I see the busybodies at Consumer Reports are back on the job telling us what fast food is OK and what isn't. Leaving aside The Fast Food Golden Rule - A N Y F A S T F O O D I S G R E A T I F Y O U ' R E H U N G O V E R E N O U G H - let's see how they did!
According to this article in "The Week," Consumer Reports surveyed 32,000 non-hungover people and asked them to rank "food quality and freshness, value, politeness, speed of service, and cleanliness of the dining area." I see your problem right there, since you should be ranking Fat and Carb Content, Whether You Can Fill Your Own Soda, Likelihood There Is a Hobo Sleeping in the Next Booth, How Big Are the Fries, and Is This a Wendys. But anyway, here are the worst, from not-quite-the-worst to Basically Inedible. Drum roll please, for 11 to 7:
Yeah, Panda Express is totally gross. Exhibit #1:
Sorry, I hope you didn't just eat. Apart from ghastly combinations like this, most of their food is unrecognizable glop slopped on top of rice or spaghetti noodles. But if you're not changing planes, when are you ever going to have to eat at a Panda Express? If you subject yourself to that, it's your own fucking fault.
Taco Bell is what it is. If you want La Cumbre, go to La Cumbre. If you want a chicken-type product in a tortilla for a dollar, go to the Bell.
I haven't eaten Little Caesars in maybe 25 years so I can't comment.
Domino's is horrible. Good job Consumer Reports. The only time you can ever reasonably eat Domino's is if you're in a hotel in Sioux Falls and nothing else is open or in some kind of terrorist-type scenario where a madman is going to blow up a puppy camp if you don't eat it.
I could have a Pizza Hut once in a while, just for their weird spongy crust. I've never fucked with any of the shit they started doing to their crust like stuffing all that crap in it.
BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE:
I have no idea what "CiCi's Pizza" is but usually nothing that comes from Texas is any good for anyone.
Burger King is OK. Hey, do you have a Burger King vs. McDonald's preference? Is it normal to have such a preference? Is that something you should discuss with your doctor, like Abilify?
I have McDonald's like once or twice a year and I never regret it any more. I like those flat cheeseburgers. Did you ever see "Super Size Me" where that guy ate nothing but McDonald's for a month or whatever? I saw it and it made me want McDonald's SO BAD that we left the movie theater after it and went straight to a McDonald's.
I never had Church's Chicken in my life.
And finally SBARRO. Yes, Sbarro is terrible. I have no further comment on the issue.