Tuesday, June 14, 2016

San Francisco needs 200,000 new units of housing. No problem.

A couple of weeks ago everyone was talking about Eric Fischer's amazing blog post "Employment, construction, and the cost of San Francisco apartments," in which he aggregated historical rent data for the city going back decades and found out there's no big mystery, rents go up when there are more people here making more money.  GEE I NEVER.

How do we fix it?  Eric knows:


Well, we certainly don't want to have a 51% drop in employment or a 44% drop in salaries (not my salary, anyway, although I wouldn't mind a 44% drop in the salaries of the shitstorms on Valencia every weekend night), and nobody liked my idea to offer 100,000 people $20K to leave, so all we need is 200,000 more housing units!

LET'S DO IT.

1190 Mission, part of the Trinity Place development, has 418 units in a 24-story building.


To get our 200,000 units, then, we'll need about 478 of those mothers.  NOT A PROBLEM.  We can wedge 478 of those in here.

Let's start in the same neighborhood.  Hmmm, that Best Buy on Harrison is pretty big for a store that sells a bunch of shit you're going to get on Amazon anyway.  And look at that parking lot!


Looks like we can get at least 6 1190's in there.  (That's what we're calling our Standard Housing Units, BTW, "1190's," after their original ancestor at 1190 Mission.

LO, BUILD THEM!


That was easy.  Poof, I just put 2,508 new units of housing where a bunch of flat screen TVs and parked cars used to be.  We're over 1% done and we've barely even started!  I CAN FEEL RENTS FALLING ALREADY.

A common refrain when talking about new housing in SF is that new building is always concentrated in SOMA and Mission Bay and never on the west side of town.  That has to end.  SUNSET RESERVOIR, MEET YOUR NEW NEIGHBORS!!!


I know, I know, we could probably fit like 16 1190's here, but the people across the street are already going to a series of massive coronaries and strokes followed by more heart attacks as soon as this is proposed.

We can even use 1190's to improve society!  BEFORE:


AFTER:


Ahhhh, that's better.

OK, now just have to find room for 468 more.  Don't piss me off or your block is next.


This one is called the Burrito Justice Arms, for obvious reasons, and it's actually very very expensive.  You can't live here.

6 comments:

GG said...

468 more? Why not build them on a GIANT FUCKING PARKING LOT that's not even used because it's overflow parking for CCSF's *other* giant parking lot (http://www.sfhac.org/dont-let-balboa-reservoir-missed-opportunity/)? Did I mention it's right next to Balboa Park BART and several Muni lines? Sounds like a great idea, right? Too bad, my batty old NIMBY neighbors are probably going to kill the project because they want to drive everywhere and are worried that BROWN PEOPLE might move in. Seriously, visit my NextDoor and do a search on "Balboa Reservoir Project" if you want to be appalled at the sort of people who, for some reason, live in a dense and progressive city. The only good news is that most of them will probably die soon, but, unfortunately, not before sinking this project.

TK said...

Oh, we could get 20 or so 1190s in there, easy. Tell those NIMBYs to get ready to say BIENVENIDOS to about 8,000 new neighbors!

Michael Strickland said...

Excellent Photoshopping of the ugliest new buildings to appear in San Francisco in decades. And yes, every neighborhood should have at least a half-dozen of them, if only to make SFBARF and Supervisor Weiner happy.

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