Monday, June 27, 2011

Are we going to get anything for those AT&T utility boxes? Does anyone know?

As you no doubt know, Telecom Giant and Notorious Provider of Craptastic iPhone Service AT&T wants to install 726 huge fucking ugly graffiti magnets all over the city. 726 is a lot of boxes! These vertical outdoor urinals will be 4 feet high, a little over four feet long, and a little over two feet wide. In other words, a grey monolith the approximate size of a Vespa, but without the annoying little twerp in the scarf.Photo illustration with helpful dimensions courtesy of the SF Appeal, who doesn't know I'm using it but are hopefully cool with that.

Now, the last thing I want in SF is 700 of these sidewalk-blocking pieces of shit clogging up corners all over goddam town, but I'm sure in the end AT&T will end up getting their way and we'll have all kinds of new obstructions and places for kewl wheatpastes and for hobos to throw up on. Here's the one thing I can't find out from any article:


Hopefully someone out there knows and can tell me. What I can tell you is that, at a minimum, San Francisco should be getting $13,500 a month from AT&T in rental if this goes through. Honestly, if our feckless Board of Supes had any fucking balls, they'd say "Sure, AT&T, put your boxes up. FOR A MILLION BUCKS A MONTH. Take it or leave it." But they won't do that.

So at least ask for $13,500 a month. These boxes have a footprint of about 9.2 square feet, so 726 of them are a total of 6,679 square feet. Here's a house near Alamo Square with "almost 7,000 square feet" that's renting for $13,500 a month. SOUNDS FAIR. So that's the MINIMUM fucking price the BoS should extract from International Devourer of Souls AT&T.

[USUAL DISCLAIMERS: If part of this deal is some huge cash injection into the city that I just don't know about, apologies all around and I'm sorry I called you "feckless," Board of Supervisors. You should be publicizing that! But if you can't even get market rate rent, you are more fucking hopeless than I thought. Also, fuck AT&T. You think they're going to force Comcast to lower their rates? Yeah, maybe for a month. Then, 6 months later, everyone will be charging the same and we'll have these Toilet Towers all over town for no reason.]


Tamagosan said...

This makes me so mad that I'm glad you're the one ranting.

Commercial real estate is worth more, but pedestrian sidewalk space and aesthetic streetscapes in general are priceless.


Tamagosan said...

So glad I can count on my Supe!

We get 5%! Reduced by 1/3! 1/3 local workforce!