Bi-Rite Market Hires Bouncer, Institutes One-In-One-Out Policy
The very nice bouncer, who didn't size up my wardrobe or pat me down in search of concealed weapons, informed me that this has started happening on busy weekends lately in response to the fire marshal enforcing capacity limits. He acknowledged the whole situation was "kinda embarrassing." Why? "Because, you know, we're a grocery store."God, it is becoming SO FUCKING HARD to make fun of anything in San Francisco any more because it ALL MAKES FUN OF ITS FUCKING SELF. How am I supposed to go on as a Relevant Local Lifestyle Critic/Angry Satirist when there are people who *WAIT* *IN* *LINE* *TO* *GET* *INTO* *A* *GROCERY* STORE*????!!!??!!!!!
Anyway, if you can get over the public shaming of patiently and nonchalantly standing behind a red rope for organic peaches and cruelty-free cheeses, Monday afternoon's line was only 2 minutes and 34 seconds long (I timed it, for journalism) and you're treated to a sampling of free tomatoes once you make it to the top of the list.
The following things blew my mind about this story:
1. People will apparently wait in line to enter a FUCKING GROCERY STORE
2. Ummmm, I think that's it. Just that people will wait in line to go to a grocery store.
Seriously, my troubles with waiting for anything are well-documented. If I needed emergency gall-bladder surgery and they said "Sure, we can help you, just put your name on the list and we'll call you when your operating theater is ready," I'd be like, "Nah, it's OK, thanks, I'll self-medicate with Naproxen and shots of Fernet and come back some other time." So the very idea that people who appear to be otherwise Rational and Sane Adults (some of whom may, in fact, have kinda nice legs, but the photo's a little blurry) would stand behind a velvet rope to be admitted into a place to buy Artisanal Sandwiches or Herbes de Provence is mind-boggling to me.
(The comments section should also finally put to rest the stubbornly longstanding SF Urban Legend that Burning Man somehow clears the city [and specifically the Mission] out on Labor Day Weekend. I've been trying to debunk that bullshit for years.)
(I realize this post is basically just an extended comment on an Uptown Almanac post, so I would like to thank the staff of Uptown Almanac for letting me basically steal their material and run with it. If I could fit this entire Rage-O-Gram into a tweet, I would have.)
(Also, speaking of "would have," it's "would have," not "would of," FYI.)