Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Bachelor: The Women Tell Next to Nothing, Bore the Shit Out of Us

Everyone agrees, including myself, that Ken Burns' "The Civil War" is a masterpiece of modern documentary filmmaking.  I think I have watched the entire series all the way through twice, which takes only slightly less time than the actual Civil War.  I was excited about watching it again with The Wife, who had never seen it, because she is from Another Country where they have their own shit going down.  So one night we sat down and I hit play and BOOM she was out cold in less than five minutes.  A few years later Ken Burns' series "The National Parks" came on and we began watching that and BOOM she's out again.  Ken Burns has a particularly soporific effect on The Wife.

So it was for me with last night's "The Women Tell All, " the usual filler that airs every season just before the finale.  Its origin and purpose remain murky, as it seems to exist only to take up space.  Maybe editing the finale takes a long time?  Anyway, last night I fell asleep at two different times while trying to watch this televised Sominex, so my notes are somewhat unclear.

I seem to remember Tierra getting trotted out at some point, yelled at, and then returned to her seat.  Was there something about Sean and Chris Harrison dropping in on people watching the show?  Did that happen?  I think Desiree blamed her brother.  AshLee thinks Sean told her that he didn't care about any other girls, but he says he didn't say that.  Nobody cares.

The only possibly interesting thing that happened to me was that at around 7 pm, there was a sudden spike in traffic to this blog.


What the fuck?  I did some checking and found out that a not-insubstantial number of people were arriving here after Googling various combinations of "magic", "dog", and "Bachelor", which was leading them to this post with "Magic" and "Bachelor" in the title and the word "dog" in the post.  Well, as I found out at 10 pm Pacific time, the show concluded with a moving video tribute to Magic the dog, who apparently hung around the set until he or she died of boredom at some point this season.  To better days, Magic.

NEXT WEEK: Finally this godawful season comes to an end.  They've been teasing lots of shots of Sean at the Proposal Lectern reading some kind of letter and then staring meaningfully into middle distance.  This is GUARANTEED to be disappointing when we actually find out what it is. 

7 comments:

papercutsurvivor said...

"Aw, look at the dog!"

"Wait, why are they focusing on this dog?"

"Oh no. No. The dog must be dead."

"No. No!"

"It's dead. It's a tribute to a dead dog."

"No!"

"Oh my god, look how cute it is."

"This is terrible."

"Are you crying?"

"No. Yes."

That's what happened in our house last night.

GG said...

If they hold a Bachelor-style round robin tournament for who a magic dog selects to be his new owner, I am TOTALLY GOING TO GET ON THAT SHOW AND WIN.

Anyway it seems like you missed the best part of the half of the show that I watched, which was the news that Tierra left the show and immediately became engaged to a guy I'll call "Consolation Prize." Apparently she and Consolation Prize broke up so that she could try to win the heart of a stranger on a reality show, and this so charmed Consolation Prize that he proposed upon her return. It's like a fairy tale!

TK said...

pcs - It's OK. Magic went to live on a better reality show where he can run and play and there's never a Rose Ceremony.

GG - I do have a vague memory of that. She was being oddly cagey about when she got engaged, right? Like the implication was it was too soon or something?

GG said...

Well, yes, because it was a matter of months or even weeks. Classy! Anyway I came here to let you know, in case you didn't, that Season 2 of Burning Love is now being posted at burninglove.com, and it's hilarious. This time they even have a character who parodies that Bachelorette contestant that the bachelorette (Ashley?) was warned about, but then she became obsessed with him anyway? Very much worth your time.

GG said...

Bentley! It was Bentley.

Michael Strickland said...

I am completely with your wife. Just the mention of Ken Burns' name makes me want to go into a deep slumber, no matter what the subject matter might be.

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