Monday, July 14, 2014

Here are my hot new apps. Give me $10 million in funding.

App #1: BumRush

The next time you hear "Space some change?" your answer could be "How about some change ... IN YOUR LIFE?"  When you encounter a pleading supplicant, simply point your mobile device at it and select from your preset Funding Levels.  When you hit "Cha-Ching," $1, $5, or any amount you choose will be sent to the unfortunate's BumRush BumBucks account, where he (or she, if it's one of those) can later retrieve it and exchange it for valuable goods, like other apps.  If your poor isn't yet BumRush-enabled, simply hand him one of our RFID chips and tell him to hang onto it like it's the last bottle of Taaka and the corner store is closed!  You'll be handing out change, all right.  CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!

App #2: Openr

How many times has this happened to you?  You're on the road, checked into your hotel the night before your TED talk or your panel at South by Southwest.  You picked up a six-pack of an obscure, far-too-hoppy local brew, but oh no!  No bottle opener.  What do you do?  Not a problem.  Simply open Openr and press the "Open" button!  Your phone's GPS will tell us where you're staying and we sync with your Preferred Hotels and will automatically know your room number.  Minutes later, a bottle opener will appear at your door.  Magic? No! Openr!

App #3: Skreed

Eesh!  Another rough day sidestepping the dirty masses on the way to an important founders meeting.  Why are there so many poor people everywhere?  And why do people insist on giving you a hard time when you’re rich because you found a new way to help society!  You’d love to write a detailed, angry essay about why the bottom 25% needs to learn to code or why you should respect us as your betters, but who has the time? Let Skreed do the work!  Simply type in a few key phrases, like “no teeth man asked me for money,” “ugh I think it touched me,” “get out of the way disruptor coming through,” or “Kristallnacht” and Skreed will produce a 500 to 1500 word essay suitable for immediate posting on Medium.  Out of the way, world!  You’ve got ideas to share!

App #4: SeatGorilla

My dumb company got a big tax break and its HQ is now in San Francisco so I don't even get to ride a sleek Techie bus down the peninsula.  Ugh, I have to take Muni instead.  It used to be a drag standing the whole way until SeatGorilla came along.  Every morning, SeatGorilla dispatches our team of MuniMonkeys to occupy seats on the most desired lines.  Then, you simply pull up the line and time on the app, choose from currently occupied seats, and enter what you're willing to pay.  When the lightning-fast auction is over, if you had the winning bid, BOOM, the seat is yours.  Simply board the bus, show your confirmation code to our brightly dressed MuniMonkey, and enjoy the rest of the ride in seated comfort!


GG said...

You're a genius, although I'll be very surprised if someone hasn't already stolen your SeatGorilla idea and released an actual app by the time I'm done posting this comment.

Greg said...

LOL "Seat Gorilla"

my brother came up with one the other day - an artisan donut delivery service with crowdsourced flavors. Called it Frittr.

Tamagosan said...

Painfully funny...