Wednesday, September 7, 2011

This story just blows my mind

This is from Uptown Almanac:

Bi-Rite Market Hires Bouncer, Institutes One-In-One-Out Policy

The very nice bouncer, who didn't size up my wardrobe or pat me down in search of concealed weapons, informed me that this has started happening on busy weekends lately in response to the fire marshal enforcing capacity limits. He acknowledged the whole situation was "kinda embarrassing." Why? "Because, you know, we're a grocery store."

Anyway, if you can get over the public shaming of patiently and nonchalantly standing behind a red rope for organic peaches and cruelty-free cheeses, Monday afternoon's line was only 2 minutes and 34 seconds long (I timed it, for journalism) and you're treated to a sampling of free tomatoes once you make it to the top of the list.
God, it is becoming SO FUCKING HARD to make fun of anything in San Francisco any more because it ALL MAKES FUN OF ITS FUCKING SELF. How am I supposed to go on as a Relevant Local Lifestyle Critic/Angry Satirist when there are people who *WAIT* *IN* *LINE* *TO* *GET* *INTO* *A* *GROCERY* STORE*????!!!??!!!!!

The following things blew my mind about this story:

1. People will apparently wait in line to enter a FUCKING GROCERY STORE
2. Ummmm, I think that's it. Just that people will wait in line to go to a grocery store.

Seriously, my troubles with waiting for anything are well-documented. If I needed emergency gall-bladder surgery and they said "Sure, we can help you, just put your name on the list and we'll call you when your operating theater is ready," I'd be like, "Nah, it's OK, thanks, I'll self-medicate with Naproxen and shots of Fernet and come back some other time." So the very idea that people who appear to be otherwise Rational and Sane Adults (some of whom may, in fact, have kinda nice legs, but the photo's a little blurry) would stand behind a velvet rope to be admitted into a place to buy Artisanal Sandwiches or Herbes de Provence is mind-boggling to me.

(The comments section should also finally put to rest the stubbornly longstanding SF Urban Legend that Burning Man somehow clears the city [and specifically the Mission] out on Labor Day Weekend. I've been trying to debunk that bullshit for years.)

(I realize this post is basically just an extended comment on an Uptown Almanac post, so I would like to thank the staff of Uptown Almanac for letting me basically steal their material and run with it. If I could fit this entire Rage-O-Gram into a tweet, I would have.)

(Also, speaking of "would have," it's "would have," not "would of," FYI.)

7 comments:

GG said...

I think your outrage stems from an unstated assumption that people are lining up to get into Bi-Rite because they think it's "cool." It's more likely they just live nearby and don't own a car, so it's easier to wait a few minutes in line to get their groceries than to go anywhere else. How different is it from waiting in line at the checkout? Just playing devil's advocate here, not trying to further stoke your rage.

That said, if you have a car, come on down to Canyon Market in my 'hood, which is better than Bi-Rite and Whole Foods combined IMHO.

TK said...

GG, I shall ask you not to contaminate my unhinged raving with "facts" or "logic." Thank you.

That being said, the Duc Loi - a perfectly good grocery store - is about 2 blocks away and, in my observations, nearly always velvet-rope-free.

thesoniashow said...

I wonder how many people just saw the line and stood in not even knowing what they were waiting for.

And I second GG's emotion. Canyon Market in Glen Park is pretty awesome.

GG said...

Point taken, TK -- I personally wouldn't go to Duc Loi (suggested slogan: "If our vaguely unsettling aroma doesn't sufficiently disgust you, just take a gander through the glass at our meat counter! Also, we sell WHOLE PIG HEADS!"), but Guerrero Market also has most staples and is just as close.

Jesse said...

There's also a gigantic safeway about a minute away by fixie.

Jus sayin.

Montana Wildhack said...

I love you, TK.

TK said...

EVERYONE, MONTANA'S COMMENT IS THE KIND OF COMMENT THAT YOU SHOULD ALL BE STRIVING FOR. THANKS.