Your last-minute San Francisco New Year's Day Brunch Guide

You haven't made reservations for New Year's Day brunch yet? What are you, some kind of lunatic? Well, I'm here to help. I just looked on a reservation site and these places all have availability for 2 people at 1 pm on New Year's Day.

(There are actually 138 restaurants with availability, but I'm only listing the ones you should actually consider.)

(There are others with availability at like 11 or 2, but let's go with 1. That's late enough that you can be up but early enough that you can finish and hit another bar and watch some NFL and have pints.)

Luna Park - I think we went there for NYD brunch the last 2 years, so we can't go again this year. But you can! Oh, whoa, they raised the bottomless mimosas to $13. That's a drag, but you can put down $13 worth of champagne no problem, plus the waitresses are really good about keeping them filled. The food's pretty good. And fuck it, it's probably stumbling distance from your apartment. FOUR STARS.

Maverick - I really like their brunch. It might be too "nice" a place if you look like what you're probably going to look like. I mean, you may not want to attempt duck confit hash if you're still spinning. No bottomless mimosas, but they're only $6.50. THREE AND A HALF STARS.

Butterfly - It might be nice to be by the water! That might make you feel better. I had brunch here once like 5 years ago so I don't even know if it's any good. Bottomless mimosas are $18, ouch. Might have to Occupy Table 18 for 2 hours or so to make the numbers work. TWO AND A HALF STARS.

Farmerbrown - Excellent all-you-can-eat brunch, including their fucking awesome fried chicken, for I think $16 or something. Also bottomless mimosas, but I don't remember how much. I remember getting pretty buzzed, though. This is a quality brunch. The Tenderloin location might be a bit challenging, but if you need to pick up some rock to keep the party going, you'll be in the right place. FOUR AND A HALF STARS.

Le Zinc - If you can handle dodging the strollers and labs of Noe Valley in your weakened state, this place actually has a great brunch. Mimosas are $9 each, which is kind of a drag, but the French omelet is really good. Plus, Valley Tavern is across the street, so you'll be steps away from an available post-brunch bar. THREE STARS.

Medjool - At first I was all HA HA BIG JOKE I'LL PUT MEDJOOL ON THERE AND WE WILL LAUGH AND LAUGH and then I looked at the brunch menu and guys, it's a brunch buffet for $10.99, and the mimosas are THREE DOLLARS. It can't be THAT bad for brunch, right? I mean, the spiky-hair/shiny-shirt crowd will be at Circa, not here, right? Somebody talk me down. UNKNOWN STARS.

Park Chalet - $25 gets you the buffet (which I've had, it's good) AND unlimited champagne. Plus, you're right there at the beach so you can have a soul-searching walk after brunch along the surf and gaze meaningfully out at the sea and meditate on some changes you'll be making in your life this year. The downside is somebody needs to stay sober enough to drive because, come on, it's at Ocean Beach. THREE STARS.

Anyway, have a fun NYE. See you next year.