Wednesday, November 18, 2009

So this reality show guy wrote to me sort of

This is kinda funny. I few days ago I Twittered that Jennifer is probably my favorite patient on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and then promptly forgot about it probably because I was drunk or something. So, amazingly enough, Duncan Roy, who's a director or something and another one of the patients on Sex Rehab, sent me an "@" reply not long after, saying "list us in order."

Now, as you know, if you're not following the person who @'d you, you don't see the message in your regular Twitter feed and so I didn't see it until last night when I was looking through @ messages to see what I missed. What I missed was this bizarre postmodern event of a real person on a reality show sending me a personal message based on a Thing I Said on The Internet. Weird!

Let's deal with one thing up front. Yes, I watch "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" because (1) it involves sex, (2) it involves people - some of them very attractive women - whose problem is they have too much sex, so you can see the interest, (3) Dr. Drew is kind of my homie and I like the little frowny face he does when someone says something like "I like to shoot meth into my eyeballs" or "I once fucked a rhino because some Japanese businessmen paid me $4,000 to do it and tape it," (4) I've been a fan of his whole Rehab series, just like I'm a HUGE fan of Intervention, and that's because it lets me go "Hey, I may do some drinkin', but I'm nowhere NEAR as bad as that guy," and (5) SEX REHAB! C'mon, you're wondering why I'd watch a show called "Sex Rehab"? Get your head screwed on straight.

(I guess I should drop a brief explanatory parenthetical here - basically, the idea of the show is that they round up 8 semi-celebrities who are sex addicts and then follow them through treatment. If the idea of watching group therapy sounds like a bore, it's not. NO SPOILERS but there's a total trainwreck on there who is kinda making the show.)

ANYWAY, Duncan Roy, or anyone else who's read this far, here you go:

1. Jennifer, because she seems cool. She used to be a porn star or something and she just seems like she'd call bullshit on something that was bullshit. She has a blog too.

2. Duncan Roy AND I SWEAR I'M NOT JUST PUTTING HIM IN SECOND TO KISS HIS ASS OR ANYTHING, but it seems like he views the whole thing with kind of a jaundiced eye. He's like who the audience would be supposed to identify with if this were a movie. (Side note - if this were a movie, I'd totally cast Christina Ricci as Jennifer. Go look at her pics and you'll see what I mean.)

3. Nicole Narain, because she's hot and said that she masturbated 18 times in one day once. I probably couldn't do 18 push-ups in a day! Wow.

4. Phil Varone because he was the drummer for Skid Row and you know you'd have a fucking blast going out in L.A. one night with him.

5. Amber Smith (who was also on Celebrity Rehab for her pill problem) is unobjectionable. She really doesn't seem all that fucked up. I think she's doing these shows just to keep her face out there.

6. Kendra Jade Rossi is like your crazy ex-girlfriend who kept a lock of your hair and still sends you fucked-up letters with red construction paper hearts all torn up that fall out when you open the letter.

7. Jamie Lovett is apparently some kind of surfer or something but he literally hasn't been on camera more than 5 minutes so far so who knows?

8. Kari Ann Peniche. Nothing I can say will do her justice. You just have to watch.

P.S. Jesus, this is a long blog post about a reality TV show. What if I used my powers for good?

P.P.S. Third post in a row with the "Famous people" and "TV" tags. I gotta get out more.

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