh, Mr. Panda, what can't you do? I know it's ironic and really quite funny, but I can't help thinking it's cute. And maybe will inspire kids or something.

All well and good, BUT:

I've convinced my dog to hide the sports section of The Chronic lest I read the standings and silently weep over my oatmeal. Sad times, especially since when I was in San Diego the other weekend, I saw the Pads lose to the Dodgers which was bittersweet. But then there was hope in NL West.

I'll be at tomorrow's game if the rainclouds permit. In prep for this AZ game, I wanted to wear a Gigantes shirt. Duh. But, after visiting about 6 different stores along Mission yesterday, I have come to the realization that they are impossible to find! No luck at SportsCity or niche T-shirt shops, either. D'oh. Now I have to go to the Dugout, which is just generally lame. They don't have women's of course, so I'll either be squeezing into a child's size or living large in a men's AND paying Dugout prices.

The Sonia Show said...

Last night's game was Crazy Crab night, right? Did he show up?

TK said...

Tamagosan -

I'm surprised you couldn't find a knockoff Gigantes shirt somewhere in the Mish. Go for the child's size; it'll be cheaper.

Sonia -

Yeah, he came out and it was great BUT then Lou Seal came out wearing a chef's hat and holding a big pot and started chasing him, which I found very disrespectful.

Tamagosan said...

Yeah, I was pretty shocked. I got various responses: "Nope, we don't have that"; "No, we only have this"; "No, those haven't existed since 2007"; "Try Ross". Nada still at Mission Sk8boards, True, And so on and so forth. YOU WOULDA THOUGHT...

The Sonia Show said...

I hate Lou Seal! He reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons in which Poochie the Dog joins Itchy & Scratchy. You can just tell that Lou Seal is the product of a marketing firm.

burritojustice.com said...

I bought my Gigantes shirt at some Carnaval booth on Harrison a few years back. But that doesn't really help you since Carnaval is on Sunday (CRAP I'm out of town, someone livetweet it please - oh, and best part of the parade are the Sunset Scavenger guys btw.)

Anyway, I wore the shirt to a Giants game in Phoenix a few years back and got high-fives from all the food and beer vendors.

But I think I'd probably get shot at by DB fans if I tried that this year.

Tamagosan said...

@burritojustice: You think the situation will be that critical? (I mean, I know the political sitch is serious, I guess I didn't think about exactly how it would play out at this game for me...) Good to know re: Carnaval at any rate! Maybe I'll keep the tags on my Dugout shirt, ha!

PS Verification word: untedson. Why am I reminded of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umgUDUxHKfY ?