TV News

We held off a long time on Downton Abbey because honestly it sounds like the most boring Masterpiece Theater shit you can imagine - the trials and travails of rich British people and their servants in early 20th century rural England.  I mean, fucking YAWN.  But here we are in Sober January with a LOT of free time and a Roku and a Netflix streaming subscription and she won't agree to "Breaking Bad" and I won't agree to - well, basically anything she wants to watch.  So Downton Abbizzle it is.

[DIGRESSION #1: We were so nervous/unsure about the DA that last week we watched a documentary instead, and it turned out to be pretty great.  It's called "The Queen of Versailles" and it's about an asshole time-share mogul and his golddigger wife who are building the largest private home in America until the financial crisis hits and they have to stop and fire most of their household staff and everything else.  It's funny and disturbing and undoubtedly voyeuristic and everything else you want from a documentary.  Do check it out.]

SURPRISE!  We love it.  We sat down last night and peeled through the first four episodes before you could say "Very good, Sir."  It's basically a soap opera in pre-WW I England and I can't really figure out what makes it so good but I get now why it's totally addicting.  There's also the classic Mean Old Lady Who Gets to Say Anything She Wants for comic relief.



The one thing this show does is make me want a butler and a valet and a footman SO BAD.

Moving on to browner pastures, I must note with a mixture of sadness and dread that The Bachelor is almost upon us once again.  As usual, I will take up the mantle and figuratively immerse myself in this shitbath like Hugh Jackman carrying the surfer dude through the sewers at the end of Les You Are Miserable.  Except in this metaphor I am Hugh Jackman and I am singing about how godawful everything is and you are the passed out surfer dude.  Work with me here.  And oh fuck, it's fucking Sean this year.  If you recall from last season, Sean was the abs that came attached to a body with the personality of wallpaper paste.  ANOTHER!! THRILLING !!!! SEASON!!!!  See You Next Tuesday.