[at club]
DO YOU WANT TO DO A HUMAN SACRIFICE
"WHAT?"
[does stabbing and offering motion]
A SACRIFICE, DO YOU WANT TO DO ONE
— YUNG SPIDER GOD (@buttgh0st) January 16, 2015
— Ramona (@ramonarae) January 20, 2015
I love that this whole thing is now thousands of people watching a live stream of a guy walk his llama down the street.
— BFF.fm (@BFFdotFM) February 26, 2015
Remember the llamas? I do, like it was yesterday, man. That was good times.
[séance]
PSYCHIC: Your father's spirit is with us now
GUY: "Dad!!! I'm so happy!!!"
(ethereal voice)
H I S O H A P P Y , I ' M D A D
— jackson (@tricycle_champ) March 5, 2015
SOCRATES: I am wiser than this man; he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing—
DARRYL, SOCRATES' FRIEND: fuck him up socrates
— leon (@leyawn) April 8, 2015
*someone starts having a heart attack*
person: is anyone here a doctor??
vegan: im a vegan
— george w kush (@yungshoelace) April 20, 2015
remember when sf was known as a mecca of music and art
well that was fun but now we make soylent and shit
here’s a lanyard for some reason
— j. w. friedman (@satellitehigh) April 23, 2015
I think "here's a lanyard for some reason" is the killer. It's almost poignant.
how many babies did you send to space, bush. you fucker. how many babies are still up there pic.twitter.com/sdr80EuOQl
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) April 27, 2015
Live around here?
No, my kid goes to school here.
Oh. (grimace) I'm looking for a nice liquor sto
TWO BLOCKS DOWN ON THE LEFT
— miche (@michesf) May 15, 2015
— Kylie Jenner (@KylieJenner) May 26, 2015
MAKES U THINK
yesterday when i was riding my bike to work, i saw a woman with a bumpersticker on her car that said I ❤️ MAKEUP and it’s still bugging me.
— jenny_klug (@jenny_klug) June 5, 2015
*firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me*
Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) June 7, 2015
I thought this was the Pope's playlist: https://t.co/cvVCAA49AL
— Laura Dolan (@verity6) June 17, 2015
I did too! At least, at first.
— Frances Lefkowitz (@YesFrances) July 14, 2015
How does this only have 29 likes? Maybe it was passed around on another account and got 7 million likes? It should have 7 million likes.
It's a real comment I'm cry pic.twitter.com/BmBs8VUFDn
— Cathy (@catherinebouris) August 5, 2015
I actually went and found the real comment. It's real, or at least appears to be. Amazing.
can this kid be our new president https://t.co/2Jp8e5RDTg
— Lana Berry (@Lana) August 22, 2015
Googling "Can you keep a [weird, possibly dangerous animal that should never be kept as a pet] as a pet?" takes up about half my day.
— Je$sica Benner (@jessicabenner) September 4, 2015
[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this?
[next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?
— brent (@murrman5) September 15, 2015
I LOL every time I think about this tweet, to this day.
"Too soon" -this lady about Pompeii pic.twitter.com/V3TcskR2ng
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) October 2, 2015
Reading peta's @ replies is my new favorite activity pic.twitter.com/Pfe4FxhQFv
— lindsey (@Lindzeta) October 20, 2015
Benghazi hearings reaching the point where they usually let a position player pitch
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) October 23, 2015
My life has been considerably better since discovering @desusnice's Twitter.
@BenedictEvans that's not what I said
— mat! (@mat) December 22, 2015
What the kids call "pwned." And just in under the wire, one late but worthy entry:
It's now 2016 here in Hong Kong and not to spoil the future for you, but a portal just opened and OH GOD GIANT ALIEN SPIDERS ARE EVERYWH
— Miss O'Kistic (@missokistic) December 31, 2015
Happy New Year, everyone!
1 comment:
Regarding Rascal Flats tweet: I LOL'd in the middle of work.
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