1. Get to counter.
2. Give ID and credit card
3. Clerk tries to upsell you. "How about a BMW 550? Perfect for this weather!" This actually just happened to me. No thanks, I can look like a dickhead just fine by myself, I don't need a BMW 550 to help!
4. Clerk warns you darkly of your financial ruin should you pass on the rental insurance. "Sure, your insurance might cover it, but until their coverage kicks in, you will be forced to squat in a mud hole, covered in ants! That could be very unpleasant!!!!"
5. Finally get your Mitsubishi Galant or similar. Have you ever seen a Chevy Malibu other than as a rental car? Does Chevrolet even make Malibus for sale to the general public?
Well, all that is about to change. Meet bluechinchilla.com, the new car rental agency that will change the way you look at car rentals.
Here are the features of the disruptive rental car agency I just made up:
- We have normal cars. Like you can get a VW Passat or a Subaru Outback or even a Prius if that's your Life Path. Your funeral. No "Buick Verano," whatever the fuck that is.
- All the insurance is rolled into the cost of the rental. Sure, we cost a couple bucks more, but you're totally covered if you back into the Gateway Arch or whatever. (Does not include windows being broken if you leave a laptop bag on the seat, you fucking moron.)
- Bring it back with however much gas is left, we don't care. We'll fill it up and bill your credit card at whatever price the closest gas station to the airport is charging. Don't worry about it, we cool.
- Our website will have a cool interface like Tinder or something but without the pain of constant rejection and disappointment.
- Is it going to cost a little more? Of course it's going to cost a little more! OK, a lot more. But paying more just means you're important and cool!
- Why bluechinchilla.com? Chinchillas are known as the car rentals of animals. No, I just made that up. It's because bluechinchilla.com was available as of this morning. Go innovate with us!